STYLETHREAD -- LET'S TALK SHOP!

Metric · Gucci

FashionistaL, LSU, possibly Nylabelle?

kenzie · Chanel

Technically, we aren't broken up. I know, I know. We just live an hour and a half apart now, which is terrifying enough. I'm a mess right now b/c I've had to move home, I have no friends there and my relationship isn't going at all how I planned. A year ago, I thought that I would be planning a wedding right now. What a disaster.

The thoughts of dating again nauseates me and I'm convinced that all men are scum. It's just depressing along with everything else in my life. Sorry, I'm a downer.

Pepper · Kenneth Cole

I know this isn't addressed to me - but I thought I'd jump in anyway. What you are asking has gone through my mind more than a few times. The thought of getting back into the dating scene seems very scary to me. Other times I think it would be fun to date and just have fun. I've been with someone now for a little over 4 years now. For the most part - it seems scary.

lynnie · Chanel

i'm in a serious lt relationship, but honestly, i think the idea of dating sounds fun, not scary. The idea of falling in love again, trying to find mr. right in a world full of losers..etc- that is the scary part and gets people discouraged- but when you don't really think about that- the world really is your oyster and you can meet so many people because you're not hung up on being in the perfect relationship (not just bfs, but great friends.) I really think it is how you approach it. The problem is that everyone wants to be single and be in a relationship on their time, ie. ok, it'll be fun to be single for a few months, but after that, i want to have a bf again. The problem is that its never perfectly timed, so you should just enjoy both phases of your life equally. This is all ideal though, i know times when i've broken up with my bf and just wanted to be with him again, but you just have to deal with it day by day.

Dizzy · Marc Jacobs

I know this isn't addressed to me, but I think know a little bit how you feel becuase I just got divorced last year. It was really weird transitioning, but honestly, I think you'll be surprised how much energy you ahve after losing a relationship that isn't adding to your life. And as for dating, it's kind of fun, even though I'm still learning the ropes. The nice thing is that you realize there's always another guy if this one doesn't work. So you don't have to put up with anything you don't like. And if thye don't like you, oh well. Ok, it sucks to be rejected, but you do live - and it still sucks less than having some gross, inconsiderate asshole on your couch expecting you to do everything for him....

fashionista L · Coach

As of this very minute, we are still together, so I am sure I may feel different when I actually am truly single and alone, but right now, the thought is exciting, it has been so long, I am just excited to meet new people and hopefully eventually meet a new guy who is fun and treats me right. I am looking forward to it. I am changing locks on the apt. tonight. So I will def keep you all informed!!

lsubatgirl · Gucci

Oh man. Can I just tell you that I was scared to death about having to deal with dating and meeting guys and all of that. And yeah its hard to meet guys but it is also really fun. I'm having a blast so far and its only really been a week. Dating kinda scares me but I did meet this guy from work and we've been hanging out so we'll just see where that takes me - its more fun than scary at this point.

gingembre1 · Kate Spade

I know this isn't addressed to me, but I hope you don't mind me jumping in...

I was in a 4-year relationship through college, and while we did break up and get back together a couple times, he was pretty much for that whole time. When we did finally break up for good, it took me about 8 months to want to date. Unfortunately, when I finally felt ready to start looking at other guys, I didn't really know anyone, and didn't really have a way of meeting people. So, I went online. But after getting over that first date obstacle, it's been a lot easier. Dating's kind of like an adventure, and can be a lot of fun. It is hard to get started again when you've been out of the game for a long time, but I think the best thing to do is not push yourself. Take as much time as you need just being yourself and by yourself, and when you're ready to start dating again, you'll know. I think it's bad to rush back into it.

