STYLETHREAD -- LET'S TALK SHOP!

Ok, I've been thinking about how to approach this problem since last night. There are several things going on here. Some are manageable and some, unfortunately, are the kind of things that will not change. I'm really sorry you have to deal with this bastard, though. What an ass.

1) Your company is completely anti-woman. There's nothing you can do about this one at all. Any emotion you show, any complaining you do, any reaction whatsover to the boys will just make things worse. Given the situation, pretty much everyone from hr to the secretaries will side with this guy. And he's setting you up to get upset, which would prove - in these bastard's eyes' - that he's right about you. Do NOT explain yourself. And do NOT try to fight this. You have to manage an eye rolling "you can try this kind of stuff on me but it won't get a reaction and it just makes you guys look dumb" attitude.

2) He's an ass, and he's trying to push your buttons. Your instinct is normally to get out there and fight when people do stuff like this. But you have to hold back and let him look stupid. You also have to forge some alliances. People may nod when he talks, but almost no one ever really, truly believes bad gossip. They just go along with it. If they have no relationship with you, it will color their thinking. If they've chatted with you at the coffee machine, they will basically think you're ok, and try to stay out of any conflict you have with the boss. Which is why you don't trash him - at least not obviously. (Pity, little stories about things he's messed up that you fixed, and so on, intermixed with compliments like "I don't know how he does all the work he does with his health being so bad..." are, of course, freebies. God I'm mean sometimes. It's great, though).

3) He thinks he's right. You're not going to change his mind. This means you have to work within what he thinks in order to do what you want. So 1) you have to know what you want and 2) you have to avoid telling him what you want and 3) he has to think it was his idea.

So how does all the above work out in practice? You hear he's trashing you and you say "Poor man, he's been working so hard. I think everything sort of slows down when you're older and he's so brave to try to compensate..." Maybe be a little less mean. But not much.

When you see him next, thank him for giving you his opinion yesterday. Say you understand the objectives of the job much more clearly now and you're very excited to have the opportunity to work with him. Whatever he asks you to do (and he will probably up the clerical crap just to make his point) either do it or delegate it to an actual clerical person. Obviously, the latter is preferrable. Do NOT complain or appear at all bothered.

As for the meetings, this is a swinging dick power thing. You can just go, and hope that if you compliment him enough, he won't throw you out. Or you can ignore it and find something else that indicates you have power (this is how thermostat nazis are born, btw).

Finally, your job has value. You don't like doing the crap work because he's being an ass. You probably wouldn't mind it if it wasn't, literally, a game that he is winning. So stop pushing, because that plays into his game. Just do what you want to do, compliment him while doing it, and stop tryign to get him to admit you're right.

I hope this helps. My thoughts aren't as clear as usual since I've only had about four hours of sleep...But basically, just stop fighting with the asshole, and do what you want. It really, really, really wont' matter. No one at work expects things to make sense. Does that make sense?