STYLETHREAD -- LET'S TALK SHOP!

Mandy · Kate Spade

squabble with friend

NCshopper · Hermes

I definitely see your side of the story on this, but you also need to think about where your friend is coming from on this.

Moving is one of the top five stressors in a person's life, right up next to Death, Divorce, and Serious illnesses. It puts a person into "Crisis Mode." And I know that when I'm in the process of moving, I'm stressed out and don't act like my normal self. Add financial concerns on top of that, and you have someone that is not a happy camper. Moving can be EXPENSIVE too, so she's probably feeling a little under the gun.

If you want to hang out with her before she leaves, see if you can kill two birds with one stone by offering to help her. Get some beer and a pizza and help her box her stuff up. She'll appreciate it a ton, and you'll get to hang out with her.

I hope this helps. Just try to patch this up with your friend before she moves. It's a lot more difficult to patch things up via phone/e-mail than it is to make amends in person.

JoceyBaby23 · Gucci

I agree with NC. You should def offer to help her. I dont blame her for being busy.. She is prob going nuts right now and is understandably not interested in going out on the town and spending money on a last hur-ahh, money that she doesnt really have! Try to be sympathetic and just help her in any way you can right now.

sfcaligirl · Dooney & Bourke

NCshopper wrote:

I definitely see your side of the story on this, but you also need to think about where your friend is coming from on this. Moving is one of the top five stressors in a person's life, right up next to Death, Divorce, and Serious illnesses. It puts a person into "Crisis Mode." And I know that when I'm in the process of moving, I'm stressed out and don't act like my normal self. Add financial concerns on top of that, and you have someone that is not a happy camper. Moving can be EXPENSIVE too, so she's probably feeling a little under the gun. If you want to hang out with her before she leaves, see if you can kill two birds with one stone by offering to help her. Get some beer and a pizza and help her box her stuff up. She'll appreciate it a ton, and you'll get to hang out with her. I hope this helps. Just try to patch this up with your friend before she moves. It's a lot more difficult to patch things up via phone/e-mail than it is to make amends in person.

i totally agree with everything ncshopper said. great advice!

blubirde · Chanel

Ah! I hate when friends move away. It sucks all around. Especially if it's a good friend and you kind of feel like they're not just leaving the city, they're leaving you too. So why aren't you a priority to her also? I completely understand that feeling.

That said, I completely understand being so stressed out while moving that everything else just seems to get in the way. It's a tough situation but it's probably easier for you to give than it is for her to. (Not because she doesn't want to, of course, but because she's so stressed out that it probably seems impossible right now to do all the things she wants to do.)

Don't worry - it'll be okay. You can go visit her in Hotlanta and she can come back to see you. (((hugs)))

splash · Kenneth Cole

Oh that's no fun! It's so disappointing when a time period ends badly. However, I think it's understandable that she's so stressed - that's what I'd attribute this to. I know that when I'm about to move, I get very stressed, and that can manifest itself in lots of ways. The advice to help her pack or something is great - she'll really appreciate it, and who knows, maybe after you'll have time to hang out for a little. Trying to get from Atlanta to Maine in 2 days seems almost unsafe to me - that's quite the drive, even if they're each driving partway. It seems reasonable that she's decided to leave earlier. But I don't mean to say that you shouldn't feel hurt - it sounds like she could have done a better job of planning goodbye time, but at this point it's best to help her out where you can and look forward to future visits rather than focusing on how she's acting now

Mandy · Kate Spade

Thanks girls! That did help me get some perspective that I needed. I was thinking that if it were me, I would want to spend my last couple of days with friends and family. I guess I didn't think enough about the stress of moving and everything.

So, I was ready to apologize until she sent me a nasty email. This has taken a really ugly turn. I know she is stressed but she just went off-not only about move issues but she attacked my lifestyle. I'm so upset right now. I'm definitly going to wait until I cool off before I respond. I don't have anything mean to say about her personally, I can't believe she would say things like that about me. wtf?

splash · Kenneth Cole

Oh no!! I'm so sorry to hear that! I hope everything works out after she's made the transition

NCshopper · Hermes

Mandy wrote:

So, I was ready to apologize until she sent me a nasty email. This has taken a really ugly turn. I know she is stressed but she just went off-not only about move issues but she attacked my lifestyle. I'm so upset right now. I'm definitly going to wait until I cool off before I respond. I don't have anything mean to say about her personally, I can't believe she would say things like that about me. wtf?

Oh no!!! That sucks!

Once you cool off, why don't you give her a call and be like "Listen. I was about to call you to apologize when I got your e-mail. My feelings are really hurt, but I understand I might have offended you as well. I should have offered to help sooner, and I'm sorry that I didn't. Is there anything I can do to help you now?" Or something along those lines. Basically, explain your POV to her and offer to help and she'll probably apologize about the e-mail.

I think most importantly is to offer her some help and a listening ear. She's probably stressed about moving, but is there anything else that's bothering her? Does she not want to move? Is she nervous about it? Since she's starting grad school, she might just be worried, anxious, etc.

If she is a really good friend (and it sounds like she has been) let her know you value her friendship, that you're going to miss her a lot, and that you want to patch things up with her before she leaves.

Let us know how things go!

atlgirl · Gucci

NCS, you should be in mediation or something. You are a born peacemaker! I think your advice throughout this thread is right on the money.

Mandy, I'm sorry she sent you that e-mail and hope you two can get back on good footing very soon!

NCshopper · Hermes

atlgirl wrote:

NCS, you should be in mediation or something. You are a born peacemaker! I think your advice throughout this thread is right on the money. Mandy, I'm sorry she sent you that e-mail and hope you two can get back on good footing very soon!

Thanks, atlgirl!