STYLETHREAD -- LET'S TALK SHOP!

fashionista L · Coach

Dating after a breakup...

small fry · Chanel

yes it does take some time, heal yourself first and than when you are ready you can date but you dont have to feel like you need to make a commitment to anyone. When you are with a person for a length of time you feel attached and somewhat lost even if it was a bad realionship. I know from past experience. Iam not sure how long it will take everyone is different. For me it was three months until I dated again. Take this time to do stuff for yourself , hobbies you enjoy, take a trip etc. Oh and if you need to have some counseling that is okay as well, dont be afraid to talk to someone it helped me although i was hesitant at first but glad after the fact.i hope this helps- hugs your way!

scarlett · Marc Jacobs

wow, fashionista, first i have to give you a big CONGRATULATIONS for breaking up with your boyfriend! good for you! and also, you were so smart to have your locks changed. thank goodness you are looking out for yourself.

also, after only a week of being single and you already have guys asking you out -- awesome! even if you are not ready that is so flattering, and nice for the ego, especially after a boyfriend who freely insulted your intelligence and appearance. it blows my mind that he is confused as to why you broke up with him.

from my own experience with breakups it will probably take you a few months until you feel ready. it does sound like you were already emotionally moving away from your ex before you broke up, so you've started the healing process. maybe the next time someone asks you out, you could say something like "i'm so flattered you asked me out, but the thing is, i just got out of a 4 year relationship and just not ready to date anyone right now." a nice guy will understand that and respect it.

i totally understand not wanting to go out and just stay home to watch desperate housewives. when you're in a relationship you put a lot of time in getting to know the person, learning everything about them, learning to trust them. you just had that trust abused, and thinking of starting that all over again is exhausting! be good to yourself and enjoy having a break. do things just for you.

p.s. i haven't read this book, but have heard good things about it: the gift of fear by gavin de becker. you may want to take a look at it. your ex is probably not going to give up easily, and it's important for you to put yourself and your own feelings first now. be careful, and also, you may want to consider not talking to him for a while. hugs your way!

Deuce · Dooney & Bourke

I did not date anyone for over a year after my ex and I broke up. I think the extended time for me was because we stayed in contact and the relationship, even though we both knew it was over, drug on for way longer than it should have. I think the best way is to break all contact at first and if you still want to be friends later. As far as how much time, as much as you need is okay. After we totally broke off contact it was at least 6 mos before I even felt like dating. But if you feel comfortable go for it. Just remember it is okay to be single, it will give you some time for yourself, and to get over all of the stupid crap the ex put you through so you dont expect it from the next guy.

Good Luck

fashionista L · Coach

Thanks for the encouragement!! I think I am going to have a problem because My ex has continued to call me every day since we have broken up, and he is convinced that we are going to get back together- No!! But I have a hard time being mean to him because I am too nice!! It sucks! I just need to get totally away from him so that I can get on with my life, I don't think he is going to make it easy on me!

small fry · Chanel

iam sorry he is making it hard for you, can you change your number- or block his number-

lynnie · Chanel

my bf and i have broken up for a few months (like 3), and i barely talked to him during that time. It took me about 2 months to consider cute guys. However, i knew if i started dating one seriously, i might freak out and relapse. Luckily, i only met weirdos (me and bf got back together)- like the boy that was scared of vegetables =) So i think it might take you a couple of months to want to start dating around (everyone is diff. though!), maybe a little rebound romance, but longer w/no contact from ex to be ready for another long-term bf. Have fun flirting- I think you'll be fine, you just need to take some time away from your ex and just have some time to heal.

blubirde · Chanel

According to Charlotte, it takes half the time you were together to be completely "over" everything.

I dated the ex for about 5 years and I was ready to date about 2 years later. Sounds like a long time but for me, the time alone was needed. I needed that long to get him out of my head and get a life of my own. Luckily there was law school involved and graduation, finding a job, starting a job, etc., etc., etc.

In retrospect it might have been too long but I just wasn't interested in boys then and I knew if I dated one, I'd just make a bigger mess of myself than I already had. I think it's important to go at your own pace and especially to recognize what that pace is. Go hard, go fast, or go easy and slow, whichever works for you.

Good luck and keep us posted!

Oh yeah, you HAVE to stop talking to the ex, nice or not. If you can't ignore him completely, just don't answer one out of every two times he calls to start. The communication will slow down and it will be at your discretion, which is always best.

gingembre1 · Kate Spade

It took me 8 months, and even then I wasn't all that sure I wanted to date...but after the first couple dates, I started to get back into the swing of things. It just takes time. Don't feel bad if you don't feel like dating! If you're not ready, it's not going to be any fun, or do you any good.