Anywho, it sounds like you're quite happy in your relationship, so don't worry about it too much! Just know that if it ever does become an issue, like anything it just takes patience, and eventually it gets to be fun again!

esquiress · Marc Jacobs

lsubatgirl wrote:

Oh man. Can I just tell you that I was scared to death about having to deal with dating and meeting guys and all of that. And yeah its hard to meet guys but it is also really fun. I'm having a blast so far and its only really been a week. Dating kinda scares me but I did meet this guy from work and we've been hanging out so we'll just see where that takes me - its more fun than scary at this point.

oooh, you go girl!! let me just be the mom for one quick sec though: be careful about dating a guy from work. and if you've made the decision to do it, try your hardest to keep it under wraps. esp. because you're at a Big 4 accounting firm (right?) those firms (one in particular that will go unnamed, pm me if you want to know) are NOTORIOUS for scandalous hook-ups and break-ups that become the subject of rampant office gossip. to a certain extent its bound to happen, i mean come on, young single people from all around the country, tons of social activities, free-flowing alcohol everywhere you turn, there's gotta be some drama associated w/ all that right? the only thing is, i'd rather have you not embroiled in the drama to too much of an extent so that you don't find yourself ducking a certain favorite mistake at the christmas party for years to come. anyway, mom lecture time's up! so tell us about this guy!

lsubatgirl · Gucci

Thanks for being a mom Esquiress

I appreciate what you wrote and yeah I've been thinking about it and all. Anyways he's a guy I met at training and we've been talking and hanging out here in Houston and this weekend in Ft. Worth. At some point Friday night in a drunken stupor I agreed to be his date for a wedding up there this weekend and that's how I ended up there and he's suppose to take me shopping of all things wherever I want that is within driving distance so its either San Antonio or San Marcos (outlet mall) at a later date. Ok so that's the quick thing on him.

blubirde · Chanel

Woohoo LSU!!!

Okay, to the subject at hand, when I broke up with the serious bf, dating other men didn't even occur to me. I was honestly, totally terrified that every guy in the world knew I was single and thought I was trying to hit on them. It took me forever to be able to interact with men without being completely embarassed. (That may sound lame but it's true.)

And then, eventually, I thought maybe it was time to date someone again. It was such a learning process! I had so many expectations and ideas before I started dating. I got each one knocked down with every new experience I had. (That's actually a good thing because I wasn't in tune with the real world.)

For quite awhile now I've found that dating is fun. I like the expectation, meeting new people, and the unknown. And all the stories I have! If I ever have grandkids, I'll be that grandmother who keeps them engrossed for hours.

Nylabelle - Please don't take this as criticism, and you know I only have your best interests at heart, but you seem depressed all the time now. I know your life situation has you down right now but do you think it could be more than that? I'm a big proponent of therapy, especially when things are pretty tough (as they are with you right now). It's just a thought and I'm only suggesting it because I hate to see you so sad all the time! I hope you feel better soon.

kenzie · Chanel

blubirde wrote:

Nylabelle - Please don't take this as criticism, and you know I only have your best interests at heart, but you seem depressed all the time now. I know your life situation has you down right now but do you think it could be more than that? I'm a big proponent of therapy, especially when things are pretty tough (as they are with you right now). It's just a thought and I'm only suggesting it because I hate to see you so sad all the time! I hope you feel better soon.

I've never had any issues with depression or anything before I have run into all of these issues. I used to be a really happy-go-lucky kind of person and pretty fun to be around. That's when I actually had hope that my life actually had purpose and I might actually be successful. I've realized that that will probably never be the case. I watch my friends moving forward in their careers and relationships and I'm stuck in a dead-end job with a guy who doesn't really treat me how he should.

But, then I think about it and I used to look down on people like me...thinking, what is wrong with that loser? Why can't they get a job that doesn't suck. I wouldn't want to date someone like me, so why should my bf? He's wildly successful (he landed a job that normally requires 10-15 years of experience and he doesn't really have any direct experience in it at all). Karma's a bitch, I guess. I used to be the one who had everything going for them--landing great internships, landing great roles in musicals, winning awards, etc. Now I'm the loser. No amount of therapy will make me feel better about my situation. The only thing that will is actually getting a job that actually has meaning and that allows me to use my (slowing dying) braincells. I refuse to pop a happy pill b/c my life sucks. I've had bad experiences previously, like horrendous break-ups, abusive bf (who I dumped promptly), I hated the first college that I went to and was miserable there for two years, but nothing like this. I have a crap job, my friends are far away and wrapped up in their fabulous jobs and relationships and they don't have time for me anymore and the kicker is that I had to move in with my mom. It's just all horribly depressing and there isn't one good thing about it.

