STYLETHREAD -- LET'S TALK SHOP!

kenzie · Chanel

Oh, crap. *updated*

Collette · Chanel

RE: Oh, crap.

relrel · Marc Jacobs

have you gotten any overtures towards girlfriends from either one? or is it just a vibe kind of thing? i mean, has T said something specific? or has either said anything about dating other people? i guess what im trying to get it is if this is all in your head (ya know...typical female over analyzing relatiaonships with men) or if it was actually something that came out of either T's or N's mouth to make you start to think about this. i totally think it's okay to keep seeing both unti one of them says something to you about dating exclusively or asks if you are seeing someone else. do they know about eachother? and girl, who on earth says you have to date someone seriously (besides your mom!) if you just aren't ready for that? but not that i think about it...if you aren't ready to date someone seriously than maybe that's your answer already. you can't pick because picking sorta says girlfriend/boyfriend. uh, not to be too nosy but the uh, amount of uh, physical contact with either boy might signify to them that uh, you are more in a relationship than you are. so uh, just be careful with your physical signals that you are sending to either them. does that make sense? i hope that helps.

basically what i was trying to say in the garbled mess up above was 1. until either one says something specific about being exclusive you have no reason to decide said exclusivity and should just enjoy the fine companionship and 2. be careful what sort of signals you are sending either boy because boys sometimes aren't the brightest and might misinterpret a hand hold on the way home from dinner. evantually you are going to have to hurt one of these boys (because damn, have you looked in the mirror lately, you are fine!) and if you try to minimize the mixed singals the easier it will be to remain friends after said desicion making in number one.

hope that helps!

confliction is okay!

kenzie · Chanel

relrel wrote:

basically what i was trying to say in the garbled mess up above was 1. until either one says something specific about being exclusive you have no reason to decide said exclusivity and should just enjoy the fine companionship and 2. be careful what sort of signals you are sending either boy because boys sometimes aren't the brightest and might misinterpret a hand hold on the way home from dinner. evantually you are going to have to hurt one of these boys (because damn, have you looked in the mirror lately, you are fine!) and if you try to minimize the mixed singals the easier it will be to remain friends after said desicion making in number one. hope that helps! confliction is okay!

Well, I'm getting definite girlfriend type vibes from T. N is more on my page with just taking it easy and seeing what happens. N knows about T. I can't say that the reverse is true, but I'm having a discussion tonight. There are so many other factors to this that I don't want to get into at the moment, but I'm just feeling conflicted and really don't want to hurt anybody. I realize that may be inevitable.

poptart · Coach

I think the best thing you can be in this situation is honest. If you talk with T about where you are at in terms of not wanting a relationship, then it is his decision if he wants to hang around and date you casually and see what happens, or not. If someone does get hurt (which, as you say, may be inevitable) at least you know that you were honest and that the choice was his.

Just out of curiousity - why do you not feel like you want to be in a relationship. Do you want the freedom, or are you scared of another bad situation like the one with Stupid? (I'm capping his name now, btw. )

kenzie · Chanel

Lisa wrote:

IJust out of curiousity - why do you not feel like you want to be in a relationship. Do you want the freedom, or are you scared of another bad situation like the one with Stupid? (I'm capping his name now, btw. )

Ha. Stupid. No, seriously, I feel like I just managed to shake Stupid. I still saw him up until about a month ago and I think that I just need some time for myself. I think I just need a few months to just be me. Not me and insert-bf's-name-here, does that make sense? I'm a fiercely independent person, so I'm not one to jump right into something, I guess.

poptart · Coach

NylaBelle wrote:

Lisa wrote: IJust out of curiousity - why do you not feel like you want to be in a relationship. Do you want the freedom, or are you scared of another bad situation like the one with Stupid? (I'm capping his name now, btw. ) Ha. Stupid. No, seriously, I feel like I just managed to shake Stupid. I still saw him up until about a month ago and I think that I just need some time for myself. I think I just need a few months to just be me. Not me and insert-bf's-name-here, does that make sense? I'm a fiercely independent person, so I'm not one to jump right into something, I guess.

Good. If it was fear of something bad, I might encourage you to try to move past it, but I think wanting to be alone for a bit is totally healthy and very smart. And if you think it's just for a few months, then that's not a super-ridiculous amount of time to expect someone to wait, IMO. And if he/they aren't willing, then you'll know neither of them were right for you right now. Let us know how the talk with T goes!

NCshopper · Hermes

I know you don't want to hurt anyone, but I think you need to put your needs and wants first. I don't mean to say that you should deliberately hurt anyone obviously, but it sounds like you're finally happy for the first time in awhile and you certainly don't want to ruin that by entering into a relationship because you feel guilty. So, I think you're doing the right thing by taking it slow and being honest with both of them about where you're at. Any guy worth keeping around would certainly understand and will be patient while you figure out what you want.

nicoley · Coach

RE: Oh, crap. *updated*

Tati · Chanel

have you asked yourself this question, are you afraid to lose one of them? cause theres not that many great guys out there right?

just cause i was caught up with 2 guys when i was single before too. i married one of them.

edited to say that at that time i too (and also he) were just out of a relationship also. i maybe had a month break if i remember right. So long ago, im so old! and one of the guys knew about each other and the other one didn't. sorry if i didn't help!

-- Edited by Tati at 16:08, 2005-12-30

fashionista L · Coach

Wow, sounds like a great dilemna to have!! I agree with the others about just being honest. I know how you feel about not wanting to be a girlfriend right away. I also recently broke up with my "stupid" and it seems like it is os easy to just fall into another relationship!! Don't do it until you are completely ready!! Believe me I know this from experience... (thats another story) you will regret it!! Hope this helps!!