STYLETHREAD -- LET'S TALK SHOP!

I'm really very sorry for the loss of your friend. The brother of a close friend of mine committed suicide about 9 years ago and I saw the pain and just utter sorrow that a family goes through when someone takes their own life. Anger, sadness, guilt, helplessness, shock. My friend and her family went through all of this and they still do today to a much less extent. The mixture of those emotions is completely normal and expected. So let yourself feel what you will, when you will.

Talking about it helps, so if you feel the need to just talk it out, please feel free to PM me or send me a message on fb.


Again, my sincere sympathies on your loss.

Iam so sorry to hear this, Iam so glad you shared this with us. One of the reasons I love this board. We can share our good news as well as the bad. Suicide is hard on everyone b/c they is no closeure and leaves people thinking they could have done something to prevent it. 

Again hugs and express your feelings anytime

My god, Suasoria.  I am so sorry.  I'll keep you and your friend's family in my thoughts. So sad.

Deleted.

-- Edited by Suasoria on Friday 15th of April 2011 01:50:36 AM

Sad...disrespectful. Did she have siblings?

I'm really sorry you and anyone else who cared about her are experiencing pain from her loss - truly I am. Those who cared about her are the true victims of her actions.

As for the woman who committed suicide, this act was the most selfish and hurtful thing she could possibly do. I have absolutely no sympathy for her. So many people fight to stay alive - and for her to just snuff a precious life with no thought for everyone she would hurt is disgusting to me. I don't care if she wrapped her crotch cellophane and made her paperwork easy to navigate. I don't care if she's mentally unstable -- somewhere, deep down, she knew how this would hurt others and it didn't matter to her (or maybe it did - maybe she really did want to hurt others -- what a cruel thing to do to set it up so he boyfriend would be the one to discover this - there were other options.)

Sorry I'm not sweet and sorrowful toward her, but that's what I think. What a stupid, selfish person.

Your life is what you make it. If her life sucked, that was her choice. To bad she had to bring suckage into other people's lives.

I understand D's feelings here. It is extremely disappointing to hear anyone would just waste a precious life away, most likely, the only life we ever have. I will never be able to relate to a depression that could make anyone want to stop living, almost nothing is that bad, and there's a lotta so called bad out in this world. It's not always someone's choice that their life sucks, but so what... a life that sucks is still a life.

Was she on medication that you are aware? She sounds like someone who was rather detached and methodical.

I like cats, I have one, and I care about animal rights... but if this woman were my family member, I don't know that I would have chosen to read anything at her funeral about animal rights. To me, it seems arrogant of her to have requested such a thing. Absolutely absurd to even consider it, actually. Funerals to me aren't about abiding the wishes of the dead, but especially if the situation is suicide. It's not a press conference, in any case! I would think it would be more appropriate to make a call to action for anyone who knows someone suffering from depression or mental illness.

I mean seriously, if she were genuinely concerned about having it be known by all that she was an animal rights activist, she could have found another way to get the message out to those who would/did attend her funeral. It's not like she sacrificed her life for animals or something. On the contrary, she neglected her own animals. Why couldn't she have waited to die until after she found loving homes for her cats? No... no time for that. She was too busy researching and planning her perfect self execution. Can't be dirtying the carpet, what a mess no one should have to clean up. But oh, abandon my animals, oh yeah, someone will clean up that mess.

On the flip side, human emotions are fascinatingly powerful and I do empathize with people in pain. Of course something happened in her past, and she wasn't properly equipped emotionally to face whatever it was anymore... It's a great shame someone didn't recognize her warning signs well enough... or that she probably wasn't confiding in anyone (can you imagine?). But none of us has a crystal ball, either.

I am very sorry you lost a friend. Honor her memory by noticing if you meet other women with similar characteristics, who knows, maybe they need someone with whom to confide?

Suasoria wrote:

---

Let me see if I can manage this...I appreciate what you're saying, D, really I do. I also believe suicide is extraordinarily selfish. But these comments don't help me process this loss.

I can see you are seething about this. I wish I could have expressed myself differently so it wouldn't have engendered such a strong reaction. I wish I had censored myself a bit more so there weren't so many details for you to latch onto in aggravation.

Sorry, in some respects I still feel like a "newbie" around here, and I don't unload my crap very often on the forum. (This certainly makes me think twice about doing it again in the future. I don't want my doing so to be annoying to anyone.)

Yana, I think the actual diagnosis was MPD. I think I misrepresented above...point being, she was a very tortured person. It's hard for me to think of her as someone in so much pain because I just didn't know that side of her. I guess nobody did. She wasn't a stupid, selfish person to the people who thought they knew her well.

---

Upon re-reading this, it was definitely an emotional outburst on my part and I in no way want to hinder your posting on the forum.  I'm sorry it was not the type of response you wanted and I apologize if I caused you any pain. 

I think in my own way I was trying to help you process the loss in that I gave you a different point of view (seems as though she's being somewhat idolized and viewed as a victim by your peer group.) 

I also have had a lot of exposure to suicide, and have formed some strong opinions on it (obviously.)

I think what angers me most about this is that she was a nurse.  I work for a hospital, and even though I know health workers get desensitized about death, it bothers me that she has witnessed so many people struggling to stay alive and thought it was a good idea to throw her healthy, young life away.  Additionally, if she's so concerned about preserving the lives of living things (animals, people) then it just seems hypocritical to me that she chose to kill (herself) and not live on to make a difference in a causes she supposedly believed in.

Like you said, you really didn't know her well.  Her decision to end her life should give you some insight into who she really was.

 

 

 

I am so sorry for your loss.

My best friend is like a sister to me. She was diagnosed with Bipolar disorder some years ago. I am thankful that she is managing her life now with medication but prior to that, she would dissappear for days and then show up looking bubbly and happy (read manic) and I being totally clueless, didn't really know how to process it. I started to think she was just a flake. 

I now understand why she would dissapear during those times she was in her low and  she did infact make several attempts to take her own life. Horrible. I wept when she told me what she was going through. Mainly because I had no idea and wondered if I could have done something to help.

I understand your anger because you lost a friend, someone you cared about. I would have felt the same way too if I was in your shoes. I don't know if this help,  but please understand she didn't do it to hurt you. As my friend once told me, sometimes the illness is so loud you will do anything to make it stop. If she choose not to get help there is probably nothing you all could have done.

I pray that you all continue to find comfort during such a difficult time.