To get back on track with the actual thread...part of the reason that I dread dating anyone new is telling them about what I do for a living, where I live, etc. It's embarassing. I don't want to meet new people b/c small talk always involves the dreaded, 'so where do you work? what do you do?' question and my answer to that has become over the past two years, "I don't talk about work." Which, obviously, puts a huge damper on the conversation, but it's worse to say what I do and have them think that I'm some uneducated boob. The problem probably boils down to the fact that growing up and all through college, I never had any problem acquiring success. And I always acquired it through hard work. Then I see people like that brat that was almost my roommate who get a job in hardly any time in a field that they have no experience in while I have experience, have been looking for several years and still can't find anything. It just boggles my mind.

Anyway, I'll probably come back and delete this, so don't quote me. Sorry for the thread hijack. Thanks, blubirde, for your concern.

Andrea Julia · Coach

Nylabelle, my feeling is that your job and where you live are not what make you you. You can take this with a grain of salt because I am single as well, but I think guys just want someone who is happy with their life. Many women I know that are married or have a serious, loving boyfriend never had a career. Some didn't even go to college. They aren't losers and their husbands don't think they are losers. And you are definitely not a loser. You are at least on the track to a career. Nobody is going to think you are a loser unless you let them. You should definitely dump the boyfriend. If he is not treating you like you are special, there is something wrong with him! Why should he care where you work? He should care about you. If he has experienced some success with his job, he should be happy to share it with you. That is what love is about-helping and sharing with each other through the good times and bad. You are obviously not some gold digger who is just after his money; you are his girlfriend who truly cares for and loves him. He should be there to be a shoulder to cry on, not someone that is making you feel worse.

You mention that you were into theater and I know you are the maker of beautiful jewelry. Put more time into those things when you come home from work. Then if you truly feel bad telling people you are a receptionist, you can play it down and play the other 2 things up like, "I am a receptionist during the day, but my true love is the theater group I am part of and making jewelry at night."

I was in the same situation as you when I took an assistant job and it took me forever to get to the next step. I hated my job and would start to get irritated when people started asking me too many questions about it because I was unhappy with it. My job now is a lot better, but I am just not a career-type person and still don't really like to answer work-type questions on a date. I prepared a sort of cover all questions answer where I say my job title and name off like 3 things I do there that sound good and then ask him a question or change the subject to something I'm more interested in. That way, I don't give the impression of not liking work, but I don't have to talk about it. If the guy persists in asking questions about my job, I start to feel suspicious. I don't want a high-profile career and I don't want to be with the type of guy who expects me to. I think it is more of a turnoff for someone you are dating to hate their job and complain about it than what they actually do for a living. For example, if a guy I was on a date with told me he washed cars for a living, but he seemed to enjoy washing cars, I wouldn't be bothered by it at all. However, if he went on and on about how it sucked, I might start thinking it sucked, too.

Living at home is not that bad! As long as you are happy in the situation, which I know you aren't, I couldn't imagine that it would bother a guy. Just make it clear that when the right opportunity comes up, you have the drive and money to move out. As you know, I live at home as well. My reasons are that I don't have enough money to comfortably live on my own, I don't have anyone close to me that can be a roommate, I don't want to live with strangers, my mother is away from Friday-Monday anyway, and I live 5 minutes from work and wouldn't be able to live in this area on my salary. I have had so many wonderful experiences that I could not have had if I was struggling to pay the high rents around here. I've been all over the world. I've gone everywhere in the area I've wanted to go. I have never once had to miss out on something I wanted to do due to not having enough money. I do pay rent (probably about the same amount as I would if I was living in a 2 bedroom with a roommate, so don't think I'm a total brat!) and I'm staying here until I either get married or a friend of mine breaks up with a boyfriend/husband and needs a roommate. I've dated guys that live at home, too. And, again, as long as they seem well-adjusted and have the desire to move out when the right thing came along, I have no problem dating them.

kenzie · Chanel

Andrea Julia wrote:

Nylabelle, my feeling is that your job and where you live are not what make you you. You can take this with a grain of salt because I am single as well, but I think guys just want someone who is happy with their life. Many women I know that are married or have a serious, loving boyfriend never had a career. Some didn't even go to college. They aren't losers and their husbands don't think they are losers. And you are definitely not a loser. You are at least on the track to a career. Nobody is going to think you are a loser unless you let them. You should definitely dump the boyfriend. If he is not treating you like you are special, there is something wrong with him! Why should he care where you work? He should care about you. If he has experienced some success with his job, he should be happy to share it with you. That is what love is about-helping and sharing with each other through the good times and bad. You are obviously not some gold digger who is just after his money; you are his girlfriend who truly cares for and loves him. He should be there to be a shoulder to cry on, not someone that is making you feel worse.

