STYLETHREAD -- LET'S TALK SHOP!

XtinaStyles · Marc Jacobs

online dating - how to describe one's body

pollyjean23 · Marc Jacobs

That is an interesting topic. The meaning of a word can shift over time, and, in this case, it simply differs from one context to another.

Could you use the word, hourglass? It's kind of cliche'-ish, but it might be a good option. Your research reveals the unfortunate truth about the word, curvy. The number of people who have used it as a euphemism--when they're really not curvy at all--has begun to turn the meaning of the word in this setting.

Those pics are great! I don't know why you're not getting many bites! I met DH on Match.com; it can be done! Best wishes. :)

Boots · Gucci

Hourglass is the first word that came to mind when I saw your photos (you look gorgeous!) You have a tiny waist and well proportioned upper and lower half. To me, that's an hourglass figure.

I think the term curvy has gotten over used and warped. It used to mean somebody like Jennifer Lopez, Beyonce, or other women who had a body, you know, with curves. I feel that it's now used to describe too many various types of bodies, so men, being the simple creatures that they are, just hear it and think "fat." It's sad, because I think the term "womanly" is going that way too. And I hate the idea that we are coming up with new ways of negatively decribing ourselves.

Honestly though, any guy who would not want to date you based on the fact that you used the term "curvy" isn't worth your time.

gingembre1 · Kate Spade

Hi Xtina - I think you're talking about the choices Match gives you to describe your body type? So I know hourglass isn't an option. I too had this dilemma - I am Curvy in the "true" sense of the word, but on Match I think I ended up putting down athletic because, as you so rightly point out, Curvy has come to be associated with less than pleasant connotations. I think, in your case, given the limited options I would just use average. As you note, you've posted many, many pictures. You're not deceiving anyone, and I feel like "average" is just what it says - Average. You're not what I would call full-figured, and the way that curvy has been twisted doesn't fit either. So put down Average and wink away!!

Suasoria · Chanel

I have no idea but you look gorgeous. Dayumn, girl.

XtinaStyles · Marc Jacobs

gingembre1 wrote:
Hi Xtina - I think you're talking about the choices Match gives you to describe your body type? So I know hourglass isn't an option. I too had this dilemma - I am Curvy in the "true" sense of the word, but on Match I think I ended up putting down athletic because, as you so rightly point out, Curvy has come to be associated with less than pleasant connotations. I think, in your case, given the limited options I would just use average. As you note, you've posted many, many pictures. You're not deceiving anyone, and I feel like "average" is just what it says - Average. You're not what I would call full-figured, and the way that curvy has been twisted doesn't fit either. So put down Average and wink away!!

Yes, they don't really give many options. It's 'Average' 'Curvy' and 'Full-Figured' I believe.

By definition, my body is actually more statistically 'average' than any of the other options but I think 'average' has been understood to mean 'normal' and not in any way overweight. I can't even count the number of times I've heard a man ranting about how someone called themselves average when they were in fact, a 'fat' size 10.

Le sigh. Thanks for the compliments, everyone. I will see if maybe I can revamp with my profile as well. Seriously, I get like one email per week, if that.

-- Edited by XtinaStyles on Saturday 11th of June 2011 11:00:53 AM

pollyjean23 · Marc Jacobs

I'm totally not saying you should do this, but your post reminds me of a woman I knew a while back. She was doing the online dating thing, and she purposely listed a bunch of very (stereotypical) manly hobbies and likes just so she could build a large pool of candidates. I don't think she truly liked all of it (maybe a few), but I thought it was funny how blatant she was about it. She did get a ton of responses.

To use a shopping metaphor, she went about it in the Gabriel Bros. way, while others might feel more comfortable going the highly-edited-boutique-route. smile

Yana · Dooney & Bourke

VOLUPTUOS sounds sensual to me, but do you really need to describe your body if you post pics? Why not to concentrate on interests and achievements, likes/dislikes or something...sorry, I've never been on online dating site site...anyway, I hope it ends in a fairy tale!

atlgirl · Gucci

No help here with the online dilemma, but I don't think I've ever seen a full-length photo of you and just wanted to say, WOW!! Your figure rocks! Best of luck with the dating!

XtinaStyles · Marc Jacobs

Aw thanks again guys. I wish the men agreed :-\

Collette · Chanel

I'm right there with you sweetie. I recently joined Match as well and listed myself as Curvy. I do get a lot of emails but from guys who are NOT my type. I did have a couple of dates though. The worst one though was when the guy faked a call from his mom left and then text me like 2 minutes later pretty much telling me I was too fat and my tattoos were disgusting. Nice.

Hermes

Xtina - I think you're gorgeous, and hourglass is definitely a good description. However, since you are limited to the choices the site gives you, I would definitely go with average and rely on your pictures for more information. Because, in truth, you are average. There are more woman with your shape than any other shape.

So many men want trophies, and they equate the value and trophy-worthiness of a woman based on the size of her butt. It's societal conditioning and peer pressure. The guys that value a woman based on butt-size aren't the guys you want anyway.

Like others have said, focus on how intelligent, humorous, travelled, and interesting you are. There has got to be a guy out there that values a woman that connects with him mentally and would be very proud to have you on his arm as his gorgeously curvy, confident and sharp partner in life.

Hermes

Collette wrote:
I'm right there with you sweetie. I recently joined Match as well and listed myself as Curvy. I do get a lot of emails but from guys who are NOT my type. I did have a couple of dates though. The worst one though was when the guy faked a call from his mom left and then text me like 2 minutes later pretty much telling me I was too fat and my tattoos were disgusting. Nice.

