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How to Turn Lust Into Love
Brought to you by Lisa Lombardi

Whoa. The animal magnetism between you and your date is so strong you're finding it difficult to speak, much less pay attention to anything either of you is saying. In a way, feeling instant sparks with fourth-of-July wattage is any dater's dream come true... and yet, it also can present challenges. Like: Can you two keep your clothes on long enough to figure out whether you have anything in common? Could there be true love in your future? Well, it turns out there are ways to actually get you two bonding. Try our advice to achieve that enviable state of love plus lust.

Try to take things slow
Diving headlong into bed with each other sure may be tempting, but the longer you can hold off, the better it bodes for your relationship potential. "Lust has to do with hormones and requires no work. But there is no safety net with lust," says relationship expert Bonnie Eaker Weil (www.makeupdontbreakup.com). "Love takes time to develop, so go slowly. Don't give into your lust if you can avoid it--that is, if you want more than a booty call." To keep your urges from overwhelming you, try getting to know each other in less charged environments where you can't get into trouble--over email and the phone, or lunch dates vs. 10 p.m. meetings, which all too easily involve alcohol and can lead back to someone's apartment.

...And if you don't wait, enjoy it!
Of course, not everyone has the will power to wait--nor should they! It all depends on what you're looking for. "If you're easily hurt or really want to be in a relationship, this might not be the best decision for you," says Sharyn Wolf, author of So You Want To Get Married: Guerrilla Tactics For Turning A Date Into A Mate. One way to tell if you're psychologically capable of taking the plunge is to ask yourself: If you get up tomorrow and you don't hear from this person in 24 hours, how will you feel? If your answer is "devastated," then do your best to abstain. If your answer is "Not great, but hey, that night of unbridled passion was worth it anyway!" then feel free to proceed.

Up the intensity in bed
Whether you sleep together sooner or later, there are plenty of things you can do during sex that can make a purely physical connection feel much more romantic. For starters, try some eye contact. "Anytime you look into someone's eyes during sex, it's intense," says Julie Taylor, author of How To Be A Dominant Diva. "Also, caressing someone's face or hair feels especially tender." And if you're the talkative type? While it may be tempting to shower them with compliments like "You're so hot/amazing/gorgeous!" you're better off with exclamations that emphasize how you two are amazing together, like "I can't believe how our bodies fit together so perfectly."

Make it known you want more
What if, after a few dates (or nights) together you find yourself wondering, "Could this be the real thing?" Then it's probably time to put out some feelers in your date's direction. "Let this person know where you stand, instead of trying to fish around and find out where they stand, which never works," says Wolf. "Say something like, 'The level of chemistry here is intense, and that makes me curious if there's something more here.' That way you're just throwing it out there rather than putting on the pressure." If your date responds with "I feel the same way," then you may well be on your way to a relationship. If your date shrugs it off, that may mean he or she isn't interested in a relationship and that you should move on.

Time your "I love you"
It's the moment of truth: You've spent enough time together that you could swear you want to spend the rest of your life with this person--and not just in bed, either. It's time to utter those three little words... only when? And is it too soon? Here, some general rules of thumb: Don't say it in bed after getting busy; great sex can cloud your judgment. Plus, the recipient will forever wonder, "Does this person love me because the sex is great, or does this person love me for me?" So instead, choose a moment when you two are doing something incredibly unpassionate--parting ways after a lazy weekend brunch together, or just sitting around one evening watching bad reality shows. Because these are the moments, no matter how unsexy, on which a solid relationship is really built.

Lisa Lombardi is a writer and editor based in New York. She's contributed to Redbook, Cosmopolitan and Marie Claire.

Lust & Love: 10 Hot Topics
By Chelsea Badeau, Comcast.net Relationships Editor

March 24, 2006

Check out 10 hot topics (plus a few honorable mentions) that are floating around the romantic realm this week:

1. Don't Date Him Girl
www.DontDateHimGirl.com

Can you catch a cheater before you even go on a first date? Cheaters, beware! I was watching the news the other day and I saw a report about this Web site where women can anonymously post intimate details of wrongdoing by a cheating ex so that other women can avoid him. The women can even include pictures of their ex-lovers. I guess karma will get cheaters one way or another. Obviously, there is a caveat--you can't completely take strangers words at face value. The Web site also gives the 'cheating men' an opportunity to defend themselves, but few have so far. This site has caused such a stir that there is actually an opposition site (www.classaction-dontdatehimgirl.com). There is also a version (www.DontDateHerMan.com) in the works for men to call out women's wandering ways.