Oh, I wasn't saying that the current bf looks down on me for the job I have. He doesn't think I'm a loser or anything like that. That was just me saying, why the hell would any (new) guy want to date me b/c I'm completely unsuccessful. I wouldn't want to date someone like me b/c it appears that I don't have it together and I can't get a decent job. I don't want to date someone who can't get a decent job (not b/c of the money), but b/c to me, it says that they may be lacking in intelligence or in drive and both of those things are important to me in an SO. I just don't like that my job situation allows room for questioning of my level of intelligence, my skills and my drive to succeed (which is taking quite a beating, I might add). I've had people around here act completely surprised when I tell them I have a college education. That pisses me off. I don't want to be in a position where that can be questioned. I'm not in debt up over my eyeballs to be in a job like this and have my intelligence questioned all the time. But anyway, my bf, or whatever he is, is actually really good about the job situation and he always has been. Now, the last bf, that was a different story. He used to tell me to shut up and just get a new job. Yeah, if it was that easy, wouldn't I have done that by now?

I agree to an extent that a job doesn't make 'you you.' However, for a career-oriented person, like myself, it is a very defining factor. And to be completely unsuccessful feels like I'm getting kicked in the stomach over and over again. I've never had such a problem attaining a goal, so it makes it so frustrating. And for me, moving home has been a complete defeat. Life kicked my ass and I just couldn't make it. I never thought that would happen.

But anyway, thanks for all of your thoughts and I do see what you're saying.

lynnie · Chanel

NylaBelle wrote:

Andrea Julia wrote: Nylabelle, my feeling is that your job and where you live are not what make you you. You can take this with a grain of salt because I am single as well, but I think guys just want someone who is happy with their life. Many women I know that are married or have a serious, loving boyfriend never had a career. Some didn't even go to college. They aren't losers and their husbands don't think they are losers. And you are definitely not a loser. You are at least on the track to a career. Nobody is going to think you are a loser unless you let them. You should definitely dump the boyfriend. If he is not treating you like you are special, there is something wrong with him! Why should he care where you work? He should care about you. If he has experienced some success with his job, he should be happy to share it with you. That is what love is about-helping and sharing with each other through the good times and bad. You are obviously not some gold digger who is just after his money; you are his girlfriend who truly cares for and loves him. He should be there to be a shoulder to cry on, not someone that is making you feel worse. Oh, I wasn't saying that the current bf looks down on me for the job I have. He doesn't think I'm a loser or anything like that. That was just me saying, why the hell would any (new) guy want to date me b/c I'm completely unsuccessful. I wouldn't want to date someone like me b/c it appears that I don't have it together and I can't get a decent job. I don't want to date someone who can't get a decent job (not b/c of the money), but b/c to me, it says that they may be lacking in intelligence or in drive and both of those things are important to me in an SO. I just don't like that my job situation allows room for questioning of my level of intelligence, my skills and my drive to succeed (which is taking quite a beating, I might add). I've had people around here act completely surprised when I tell them I have a college education. That pisses me off. I don't want to be in a position where that can be questioned. I'm not in debt up over my eyeballs to be in a job like this and have my intelligence questioned all the time. But anyway, my bf, or whatever he is, is actually really good about the job situation and he always has been. Now, the last bf, that was a different story. He used to tell me to shut up and just get a new job. Yeah, if it was that easy, wouldn't I have done that by now? I agree to an extent that a job doesn't make 'you you.' However, for a career-oriented person, like myself, it is a very defining factor. And to be completely unsuccessful feels like I'm getting kicked in the stomach over and over again. I've never had such a problem attaining a goal, so it makes it so frustrating. And for me, moving home has been a complete defeat. Life kicked my ass and I just couldn't make it. I never thought that would happen. But anyway, thanks for all of your thoughts and I do see what you're saying.