What the?!? Faked a call then, what? Texted you from the bathroom or something? What an ass! And to tell you the reason he couldn't continue a conversation/meeting with you because of the way you look? Ridiculous.

As an adult, people looked different to me after I got to know them. Some become beautiful and some become ugly. I found that appearance means little to me, really. I always fell for who a person was inside.

Unfortunately, for many guys, they focus on the physical before they try to get to know you. I feel it's so important to become friends first with no romantic inclinations. I know, hard to do on a dating site. But this way you get to know each other for who you both are, and often times that can lead to a mutual and lasting love.

I think I've told this story before, but I actually tried to fix my now husband up with someone else, and it didn't dawn on me to date him myself until I started telling him about his positive attributes that lead me to fixing him up. Then it dawned on me. Why was I not dating him? We have been together ever since that moment, almost 16 years ago.

XtinaStyles · Marc Jacobs

Ugh Collette, that is so awful! What did you do?

I actually just read a similar story on a blog that i read. A girl meets a guy from online at a bar, obviously they're not a match. As she's trying to think of a polite excuse to leave, he "gets a phone call" exits the bar and texts her:
Now I see why you wouldnt send me more pics, ur not cute at all and youre huge! BYE!

Hearing these sorts of stories makes me want to crawl up into a hole and never even pursue dating. People are so cruel.

Boots · Gucci

God, guys can be such a-holes? I'm betting than none of these guys are exactly George Clooney themselves either! These dating site should have comment sections (like Sephora or Amazon.) So you can warn others about the jerks and recommend the ones who just don't' click with you.

I'd like to think that a-holes who pull crap like that are destined to end up alone anyways.

Collette & Xtina- you are both amazing and beautiful because you are YOU. If some random idiot thinks otherwise, screw him. The tattoos, the curves, the way you laugh, the things you enjoy doing.... these the things that make you special should be the reason a guy wants to be with you. If these guys want some airbrushed barbie girl with a blow up doll's brain to date, better to get rid of the bum now than after you've wasted anymore precious time on him.

I'm in my late 30's and still single. I know that I'm picky when it comes to guys and would probably date more if I were less choosey. But honestly, I'd rather be alone than spend time with a guy who, well when you come down to it and even though it sounds so immodest and self important, I'd rather be alone than with a guy who isn't worthy of my time. I'm not perfect, but I like me. Hell, if I were a guy, I'd date me.

Collette · Chanel

XTina.... I went home and cried. Very mature of me.

Hermes

Collette wrote:
XTina.... I went home and cried. Very mature of me.

NOT immature. NORMAL. No one likes to be rejected, regardless of the rejectee. We put ourselves out there in the world, and whether we want to admit it or not, we all want to be loved and accepted -- it's just human nature.

(((hugs)))

Boots · Gucci

D wrote:
Collette wrote:
XTina.... I went home and cried. Very mature of me.
NOT immature. NORMAL. No one likes to be rejected, regardless of the rejectee. We put ourselves out there in the world, and whether we want to admit it or not, we all want to be loved and accepted -- it's just human nature.
(((hugs)))

Exactly. Plus, I probably wouldn't have made it home before I cried. And I don't cry easily.

valenciana · Dooney & Bourke

Late to the convo, but I would definitely list average because 1 - you're not lying at all!! and 2 - I think the way it's set up you only see the profile of people who fit your criteria and you know most guys aren't going to pick curvy or full figured or whatever (because they are jerks, and obviously all look like Bradley Cooper, right?).

If you think you're ready to crawl in a hole and give up on dating now, just google Magic Bullets and The Rules of the Game. Then you'll really never want to speak to another man! (But, then you'll learn to spot the jerks a mile away!)

And really I wanted to post to give ((hugs)) to everyone. These are some horrendous stories!

Yana · Dooney & Bourke

GIrls, the guys are awful! Collette, i'm so sorry you had to deal with such a piece of shit & imbecile! I have a friend, kind of friend, we're not close, anyhow, she's an event planner & knows about everyone in our city...dated so much...very sweet, however, very overweight and doesn't do anything about it. As much as i say "love yourself & enjoy your life" - it's like it's a point for her to prove, she detests anything healthy & unfotunately she looks this way. As much as she loves fashion, the weight adds to her age ( early 30-s) and is unhealthy: she is a chatter & you can hear difficulty in talking/breathing right away...so, she's single...can't find a guy, has tried for years, the only unmarried in our company, knows the whole city, sweet, but...however, she doesn't even try weight wise... I spoke to a couple who met online, the guy dated A LOT online. He's a package ( career, etc...), but not George Clooney. So, he tells things as is...LOTS of his friends date online: unfortunately the statistics are gloomy: I quote him: "nobody wants to date a fat girl!" I said it sounded awful, there are so many beautiful large girls, not even fat, just not skinny models...great people, smart, funny, etc...he said - "none of it matters"...unfortunately no matter how the average guy looks, he still thinks Cindy Crawford is right up his alley & wouldn't compromise... Very sad & double standard reality...That's why he told me he & his friends would not even respond to an ad without a pic. If there is only a portrait - there must be a reason...Especially if the guy is well to do = even if he can physically scare a child in the bright daylight, he still thinks he's entitled to a model... I realize I don't encourage anyone...just sharing. I hope you find a good guy in whichever way: online/party/setup, as long as you can have fun and long lasting love relationship. You deserve it! I just wish you spent no time & wasted none of your life on those a...holes...Jeez...how "mature" do you have to be to txt such a thing...Let his metbolism screw him fast & hair leave unevenly.