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janey831


Kate Spade

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help
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I'm currently seeing a new guy. Last night was his birthday so I had dinner with his married couple friends. Afterward, we all went over to his friend's house to drink a little then go out to the bars. Before we went inside, he tells me and his other friends that his friend whose place we are going to gets a little rowdy when he is drunk. Think: obnoxious. So we drink a little, go out to the bars, and are about to leave when his friend totally gets more obnoxious than usual. He starts a fight with some guy and of course the guy that I am seeing feels the need to
"back him up". The only sane people there are me and his married couple friends. They try to pull him away from the situation, but he keeps going back. I ask him repeatedly to come into the car and sit with me. He doesnt. I at point am feeling a little distraught, scared, disorietned, so i call one of our mutual friends to come pick me up. Meanwhile, his friends are telling me to make up with Joe, blah blah, but I'm pissed because not only was his friend being stupid but he slapped my butt hard, at least 3 times. Rowdy I can deal with, obnoxious I cannot. We went back to our cars and that's when we got in a huge fight and he stormed off and told our mutual friend that he was going to go crash at his friend's house, because we wouldnt let him have his keys. I was worried so I made our mutual friend help me look for him. We must have driven around for an hour, in this time i fell and bruised my the palms of my hands because I fell on some rocks. I don't think he unserstands why i was upset and he probably thinks I was being difficult (which I admit I was). I called him this morning and his phone was still turned off, but I left VM saying please call me when you get this message. He never called. So i called at noon and his phone was finally turned on becuase it rang, but then he didnt pick up so I left another message saying that I was worried and please call me back. This was 4 hours ago. What do you think? I am super depressed because this is the first guy I've really liked since my ex....I am also the type of person that needs to resolve things as soon as possible, so this whole thing is just really bothering me.

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Andrea Julia


Coach

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Maybe he is afraid you are going to break up with him and is trying to prolong things.  He may feel like he acted badly and feel too guilty to call you.  However, if he wants to be with you, he will pick up the phone in the next few days and call you.  Then it is up to you what you want to do.  I know it's hard because you want to resolve things now, but don't call him anymore.  You called twice so he should definitely know you are concerned and still care.


 



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Kel


Coach

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How long have you been seeing him for?

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janey831


Kate Spade

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I've been seeing him for about a month, things moved a little quickly because we saw eachother a lot...

Some backstory: he is a really great guy, he might even b e one of the nicest guys I've ever dated. He is so sweet, gentle, and just really....great. I have a few issues, but hey, a good guy is really hard to come by these days.

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fashionista L


Coach

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I am the exact same way as you as that I always feel the need to quickly resolve any issue that comes up. You have called twice now so i think "the ball" is in his court. You are not in the wrong, he was acting immature, and like Andrea Julia said he probably feels a lil awkward and uncomfortable now because you have just recently started dating. Everything will work itself out. Don't worry!! Keep us posted!!

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~ Leslie
gypsyfreak


Coach

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I don't have anything to add, but I think Andrea Julia has given you some great advice. You've already called him, so it's now up to him to call you back. Please keep us posted. I hope it works out for you.

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Kel


Coach

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I agree with the other girls. He might be embrassed on the way he acted. But make sure when you talk to him, you tell him how you feel about the whole situation that happend.

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janey831


Kate Spade

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ok, the though crossed my mind that he might feel embarassed. here are some other things t hat happened in our little exchange. he accused me of giving him a hard time all night, and that i just didn't understand how he couldnt walkaway from his obnoxious friend. i mentioned that he slapped my behind and that it bothered me, but he just said, i told you how he was. also, his friends must have gotten fed up because when i got in our friend's car to go home, his obnoxious buddies were telling him to "fofget about her" and just come with them. well, he chose to ride with me, and then we got in the fight by our respective cars. the last thing he said before he left was that he was "over it". whatever that means. i'm not sure if he was drunk, but i'm assuming he was since it was his birthday and we did drink a fair amount. i can't believe how much this is dricing me crazy. ahhhh. boys.

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Kel


Coach

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How old is he? Because he seems like he is acting a little inmature that night, saying things like " i told you that is the way i am." Also about the fighting thing my b/f and I used to get into huge arguments about this when we first got together. He said that he had to stand up for his friends and i said he was just looking for a fight. Anyways, somehow we worked it out, i think it comes with the persons age though.

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janey831


Kate Spade

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he just turned 25. the reference to him saying "i told you that's the way he was" is referring to his obnoxious friend, not the guy i am dating. what bothered me was that his friend kept grabbing/slapping my a** and it seemed like my guy didnt really seem to care, didn't think there was anything wrong with it, or just didnt really get what i was trying to say to him.

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Kel


Coach

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Maybe it was just one stupid drunken night, but it is defintely weird he hasen't called you



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calichic


Dooney & Bourke

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I'm sorry that this has happened.  I think that most of us want to have issues resolved asap and boys just don't.  Weird that he hasn't called you, perhaps he is REALLY hungover...   Was he acting that way bc of the alcohol?  Have you been around him and the obnoxious friend before when everyone was sober?  If so, did he act the same way?   Boys are so confusing.  I hope that everything works out. 

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Dizzy


Marc Jacobs

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Um, sweetie, he's drunk, violent, inconsiderate, tolerant of his friends treating you disrespectfully and unable to answer your phone calls. Are you sure the problem is that you want to keep him? Because this kind of behavior isn't the sort of thing that happens just once. And it does NOT sound like you were having fun last night. If he understands that he screwed up and has the grace to admit it, then maybe he would deserve your continued dating - with conditions. And did he actually say YOU were being difficult? With a straight face? And YOU were giving him a hard time? And now he wants to dump YOU because you don't understand him? Wow. Wow. Wow.

I really think you deserve better, and it might be a good idea to not take his calls for a while. If for no other reason than this type responds well to games like that, if you still think you might want to keep him.

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scarlett


Marc Jacobs

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I agree with Dizzy, I don't think this guy is deserving of you. No good boyfriend would tolerate one of his friends grabbing and smacking your butt. That is completely disrespectful and out of line.

The other stuff I am not as clear on, but the thing with his friend would be reason enough (for me anyway) to not see him anymore. If one of my BF's friends did that to me, he would be absolutely furious at the friend.

We all have nights where we drink too much and act stupid, but he took it too far with getting in a fight on his obnoxious friend's behalf. The ball is in his court now. If he calls you back and is apologetic and willing to discuss this, then it's at least open for negotiation, so to speak.

I know good guys aren't super plentiful, but you should remind yourself of what you're worth and what you deserve in life. He might be your first real crush since your ex, but there are other nice guys out there too...

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http://fugitiveduck.blogspot.com/
janey831


Kate Spade

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Posts: 1064
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you know. i've given it some thought and you guys are right. i mean i have no idea why he has any right to be THAT upset at me when I should be the one who is upset. I've talked to a few of my guy friends and they all agree that I have every right to be upset. This is ridiculous. But, I am willing to hear what he has to say, but if he never chooses to call me, then so be it.



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scarlett


Marc Jacobs

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I am glad to hear you're feeling better. It's nice that you have guy friends to bounce this off of too, and also that they are reassuring you that your reaction is understandable. I think if this guy doesn't call you back he is even more immature and undeserving of you than we thought! Good luck.

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http://fugitiveduck.blogspot.com/
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