Life has not kicked your ass and I really think all these experiences will make the right job feel that much better when you finally get it. Not everyone has it as easy as you think- think about all those struggling actors who are really talented but just can't get a break, as they watch Ashlee Simpson prance around on the big screen. I read an article that said Naomi Watts was just trying to scrape by for around 10 years before she got her big break, and she was best friends with Nicole Kidman (who i would think could hook her up) and in her 30's before this happened. It sucks when you know you would be good at something if given the chance, but nobody takes that chance on you. But that doesn't mean it won't happen, unless you give up. Just keep going, enriching yourself in other things- jewelry, art, theater, until you find a job that you enjoy. No one is judging your life but yourself.

kenzie · Chanel

lynnie wrote:

Life has not kicked your ass and I really think all these experiences will make the right job feel that much better when you finally get it. Not everyone has it as easy as you think- think about all those struggling actors who are really talented but just can't get a break, as they watch Ashlee Simpson prance around on the big screen. I read an article that said Naomi Watts was just trying to scrape by for around 10 years before she got her big break, and she was best friends with Nicole Kidman (who i would think could hook her up) and in her 30's before this happened. It sucks when you know you would be good at something if given the chance, but nobody takes that chance on you. But that doesn't mean it won't happen, unless you give up. Just keep going, enriching yourself in other things- jewelry, art, theater, until you find a job that you enjoy. No one is judging your life but yourself.

Eh...I feel pretty beat up right now. And I don't think that everyone has it easy. But the irony of the situation is that I started out as a musical theatre major in college and I changed my major in my fourth year to something completely different b/c I didn't want to be a struggling actor (or a struggling anything for that matter). I might as well have stuck with theatre b/c I could be doing the same thing now with that degree.

Hehe...I liked your Ashlee Simpson analogy, but at the same time, people who go into show business are fully aware of the uphill climb that they face (I was aware of that possibility and chose not to pursue it). However, I don't know anyone else who is working in my field (I'm sure they exist, but I don't know any of them) who have had such a rough time. People who I graduated with have jobs in the field, friends and acquaintances who have landed jobs with no experience, ect. Everyone I know has had an easier time in the field. Honestly, I have no interest in the field anymore and I'm looking at other possibilities, but everything I'm interested in is equally challenging to break into, if not more than the current endeavor.

Words cannot describe my intense hatred for this job. I'm either swamped with tons of mindless, awful, unchallenging work or I have nothing to do at all. I can't take it anymore. I just want to quit. I hate it so much. And then I get awful people on the phone who treat me like I'm stupid (or actually tell me I'm stupid). I'm just tired of it. Oh, and to make matters worse, I just read an article on dead-end jobs and surprise, surprise, mine was listed!!

*Sorry, major thread hijack going on*

-- Edited by NylaBelle at 11:45, 2005-09-20

Andrea Julia · Coach

NylaBelle wrote:

That was just me saying, why the hell would any (new) guy want to date me b/c I'm completely unsuccessful.

Hmm...because you are caring and fun to be around and once he talks to you, he will realize that you are intelligent and that you are successful at other things and that with your drive, you will one day (hopefully soon!) be successful in your career. Again, I would be wary of anyone who wouldn't date you for the reason that you currently have a sucky job. You are trying to find a better job, you are keeping a full time job in the meantime and not just being lazy and laying on the couch watching soaps all day, you write for this website, and you make jewelry. What else can you do? I just do not think that anyone is going to consider you unsuccessful. Just accentuate the positive things if you feel uncomfortable about your current position.

I wouldn't want to date someone like me b/c it appears that I don't have it together and I can't get a decent job. I don't want to date someone who can't get a decent job (not b/c of the money), but b/c to me, it says that they may be lacking in intelligence or in drive and both of those things are important to me in an SO.

I don't get "lacking in intelligence" or "lacking in drive" from you at all. Again, if a guy were to have a conversation with you, it would be clear that you are intelligent and have drive. In fact, I would still consider myself as having intelligence and drive even though I live at home and have a position that is just one step over the assistant level. I go for what I want and get it, I do a great job at work, I graduated cum laude while working almost full time, etc. I do get that you are career-oriented and I'm not which makes our measures of success completely different and I probably can't completely understand what you are going through. I just don't see you as unsuccessful in life; just unsuccessful in your career.

I just don't like that my job situation allows room for questioning of my level of intelligence, my skills and my drive to succeed (which is taking quite a beating, I might add). I've had people around here act completely surprised when I tell them I have a college education. That pisses me off. I don't want to be in a position where that can be questioned. I'm not in debt up over my eyeballs to be in a job like this and have my intelligence questioned all the time.

