STYLETHREAD -- LET'S TALK SHOP!

I totally know how you feel.  How old are you?  I love my Mom to death, but sometimes she is just the hardest person to deal with.  I think some of it (for me anyway) is that I'm still young and I like to choose the way I live my life, most of the time that's a different way than she lives her life and/or how I was raised.  It gets in the way when you are trying to figure out who you are and what you want IMO, and it's even worse when you have very different personalities.  Most of the time I feel like the parent, actually!  Good luck!  We're always here if you need to vent

I do not get along with my mother. We have not spoken to each other since I was 18 (I'm 20 now). It stems from a lifetime of her being overly critical of me and never being satisfied with my life choices. The second she found out I was gifted, she kept forcing me to look at careers that I wasn't really into for my own sake. She was also so intensely critical of my weight and kept calling me fat...something I'm still living with even though I can walk into a mall store and wear a size 2-4 easily. She was just as critical of my father and his bad habits that I believe she drove him out of the house too. Deep down, I know she wants the best for me and I certainly don't wish hell on her or anything, but at this point we've kind of agreed to a mutual separation. My mom is also on the other side of the country and doesn't want to visit. When I go to New York, I don't make it a point to visit her, either, though. So the fault lies on both ends.

I get along well with my father and I also am on good terms with my new stepmom. My dad cheated on my mom with my now-stepmom. My stepmom is a doll.

I get along really well with both of my parents but I notice that I have more "tiffs" with my mom.  I think it's actually has very little to do with anything she does and more to do with my attitude.  I can be stubborn and critical and I tend to be pretty harsh on my mom sometimes.  Especially if we're arguing about something (and it's usually something VERY minor) I just won't back down because I feel the need to be right.  Which is stupid really.  I'm trying to be better about recognizing when before it starts to hit the fan because it's kind of like a slow motion train-wreck--I can see it coming but feel like I'm powerless to stop it, when in reality I can stop it, because it's me causing the train wreck to happen usually.  I agree with LMonet too about the age thing--I'm 24 and I feel like sometimes I'm still trying to assert my independence from her (as silly as it may be).

I'm also trying to figure out when these tiffs happen--like certain activities we just CANNOT do together, like craft projects--we will pick and pick at each other until one of us ends up in tears.  So no more craft projects for us--instead we'll do lunch or go shopping or do yardwork together or cook.  Maybe try to find an activity that you and your mom can do together without arguing.  And if that just doesn't work, then you might try to pick your battles with your mom--you don't have to win every argument, so just let her have them.  Pick the things that are important to you to be right about and let the smaller ones go.

my mom and i get along great, same for my dad.  but they are my parents, not my friends.  i don't mean that in a bad way either.

now i miss them, but i'll see them at christmas.

Ewww, yucky topic. Yes, I get along ok with my mom but she surely isn't my bestest friend or anything. She & my sister talk several times a day & this has actually cause many a problem with my sister & I because I feel that I can't tell my sister anything because she will tell my mom. And my sister wishes we were best friends but I don't want all the business I'd tell my best friend being fed to my mother. Back to mom - we are SO much alike that I think we just butt heads a lot. I am very independent, moved out when i was 18, moved away (a whole 45 minutes, gasp) & then to Dallas - all of that has harmed our relationship. My mom is very serious about family & thinks everyone should live in close proximity & I am just not going to make life decisions about my life (husband, job, etc) based on how close they are to my parents. I think when I moved I had all kinds of unresolved issues with this because though she wanted me close, she usually expected me to come to her, she rarely came to my house, which I think is just ridiculous.

I also sometimes think she is kind of jealous since she hates her job & wants to stay home & her situation doesn't allow it but mine does. She also CONSTANTLY comments on my weight, which irritates the crap out of me. She wants me to work & I won't to make her happy. She has taken to asking me during every conversation we have about my job situation & my weight. Instead of continuing to telling her I'm not looking for a job & my diet sucks, I have started asking her about her job (horrid) & her weight (too much). So that has slowed the yucky conversations a bit. I just think the older I get the more I realize she is transferring her issues to me & that is unfair, but I think pretty typical.

Like everyone else, I just think nothing I do is good enough. And even though she says she just wants me to be happy - i think what she really means is that she wants me to be happy doing what she thinks I should be doing & living the life she wants for me.

Whoa. true confessions, huh?

I get along so well with my mother.  We fought a lot when I was a teenager, but once I moved out to go to college, we started getting along so much better.  I see her about once every month or two, and spend the night whenever I do go home--no problems there, whether I stay in all night or stay out all night with some old high school friends.  She is totally caring, loving, supportive and understanding, and simply the best mother ever--she has her flaws, but who doesn't.  I am very grateful I have this relationship with her because a lot of my friends don't have this with their moms.  She gets on my nerves because she tends to see things in black and white, whereas I see life in shades of grey, but I have to overlook that. 

Just writing this makes me want to call her.

 

my mom and i do, especially when there's a bottle (or three) of wine involved.    i think it took a while to get to that point because she was really hurt when i decided to move so far away for college.  she even bribed me not to move so far.  she later admitted that she was worried that i would meet a boy on the east coast and never look back.  i think also what helped was me just doing what i wanted.  making plans to go on vacation with friends, etc.. and not asking her, just telling her.  that way she could see me in more of an adult role and not as a child anymore. 

we both have the same career so we discuss that a lot.   but sometimes i wish that we could have less "business" convos.  a lot of our convos. are about me getting this plane ticket, or scheduling that, etc... that gets really frustrating.  overall, i think it's only going to get better as i grow up and she sees me as more of an adult. 

Thanks, everybody for your amazing responses!! I told my sister how I felt and she responded with "Get over it, nobody really gets along with their parents"

Obviously some do!! And some do not. And it is all perfectly simple and very complicated.

Thanks again for sharing your thoughts. You all seem to have a great handle on this crazy mother daughter thing and I am taking insiration from everyone!

Edit- I am also hoping sharing this was helpful for some of you!

-- Edited by sage at 20:45, 2005-10-18

funny you should ask since my mom is visiting me right now. yes & no. for the most part we get along, and my mom is my biggest cheerleader, which i'm incredibly thankful for. at the same time i don't feel like she views me as an adult, and that irks me.