STYLETHREAD -- LET'S TALK SHOP!

XtinaStyles · Marc Jacobs

Emotional e-Shopping Habits

Elle · Hermes

I have a big reply to this, but unfortunately I'm running out the door right now. Promise I'll be back with it later!

Boots · Gucci

I think a lot of people do this. I know I've been guilty of it and probably will be guilty of it in the future. When my job gets really stressful during tax season, I've spent more than one lunch trolling websites looking at things. And it does make me feel a little better. But the important part is that you are able to step back and not buy "things" just because you want to buy something. Filling up a cart with imaginary pruchases doesn't really hurt anyone and I think it's a good way to get the urge out of the way. Actually buying filled up cart after cart is not good.

Shopping should be fun and fun is an emotional response. When it becomes a constant crutch that stops you from dealing with other issues is when you should be worried. It doesn't really sound like that is your situation though.

gossipgirl · Dooney & Bourke

OMG, if you come up with an answer to how to stop this, can you let me know?!!

Hermes

XtinaStyles wrote:

I tend to use shopping for emotional purposes - If I want to reward myself I shop, if I'm stressed, I shop, if I I'm upset I shop... etc. I get into this zone-like state where I just need to window shop or try stuff on, or even worse, with the internet, I troll websites looking for what I want, reading reviews, bookmarking things, then searching ebay for better prices. I feel like I'm never satisfied and always looking for a fall purse, or new cushions for my couch, comfy boots, etc. It also doesn't help that I'm lured into each amazing discount code or sample sale of the week.

I must've spent at least 10 hours this week alone loading up shopping carts, feeling adrenaline of it all, then stepping back thinking this is just STUFF I do not need it! I'm feeling so materialistic and shallow! I know people tend to desire "stuff" as an animal instinct to hoard (sort of like building a nest) but this is getting redic.

Can anyone relate? What do you do to cut the shopping craving and get back down to Earth and remember what is important?

I'm totally picking up what you're putting down. I have many times put things in my cart and walked away over the past couple of years. I don't care if I have the "it" item anymore, and the things that I do buy, I buy because I like them and I got a good deal. I spent $25 on trendy jeggings because I thought they would be really practical and comfy, not because they were on-trend.

It is just stuff. However I do enjoy "decorating" myself with clothes and jewelry. It really doesn't have a lot to do with anything other than my pleasure anymore. I could give a rats ass if Uggs are "in" or not. I'm going to wear them because I like them for their warmth and comfort regardless of what anyone thinks.

You can't take the stuff with you in the end. I do have much more of a big-picture focus and more desire to perceive happiness outside of the material. It's also a realization my shopping habits had a lot to do with boosting my self esteem, and the clouded vision that an object would make me happier.

Kelly · Hermes

I think when I do this, it's a couple things. I want to treat myself to cheer myself up, for sure. But more than that, it's just a nice distraction. When I'm super stressed and everything else in the world is pissing me off, sometimes spending a while trolling for "THE perfect boots" is what I end up doing. And a lot of times I don't find them, because they don't exist. I think I just need to give myself a goal, and a simple task, to distract myself and let myself zone out for a while.

One thing I do to keep myself from actually buying the thing is to bookmark it. Then the thing I bookmarked is saved if I actually DO want to come back and buy it after thinking for a few days, and in the moment it gives me the satisfaction of having "completed my task." Saving it as a bookmark is a nice substitute for actually pressing "Buy." And 95% of the time, I don't end up buying whatever it is. If I still want to treat myself, I'll get something small like a candy bar or rent a movie.

The stuff that really gets me into trouble is ETSY. Because even if I bookmark it, a lot of the time the stuff on etsy is one-of-a-kind and I know that if I wait a couple days, I might totally lose out on it. And then I feel like I CAN'T just wait on it and I need to buy it NOW before anyone else gets it.

-- Edited by Kelly on Friday 3rd of September 2010 05:38:10 PM

itsapinkthing · Coach

XtinaStyles wrote:

Can anyone relate? What do you do to cut the shopping craving and get back down to Earth and remember what is important?

Relate?! Oh hell ya!

What do I do about cutting the habit, set a budget, make a list. Every new season I make a list of the most expensive things I think I'll want/need (i.e. dressy coat, new tall boots, etc.) Then I always add the "new" wants to the list, and refer to it to prioritize any purchases. This has helped me with more impulsive purchases. But I do allow "wiggle room", like if I see a cute inexpensive top I like I can still get it.

As for focusing on whats important, the biggest thing is pay attention. I often get wrapped up in my selfish desires and forget to appreciate what I do have, so sometimes I just have to be still and take it in. Like sit and cuddle my kids, look around and admire things I like about my home. Go to a favorite room and just be happy about that room. Also lately going to the gym and focusing my energy there has helped not choose to shop as entertainment.

Elle · Hermes

This is the downside of having shopping as a hobby - a fun activity unto itself, rather than means to an end. I just read an article that talked about how for some people, the act of shopping for an finding an item feels similarly to the brain as tackling and completing a work task - satisfying, with a sense of accomplishment. I know I find the sorting through of items online or on a rack at a store therapeutic ... maybe it's jut the methodical nature of it, like a relaxing little massage for your brain!

Anyway, if you're uncomfortable that shopping has become a habit as opposed to something you engage in conciously, then work on realigning your time to be in touch with your priorities. I have alot of blogs on my GoogleReader that I turn to when I need to veg for a few minutes, and many of them have to do with frugality, reusing your closet items, evaluating how much 'stuff' we really need, getting organized, etc. It replaces what would have been online shopping time, and it renews my conviction to have/buy/shop for less 'stuff'. If you're at home and the urge to shop strikes, you could also try playing around with your current stuff - reorganizing it, trying on items you haven't worn in awhile, pulling items you no longer want and donate them, taking inventory of what you have and determining if there are any actual holes.