I know this is the third time I have said this, but once someone talks to you, they will see how intelligent you are.

I agree to an extent that a job doesn't make 'you you.' However, for a career-oriented person, like myself, it is a very defining factor. And to be completely unsuccessful feels like I'm getting kicked in the stomach over and over again. I've never had such a problem attaining a goal, so it makes it so frustrating.

I see what you mean. This is how I feel about dating. My coping strategy is just to focus on other things I want to accomplish, but as you know, I still have a huge freak-out about it once a month. It's a horrible feeling when things are out of your control; you feel like you are doing everything you can to work towards what you want, but it isn't working. Meanwhile, it seems like everyone else is getting exactly what you want (especially younger people and people who aren't nice people at all) while you get further and further away from getting it.

And for me, moving home has been a complete defeat. Life kicked my ass and I just couldn't make it. I never thought that would happen. But anyway, thanks for all of your thoughts and I do see what you're saying.

Well, you are going to come back and kick its ass! It's going to happen! I am positive of it!

kenzie · Chanel

Andrea Julia wrote:

Again, I would be wary of anyone who wouldn't date you for the reason that you currently have a sucky job. You are trying to find a better job, you are keeping a full time job in the meantime and not just being lazy and laying on the couch watching soaps all day, you write for this website, and you make jewelry. What else can you do? I just do not think that anyone is going to consider you unsuccessful.

I consider me unsuccessful. That's the problem. I have ridiculous standards for myself (although, I don't necessarily hold other people to the same).

I don't get "lacking in intelligence" or "lacking in drive" from you at all. Again, if a guy were to have a conversation with you, it would be clear that you are intelligent and have drive. In fact, I would still consider myself as having intelligence and drive even though I live at home and have a position that is just one step over the assistant level. I go for what I want and get it, I do a great job at work, I graduated cum laude while working almost full time, etc. I do get that you are career-oriented and I'm not which makes our measures of success completely different and I probably can't completely understand what you are going through. I just don't see you as unsuccessful in life; just unsuccessful in your career.

And that's the problem. That's a huge part of life and I spend alot of my time at work (doesn't everyone?). It needs to be important, it needs to be creative, it needs to make a difference. That's just the way I'm wired.

I know this is the third time I have said this, but once someone talks to you, they will see how intelligent you are.

I don't want them to have to talk to me to figure that out. The job and title that I have don't indicate that I may actually have a brain. I'm a step below an assistant. I'm the absolute bottom rung on the food chain here and it sucks. There are people younger than me here who tell me what to do and hold better positions than me. I hate it.

I see what you mean. This is how I feel about dating. My coping strategy is just to focus on other things I want to accomplish, but as you know, I still have a huge freak-out about it once a month. It's a horrible feeling when things are out of your control; you feel like you are doing everything you can to work towards what you want, but it isn't working. Meanwhile, it seems like everyone else is getting exactly what you want (especially younger people and people who aren't nice people at all) while you get further and further away from getting it.

Yep, yep...I have a freak-out a few times a week. It's getting to be almost daily at this point. My work is so mundane, sometimes I really feel like I'm going to crawl out of my own skin from boredom and tedium. I'm not the kind of person who handles tedius and mundane tasks all that well. Especially, when that's all I do. I can do it if it's mixed in with more challenging work, but when it's all tedium, all the time...that makes me crazy.

Well, you are going to come back and kick its ass! It's going to happen! I am positive of it!

Aw, thanks. I hope that you're right. Everyday makes me lose more hope.

Dizzy · Marc Jacobs

Do you think it might be a problem that you think people who arent' successful in their jobs are "losers..." Because I've noticed, in my own life, that when I can't be charitable to others, then it's hard to be be as nice to yourself as you deserve. Look, I've known people who were so far down you would think they'd be embarrassed to even apply for a job with another newspaper - and they came back, were successful, and remembered the people who judged them while they were down, btw. Life is a series of ups and downs. That's just the way it is. And the downs aren't necessarily a bad thing. For you or for anyone. Besides, as a couple people pointed out, you ARE successful in some important ways: I am amazed by your feel for color; you make beautiful jewelry; you are in touch with yourself emotionally and a support for your mother. These are all hard things to do.