2. Romantics Propose to Go All Out for Big Night

Prom has always been a big deal, but now that hot teen shows like The O.C. and Laguna Beach are playing prom up--it seems the high school formal is now a huge deal. That includes the prom proposals. Yes...proposals. Teens are going to extremes to ask their potential dates to prom. Some teens are creating "Will you go to prom with me?" Web sites, giving custom M&M's, and even posting personal prom ads. Even though Napoleon Dynamite was a huge hit, I guess the old-school note method isn't so hot with today's over-the-top teens.

3. True Love Takes 12 Months

Bath University scientists scoff at the idea of love at first sight. According to their new study, true love (defined by passion, intimacy and commitment) takes at least a year to develop in average relationships. My question: what's an average relationship? Seems like an oxymoron to me.

4. What Wives Want

What do wives want? This is the question every husband wants answered. Sociologists W. Bradford Wilcox and Steven L. Nock of the University of Virginia delved into this great mystery. Their findings assert that women are happiest in marriages in which men meet their emotional needs, are financially dependable, and do their "fair share" of housework. Of course, their study has sparked a lot of interesting debate around the topic of marital success.

5. The Part of My Body I Love Is ...?

That's a hard question for many people to answer. Most can instantly name five things they dislike about their physical appearance, but may have trouble choosing one feature they actually like. Almost thirty women responded to this question and their answers are as varied as their ages (13-83). Their answers are from the heart and make me feel proud to be in a woman's body.

6. Love in a Cold Climate

Walkers looking for love in the Isle of Wight now have a new way to meet fellow singles--the speed-dating walk. This innovative way to meet singles started as a strategy to bring publicity to the Isle of Wight's annual walking festival. Singles stroll along a scenic route and swap partners every five minutes. At the end of the day, the singles decide if any of the other walkers are their speed or not. So what if you're freezing? At least the chill takes the focus off the cold shoulder you might be getting.

7. Orthodox Jews Find Love on the Web

Thanks to Frumster.com, single Orthodox Jews looking for marriage have a place to meet other singles with similar religious values. The name of the Web site is derived from the Yiddish word 'frum,' which means 'modest.' Frumster representatives say the site has successfully matched over 500 couples that have already married or have plans to tie the knot. (Another site that specializes in connecting Jewish singles is www.JDate.com.)

8. Eat, Pray, Love Brings Answers

Author Elizabeth Gilbert writes about her year-long odyssey out of misery in Eat, Pray, Love. In the book, she chronicles her recovery from a bitter divorce, her struggles with depression, and overcoming a disastrous rebound affair. Thanks to Oprah and her amazing power of suggestion, Gilbert's book made it all the way to the best-seller list. If any of you have read this book, let me know what you think of it.

9. Older Males Falling for Romance Anime?

It seems that women aren't the only ones who can't get their fill of romance. Men in their forties and fifties are being sucked into romance graphic novels. Hanaforce.com reports that more men than women subscribe to its Romance Cartoon Special, a monthly anime service.

10. Seeking Love Much Farther than Cupid's Arrow

Flying a thousand miles or more to meet the person you have been chatting and exchanging pictures with online for the past few months seems like a big risk to take. But nowadays, more and more people are willing to take that risk. Now that the Internet has blown apart the physical boundaries and limitations of dating, it seems there is no end to how far people will travel in their quest for true love.

A Few Honorable Mentions...

Joan Rivers Looks for Love on Match.com

I guess Joan isn't having much luck snagging dates on the red carpet. I mean with her insightful and witty banter I just can't imagine why the fellas aren't falling all over themselves to be with her. The queen of trash-talk has posted a profile on Match.com and is searching for a 'lucky' man. So far she hasn't even gotten a wink. Awww...how sad!

Jilted in Love, Girl Consumes Poison

Now this really is sad. A teenage girl attempted to file a complaint against her ex-boyfriend because he allegedly refused to marry her. When she was not successful in filing her complaint, she consumed poisonous tablets and was rushed to the hospital. Fortunately, her condition is not reported as life-threatening.

Love at First Sight, After 14 Years of Marriage

On a much happier note, a man who had never been able to see facial details, underwent surgery that allowed him to clearly see his wife's face for the first time in their 14-year marriage. Talk about an eye-opening experience! If any of you saw the first episode of Miracle Workers, there was a similar scenario. A man who had been blind for 20 years had eye surgery and was able to look into his wife's and children's eyes for the first time. I can't even imagine how that moment must have felt.


Have you seen any eye-catching stories, surveys, or studies about love or romance? Please feel free to submit any interesting links to chelscorner@comcast.net.

Chelsea Badeau can be reached at chelscorner@comcast.net .

The opinions expressed in this column are those of the author and do not necessarily reflect the views of Comcast.