STYLETHREAD -- LET'S TALK SHOP!

ooh, that's a tough one.  with most people, i would say "stick up for yourself," but since it is a roommate who you are stuck with for a while longer (this is a dorm situation, right?) and things are mellow now, i think i might let it slide, just this time. 

is there a way that you could get childproof caps when you refill your meds? and put them somewhere safe from now on, where she can't get to them? i think maybe if you just chalk it up to learning about living with others and how they aren't as respectful of your things as you would be, and let it go this time, that might be better.  if it happens again, after you have taken precautions, then i think best to go to your RA, confidentially. 

oh--just read nc's post--i assumed that you couldn't see the labels in the photos because you said you were only 99% sure that the bottles were even yours.  if you can, then yeah, that changes it a lot. 

-- Edited by bumblebee at 19:44, 2005-09-21

That is so weird. It sounds like she did more than just take pictures with them though because of how you described them looking. Are there other problems that you want to address about your lving situation? Are you friends with this girl?

In situations like this I usually try to think about what my objective would be. What would your objective be in confronting her? To keep her from doing it again? To let her know you know? What do you think the result would be?

I'm pretty non-confrontational for the most part, though I'm not afraid to speak up if i feel that the situation requires it. In this instance I think I personally wouldn't say anything. My reason for that would be that I don't think that there would be anything to gain. I would just take this as an example of what she's capable of and take precautions with my stuff in the future. I'm not sure that saying something would keep her from doing weird stuff in the future and I think it might just make your living situation worse. At the same time, I wouldn't discourage you from saying anything, because it would be totally valid to do so. I just don't think I would.

Things are ok other than the fact that she messed with my stuff. I am not friends with her and I'm considering moving - however, all my friends are in this wing, i picked the room and she got put in it bc I didn't have anyone to go with me.

I think if I confronted her it would just make things worse. Like maddie said I wouldn't gain anything - it's a lose lose situation. Although what she did was wrong and I have every right to be totally PO'ed at her, it won't solve anything.

The prescriptions aren't anything anyone would want. She opened them up and i think they may have gotten wet and started to crumble or something, so she threw some away or whatever. What is really dumb is that she didn't put them away properly - some of the pills are in the wrong container (two bottles) and the lids were different than i usually put them. I really don't think she took them, however she did comment that she didn't feel good Monday afternoon - although I don't think it was because of the pills.

It's also a little late I think to be mentioning anything. i should have made a generic comment on Monday when I discovered something was off. I had to go to the nearest pharmacy and get new pills though to last me throughout the week till i get home (they gave them to me at no cost - very nice and unexpectable!) There was no way i was going to take them after I found all this stuff.

It's so complicated. Blah.

-- Edited by manhattanmonkey at 20:16, 2005-09-21

The simple fact is, it's a breach of trust.  If you are to continue living with her, you need to at least be able to trust that your possessions won't get messed with, especially those which you will be ingesting. 

You must gently broach this - just say you came back and your pills were missing or crumbled and did she know anything about it.  If she says she doesn't know, and you still suspect she does, you'll know she can't be trusted and be able to take appropriate steps to protect yourself and your stuff.  If she admits to it, it opens the door to a discussion of boundaries, where you can both set out boundaries about your stuff.  It's not too late to bring it up.  You can say it's been bothering you - it clearly has - for a while so you decided that you wanted to be honest and say something. 

thank you for all of your responses. I'm still pondering, but I think I'm just going to learn to be more cautious and I will approach her if things progressively get worse.

Isn't there a saying......don't want to stir the fire or something? I'm really not sure how stable she is, but I am contemplating a move within my building.

Thanks!

I would tell her everything you told us in your initial post, then say I don't mind if you borrow something for photography props, all I ask is that you ask me first and be careful with whatever it is you borrow with my promission.

you haven't done anything wrong MM, and it's only flattering if she knows you have enough interest in her to look at her on-line journal.

I'd just put it all out there and try to work with her.  If you can't find a compromise, then yes, either you or she needs to find alternate lodging.

 

-- Edited by detroit at 13:26, 2005-09-23

Thank you all. I know what she did was completely wrong and needs to be dealt with but I didn't want to add to the tension. I am mad that she broke this breech of trust and since she's basically asking for me to question it, I am.

I just don't want her to go off or like mom said, sabotage my belongings.

The other night she had the overhead light on (she has no lamps of her own; I have 3) and I asked if I could turn it off because I was going to bed. She replied that she was going to do some reading here shortly so I went to bed with the overhead light on, covers over my head and my iPod on to drown out her while she was on the phone.

I don't want there to be issues! Argh.

Thanks again!

OK,

So she never came back before I left Friday and wasn't here when I got back today, but I talked to her this evening and it went better than expected.

I told her I needed to ask her something and that I noticed something different about my prescription bottles when I got back last week but didn't think anything of it - thought it might have been me. Then I noticed the picture in the room on Friday. She said she had been meaning to tell me - kept forgetting.

She apologized, asked how much they were to replace. I told her I wasn't mad, just concerned and I would like her to ask next time.

Things worked out ok, but I was shaking and had a dry mouth when it was over with.

Thanks ladies!

manhattanmonkey wrote:

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Things worked out ok, but I was shaking and had a dry mouth when it was over with. Thanks ladies!

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Good for you!  Stuff like this is hard to deal with, but it's usually best just to talk about it.  I'm proud of you!  You sound a lot like me--you don't want to be confrontational, but you don't want to be walked all over either.  But there is a way to talk to people without being accusing and without it negatively impacting your relationship, and it sounds like you did just that!    And I promise, dealing with this kind of crap gets easier with time--it's still not fun, but it's easier.