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gypsyfreak


Coach

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Went to see the ex today...
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I know some of you girls thought it best not to go see him in person, but I felt that we'd never really finished our conversation from two weeks ago. Plus, I needed to return his stuff and he needed to return mine.


I don't regret going to see him, even though I broke down and cried right in front of him.


He basically told me that he feels nothing for me anymore and no longer wants to date me. He also says that he's seeing someone new, a co-worker. He's been dating that co-worker for the past month or so, a time when I thought we were still together. He also cheated on me by having sex with that person when we were still together. He claimed that this other person didn't know about me at the time, but I think later, she was the one who encouraged him to break up with me. He appears to already be committed to this new woman and says that he is more happier with her than with me.


I'm no longer upset with him. It just makes me sad because he made a commitment to me and he threw it away so easily after 3.5 years. He barely knows this woman and already he has committed to be with her. I guess he was never really committed to me after all.


He says he just wants us to be friends, not enemies. He also says that he just wants to date her for awhile and see how it goes, implying that there may be a possibility that he'll come back to me when he gets tired of her.


I no longer want to be with him, nor do I want him in my life. I think that's the best thing for me. I'm just very disappointed that I was such a poor judge of character. In my mind, I had built him up, thought that he was a better person than he actually was.


Sorry for the vent.


 



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rocky


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I am glad you are no longer with him. I am sure everyone gets their judgement clouded when in relationships, you are not a bad judge of character. I hope that your conversation gave you some sort of closure. I also doubt that he will remain "committed" to his new flame for that long. Anyhow, try to stay positive and I am sending happy thoughts your way.

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gypsyfreak


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rocky wrote:

I am glad you are no longer with him. I am sure everyone gets their judgement clouded when in relationships, you are not a bad judge of character. I hope that your conversation gave you some sort of closure. I also doubt that he will remain "committed" to his new flame for that long. Anyhow, try to stay positive and I am sending happy thoughts your way.

Thank you for your kind words. I think I got the closure I finally needed so that I can move on with my life. I just never realized that it would hurt so much. But I think I'll be okay as long as I keep busy.


Somehow I don't think he'll be committed to the new woman either. 



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beachgirl


Kenneth Cole

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What a loser!  There's no way that relationship will last, and there's no way he would have been with you for that long if he didn't care about you and wasn't happy.  That was just a mean, abusive thing to say, and NOT TRUE.  Just realize that those are abusive words not true words.


He is a cheater, a liar, and just a bad person.  You can not be committed to someone you're having an affair with, that is just not possible.


And I would tell him that if he didn't want to be enemies, he should have thought about that and been a man in the first place, instead of being a loser, cowardly cheater.  It is not his decision to be your friend or not.  I would tell him to take his friendship and shove it up his verbally abusive, well, you get the picture!


You are an awesome person, take care of yourself and feel free to vent.



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Collette


Chanel

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That must have been really difficult for you to hear. I really don't know what else to say. The hurt will fade as will the anger. You'll come out the other end stronger and more beautiful then ever. Where as he will be nothing but alone and still looking for the "something better". Good luck on whatever happens next for you.

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I'm thinking balls are to men what purses are to women. It's just a little bag, but we feel naked in public without it. Carrie Bradshaw
janey831


Kate Spade

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good grief. what a piece of work. you are so much better than that (im sure you know this though).  i could go on forever on my lack of faith in the opposite sex, i still believe in love, but i feel like ive gotten more jaded, i guess that happens when you get your heart  broken.  p.s. of course he hasnt ruled you out, guys always want to know that their options are still open. what a loser. good riddance!

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gypsyfreak


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beachgirl wrote:

What a loser!  There's no way that relationship will last, and there's no way he would have been with you for that long if he didn't care about you and wasn't happy.  That was just a mean, abusive thing to say, and NOT TRUE.  Just realize that those are abusive words not true words. He is a cheater, a liar, and just a bad person.  You can not be committed to someone you're having an affair with, that is just not possible. And I would tell him that if he didn't want to be enemies, he should have thought about that and been a man in the first place, instead of being a loser, cowardly cheater.  It is not his decision to be your friend or not.  I would tell him to take his friendship and shove it up his verbally abusive, well, you get the picture! You are an awesome person, take care of yourself and feel free to vent.

beachgirl- I agree that he is a loser. It took me so long to realize it and I'm glad that I'm not with him anymore. I don't think the new relationship will last either, but he seems pretty committed to the new girl, so I may be wrong.