Another strategy is to give yourself a budget for whatever category you're uncomfortable with your desire to accumulate - clothing/kitchen gadgets/shoes/housewares - and see how you feel when you allow yourself to randomly shop only within that budget. In a similar vein, you can alot a small budget for 'inexpensive' purchases, and have a budget amount that you save each month for one high-quality, more expensive item. That way you're improving the quality of your things, but not increasing the number of items so quickly. You can direct any recreational browsing toward your current 'goal' item, and when you've saved enough to purchase it do it without feeling guilty! As long as you're responsible about it, shopping is no worse a hobby than anything else, it just receives alot more negative press!

Another tactic is to walk away from a full (online) cart that you're seriously considering purchasing. Note the amount, and either write it down or transfer that amount from your checking account into savings. At the end of a month, see how much you would have spent on 'stuff', and consider how many other things you could do with that money.

The key to breaking old habits is replacing them with new, healthier ones, and to keep convincing yourself that it's a good idea to break the habit so you can stay motivated.

Suasoria · Chanel

D wrote:

I have many times put things in my cart and walked away over the past couple of years.

I also do this a lot. I can spend an hour or more on a website - especially going through the random sale stuff - put a bunch of stuff in a cart, and then just close the browser window and say buh-bye. It's relaxing, burns off stress, and satisfies a shopping jones without spending any money.

Since my goal is retiring early, every penny I spend on something non-essential is like seeing that goal slip further away. So a good thing to keep in mind might be "what would I do with this money if I didn't spend it right now?" Would you put it toward a vacation, tuition, down payment on a house, Lasik...

When I see things I like/want, I save them to Polyvore. I'll go back and look at them after a few weeks and see if it's still available. Of the last 20-30 things I've saved to Polyvore and not purchased, I only regret about 2 or 3 items.

Also I'll browse eBay, Shopgoodwill, or the vintage stuff on Etsy because although it's still STUFF it's secondhand stuff and therefore more environmentally conscious and more in line with my values.

It helps that I don't usually like shopping in regular B&M stores, and I'm too busy to shop during the week when places aren't crowded.

wetbandit42 · Marc Jacobs

XtinaStyles wrote:

I tend to use shopping for emotional purposes - If I want to reward myself I shop, if I'm stressed, I shop, if I I'm upset I shop... etc. I get into this zone-like state where I just need to window shop or try stuff on, or even worse, with the internet, I troll websites looking for what I want, reading reviews, bookmarking things, then searching ebay for better prices. I feel like I'm never satisfied and always looking for a fall purse, or new cushions for my couch, comfy boots, etc. It also doesn't help that I'm lured into each amazing discount code or sample sale of the week.

I must've spent at least 10 hours this week alone loading up shopping carts, feeling adrenaline of it all, then stepping back thinking this is just STUFF I do not need it! I'm feeling so materialistic and shallow! I know people tend to desire "stuff" as an animal instinct to hoard (sort of like building a nest) but this is getting redic.

Can anyone relate? What do you do to cut the shopping craving and get back down to Earth and remember what is important?

Oh God, this is so me. I know I'm addicted to shopping. I've gotten much better lately, though. I find that not browsing websites helps. I also have started making lists of things to buy - things I see on the internet, or in magazines. That way I know I won't forget the item, and will be able to buy it when I actually need it.

I've tried setting budgets to no avail... I don't know if they're not realistic enough, or what. I also recently switched antidepressants and I find that I've been less preoccupied with shopping. I'm not sure if that's had an effect on my shopping, but I feel like it has. I still buy too much, but I've really cut down on my spending, although it's still a daily battle.

I bought this book, too, but I erm... haven't gotten around to reading it.

I also should say that I've been making a conscious effort to save money on the things I do buy - I've started buying a lot of books and movies used, I joined paperbackswap and swapadvd, and I've been using the library & redbox a lot more. I also started couponing & checking weekly ads to see where I can get the most bang for my buck. It doesn't actually help me to stop shopping, but I spend a lot less in those categories.

-- Edited by wetbandit42 on Sunday 5th of September 2010 12:34:04 PM

wicked · Coach

I used to spend about $100 a week on clothes and looking back I just feel sick at all the things I had and didn't need. It was total excess and I was totally using shopping as a form of therapy. Over time my priorities just changed and i got tired of buying, buying, buying and purging, purging, purging.

This year i've spent about $200 total. Now I much rather spend my money on experiences, like really good food or travel and I relish the challenge of not buying and keeping things simple. Lately i've been reading blogs about minimalism and organization. I also use a bookmarking site and bookmark with abandon, just for fun.

pollyjean23 · Marc Jacobs

Pair all of these feelings with an uncanny ability to memorize one's credit card number....trouble!

bloomie · Marc Jacobs

The thing that helps me is to not look at shopping blogs. I find that if I see a blogger who gets something new, I think I have to have it. I have no idea why. I managed for a month to pretty much stay off of shopping blogs and it really helped.

Aurora · Marc Jacobs

I have this problem and honestly I don't know how to fix it. I have brought it up in my regular therapy sessions and my counselor has me doing a task of keeping a journal of each time I shop or feel like shopping to stop and write down my feelings at that moment. What is going on and how am I feeling. We are going to use this to see if we can find a pattern so I can learn to redirect my impulses and feelings to another outlet. You might find that helpful too.