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Post Info TOPIC: Why do I do this?
poptart


Coach

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Why do I do this?
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Remember the pathological liar? Well, we have remained in contact - mostly b/c we see each other weekly through a certain circle of people. Anyway, a week or so ago, we had a couple really good conversations about his relationship with his ex (who is also part of the circle, and who doesn't know we dated), who he has been getting back together with. And in those conversations, I brought up how he tends to tell people what they want to hear (i.e. he lies). He totally agreed and admitted he needed to work on it and we actually had what felt like normal, honest conversations.


Then last week, he calls me to ask me to make sure I don't give any indication in front of his ex that he and I are friends. (She doesn't know we dated.) I was completely insulted since obviously I would never, ever do that, and the entire time we dated we kept it from her and anyone in the circle who would tell her. I thought a little about it for a few days after that, and decided that it's really not a good idea for us to be friends. First, b/c our friendship isn't built on honesty. Just as one example, he tells me that he doesn't see himself with his ex, but I know he's not telling her that. Why lie to me? (Or her, depending on who he's lying to.) Second, the lines of "friendship" between us are definitely blurred sometimes, and that's obviously bad. And third, I can't have him bringing his drama with his ex into my life. My first instinct was to cut off all contact, but I decided that's not fair b/c we've been involved or whatever for a good 3-4 months now.


So last night I called him to ask him to get together with me, and he agreed, but was unsure about time, and I specifically said "That's fine if it's later, but are you sure you'll have time? Should I plan that we're definitely getting together unless I hear from you?" And he said yes. Well, of course, he was a no call no show. It was completely an insult to injury b/c I was trying to end my friendship with him honestly and respectfully, and once again I received the exact opposite treatment. It makes me want to just give up and play the same bs games everyone else seems to be playing.


I have gotten only one good thing out of this situation: I, Poptart, resolve that the very next time I am dating someone and he doesn't follow through on doing something that he says he will do, no matter how small, I will cut him off completely and never even offer him the chance to explain himself.


Gosh, sorry so long ...



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blubirde


Chanel

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Posts: 4845
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Oh man, what a jerk! Why do people act like that?


At least you don't have to act like you're not friends with him in front of his ex now, huh? Because you aren't friends. A friend would never treat you the way he does/did.


It's funny. I think guys like this need to come around once in awhile to remind us to stay strong to ourselves and to remind us of the type of guy we don't want hanging around. It's like waking up with a hellacious hangover and remembering why we don't do shots of tequila anymore.


I'm sorry this happened to you and that you believed his lies. Who can blame you? But good for you for trying, at least, to end that destructive friendship. He probably knew what was coming and that's probably why he bailed. Loser guy.



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shopgirl82


Chanel

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Posts: 3197
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i feel like in general women are much more dismissive of women who don't keep to their word.  maybe think of him with breasts next time you see him?!


seriously, it happens.  you want to believe in the good in people and if this guy who sounds like a smooth talker keeps on telling you that he's worth keeping around (even as a friend), it's hard to differentiate the truths from the lies.  also, it sounds like you have had good conversations with the guy, and those can be hard to come by, so it's totally understandable.  don't beat yourself up.  live and learn, right?



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"i tell you one lesson I learned If you want to be something in life, You ain't gonna get it unless, You give a little bit of sacrifice, Oohh, sometimes before you smile you got to cry.." -The Roots
Dizzy


Marc Jacobs

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Posts: 2130
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blubirde wrote:
Oh man, what a jerk! Why do people act like that?
At least you don't have to act like you're not friends with him in front of his ex now, huh? Because you aren't friends. A friend would never treat you the way he does/did.
It's funny. I think guys like this need to come around once in awhile to remind us to stay strong to ourselves and to remind us of the type of guy we don't want hanging around. It's like waking up with a hellacious hangover and remembering why we don't do shots of tequila anymore.
I'm sorry this happened to you and that you believed his lies. Who can blame you? But good for you for trying, at least, to end that destructive friendship. He probably knew what was coming and that's probably why he bailed. Loser guy.


So wise, so wise - and I agree with shopgirl too. Sorry, I know how hard this one is. {{{hugs}}}

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