Also, I think the reason people keep bringing up depression is because, 1) as you've said, you've had some very hard circumstances for a very long time. Anyone would eventually get pretty down about it. and 2) you have a tendency to take a couple of negative circumstances, job and boyfriend, and apply them to your entire life as in "my life just sucks right now..." That's a normal reaction. But when it persists for a while, it's depressed thinking and sometimes it just takes a jolt to get out of that mindset.

PS - you've been describing your boyfriend as mega-successful, but it sounds like he can't handle his life at all. He's just successful in ONE thing. And that success might not last, anyway...

PS II - why do you think being asked to perform receptionist skills label you as "lackign in intelligence?" One of the smartest women I've known was in housekeeping. SHe had a life that worked for her. And she did her job well. She wasnt' LESS SMART she just had a skill set that was LESS VALUED in CERTAIN CIRCLES - which are not the whole world, btw. Most of the most successful (in the outside world's terms) people that I've known were incredibly nice and respectful to EVERYONE in ANY position.

-- Edited by Dizzy at 12:32, 2005-09-20

kenzie · Chanel

Dizzy wrote:

Do you think it might be a problem that you think people who arent' successful in their jobs are "losers..." Because I've noticed, in my own life, that when I can't be charitable to others, then it's hard to be be as nice to yourself as you deserve.

Actually, I don't view other people this way. As I said before, this is my standard for myself. I've never, ever been accused of being unkind, uncharitable or looking down on other people (and I'm kind of offended that you have said that--I may have taken it the wrong way. If so, I'm sorry). But I'm not the kind of person who looks down on other people at all. Who am I to judge someone else's life? I'm not that type of person. Everyone is different and these are my standards for myself. I think that I'm a loser, but that doesn't mean that I think other people are.

Besides, as a couple people pointed out, you ARE successful in some important ways: I am amazed by your feel for color; you make beautiful jewelry; you are in touch with yourself emotionally and a support for your mother. These are all hard things to do. Also, I think the reason people keep bringing up depression is because, 1) as you've said, you've had some very hard circumstances for a very long time. Anyone would eventually get pretty down about it. and 2) you have a tendency to take a couple of negative circumstances, job and boyfriend, and apply them to your entire life as in "my life just sucks right now..." That's a normal reaction. But when it persists for a while, it's depressed thinking and sometimes it just takes a jolt to get out of that mindset.

There are several aspects of my life that are going all wrong, despite my best efforts: job, relationship, friends, living situation...that's pretty much all of life, right? I don't care that I'm good with color if I don't have a good network of friends to share it with. I'm a very relationship oriented person (comes from the fact that I care deeply, sometimes too deeply, about the welfare of others). I honestly, don't have too many positive things going on right now. It seems like everything is going wrong at once. A pill is not going to make it go away.

PS - you've been describing your boyfriend as mega-successful, but it sounds like he can't handle his life at all. He's just successful in ONE thing. And that success might not last, anyway...

This is a valid argument, however....I'm not sure that I agree 100%, but I'm not going to get into that at this point.

PS II - why do you think being asked to perform receptionist skills label you as "lackign in intelligence?" One of the smartest women I've known was in housekeeping. SHe had a life that worked for her. And she did her job well. She wasnt' LESS SMART she just had a skill set that was LESS VALUED in CERTAIN CIRCLES - which are not the whole world, btw. Most of the most successful (in the outside world's terms) people that I've known were incredibly nice and respectful to EVERYONE in ANY position.

Um, b/c it doesn't take any brain power at all to do them. It's not a job that requires a college degree, so my degree is wasted. It's not hard to pick up a phone and transfer the call. It's not hard to enter numbers into a database. It's not hard to copy and paste letters. These do not required a high level of intelligence. My 'skill set' is much greater than answering phones and data entry. Obviously, intelligent people work in all kinds of jobs and situations. However, most receptionists that I've known haven't been to college. It's not a job that is associate with high levels of cognitive skills.

And of course, I would be nice to people no matter what kind of position they've held, but the favor hasn't always been returned to me. I'm treated like I'm stupid on a daily basis. I've been called stupid, more than once. So, I think I'm pretty justified in my statements about my position.

-- Edited by NylaBelle at 12:59, 2005-09-20