I could tell when I went to go see him that he didn't really want me there. He was pretty much waiting for me to leave and would never really look at me. I told him that he was selfish, cowardly, a loser, etc. All he could say was: you're right, I agree with you, I would feel the same way too. He even had the audacity to tell me that he was afraid to reveal all this stuff before because he was afraid I'd go hurt myself.


 



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gypsyfreak


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Collette wrote:

That must have been really difficult for you to hear. I really don't know what else to say. The hurt will fade as will the anger. You'll come out the other end stronger and more beautiful then ever. Where as he will be nothing but alone and still looking for the "something better". Good luck on whatever happens next for you.

Collette-It was very difficult to hear, but I asked for it. I'm glad I got the truth from him. I'm not even angry or hurt over it anymore. I'm kind of glad it's over because it was a doomed relationship, but at the same time I feel sad that he let it end the way he did.


janey831- Yeah, I think he wanted to keep his options open with me. I think he kind of wanted to be friends so that I'll still be there if he ever changes his mind. But that isn't likely to happen.



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kenzie


Chanel

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Good for you for realizing that you are better off without this guy.  I wouldn't even give him the option of being friends with you and 'keeping his options open.' He lost you and that's that.  Even if he were to realize that he made a mistake, it should be too late for him.  Move on to better things that will surely come your way!

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NCshopper


Hermes

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gypsyfreak wrote:

He also says that he just wants to date her for awhile and see how it goes, implying that there may be a possibility that he'll come back to me when he gets tired of her.

Awww gypsyfreak, that whole situation sounds horrible!  What a terrible way to end a 3.5 year relationship!  At least you got some final answers instead of having it over without a conclusion.  Closure is an important thing.


I think its pretty crappy of him to assume that you'd be willing to take him back when he "gets tired of her."  I hope that you don't wait around for him, because it doesn't sound like he's worth your time.



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jess


Kenneth Cole

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First of all, I think you sound incredibly strong right now.  He obviously doesnt deserve someone like you, and though the thought of it may hurt right now- you will be better off in the end.  Thats ludicrous to think that his new relationship will last, and she must be out of her mind to take him seriously.  Does she not know that after time with her his behavior will probably just repeat itself with someone new?  Girls like that are in denial!  Im sorry you had to deal with this, but its better to be out of that type of relationship anyway.  Dont give him the best of you, you seem too smart to deal with someone like that.  :) 



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sfcaligirl


Dooney & Bourke

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jess wrote:

First of all, I think you sound incredibly strong right now.  He obviously doesnt deserve someone like you, and though the thought of it may hurt right now- you will be better off in the end.  Thats ludicrous to think that his new relationship will last, and she must be out of her mind to take him seriously.  Does she not know that after time with her his behavior will probably just repeat itself with someone new?  Girls like that are in denial!  Im sorry you had to deal with this, but its better to be out of that type of relationship anyway.  Dont give him the best of you, you seem too smart to deal with someone like that.  :) 
i totally agree with this!  he sounds awful and abusive and you're so much better off without him...

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fashionista L


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I'm so sorry!! What an awful sitch!! It makes mine look like nothing. How are you feeling after two weeks? I have never broken up with anyone before. My boyfriend and I have been togtether three and a half years too.

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gypsyfreak


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fashionista L wrote:

I'm so sorry!! What an awful sitch!! It makes mine look like nothing. How are you feeling after two weeks? I have never broken up with anyone before. My boyfriend and I have been togtether three and a half years too.

This was my first serious relationship, so it's been much more difficult than I thought. Him wanting to break up was a shock, but learning that he's also cheated on me as well has been a big blow to my ego. I feel emotional and fragile right now, been experiencing some crying bouts off and on. I just can't help feeling responsible and guilty for the break-up, that somehow it was me that pushed him away and caused all this to happen in the first place. Silly me I know.


I'm so sorry you have to go through with this too. Men can be such sh*theads.



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jacL


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Wow, you are so strong.  I really admire you!

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rosie_the_riveter


Gucci

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Please don't blame yourself for his horrible actions. This is in no way your fault. He's a grown man with a mind of his own and if he no longer wanted to be with you then he should have been up front about it instead of going behind your back with this other girl. 


I'm so sorry you're going through this but please stay strong. We're here to listen.



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