STYLETHREAD -- LET'S TALK SHOP!

Rica · Kenneth Cole

Soulmates

JoceyBaby23 · Gucci

My husband is mine for sure.

I believe that you may have several soulmates out there in the world and some are lucky enough to find theirs and others are not.

jacL · Coach

Nope. I think that to believe in soulmates doesn't give you much of a choice in life. I think being happy with someone involves more than just fate--what about luck, timing, circumstances? For example, as much as I love my BF right now, I know if I had met him six months later that we probably never would have even associated with one another.

I believe this soulmate stuff is all crap, but I do like to hear others' viewpoints, mostly their reasoning.

member · Hermes

I never really, truly believed in soulmates until I met my boyfriend. Sorry if that sounds cheesy, but it's so true. We both feel like we were seriously made for eachother - like we were put on this earth to be w/one another. I hope I don't sound gushy, but we are so alike, it's almost sickening, and our differences really balance eachother out. I just knew from the minute I met him, and he says the same about me, that I was done looking - I found my soulmate. I just knew the instant I met him, he was my fate. Do I sound corny?!

blubirde · Chanel

Nope. No soulmate stuff from me. I agree with JacL. I think there are people who are (to quote Anne of Green Gables) "kindred spirits." To me that's someone who understands you on a fundamental level and just "gets" you and would always understand whatever it is you're trying to do/say/experience/etc. I have one kindred (my best friend Brandi) and a handful of friends that are potential kindreds. And that's what I'm looking for in a relationship - at least the ultimate one.

But do I think there's someone out there that I was meant to be with? No. I think there are probably several people who I can love and be happy with, both male and female, friends and lovers. I don't believe in fate or serendipity or anything like that though. I'm sure if I lived in Europe I'd find someone and ultimately be happy with them, just the same as I will here one day.

Besides, if I were to believe in soulmates, I'd never be happy. I'd constantly be wondering if he was "it" and shouldn't it be better than it is if he's my soulmate, etc.

Oh and shopchicago33, I don't think you sound corny. Well, maybe a little corny.

It's sweet that you think that about your boyfriend. I hope you and he always feel that way about each other.

jen · Kate Spade

I think that there is one person out there for you but I also think that you can get along perfectly with someone else too. I "Loved" my last boyfriend and I could have been with him forever (before he got into drug/alcohol way too much) but now that I've been with my current bf I see that we REALLY are supposed to be together and are soulmates.

splash · Kenneth Cole

I believe in soulmates. Since you can't know who it is in advance, when you find the perfect person, that's your soulmate. If circumstances came close to not letting you meet the person who is now your soulmate, that's fate. If they had actually prevented you from coming together, the person wouldn't have been your soulmate in that (imaginary) version of your life. Haha, I'm a hopeless romantic, and I know this explanation is illogical, but I like the idea of soulmates.

lynnie · Chanel

I agree with Blubirde in the sense that I don't think fate is pushing me towards one person or that there is only one person that I could have a deep meaninful soulmate-esque relationship with. I think there are several people that could be "soulmates", maybe thousands even, when you take into consideration the fact that there are 6 billion people in the world. The fact is though, that we meet only a small fraction of the people in the world, and a smaller fraction of these people we could actually fall in love with. You are lucky when you meet someone that is like a soulmate, that you can be yourself with, that you think is beautiful and that thinks you are beautiful too. I definitely believe in true love, Notebook-style, and even if Allie could have been just as happy with someone else eventually, sometimes it just takes that one person to make a lasting impression on you.

jacL · Coach

This is interesting: my mother beleives there are six people in the whole world who could be your "soulmate." I think she got this somewhere out of the Bible, but I don;t know where or how she deduced that. So that ties in the whole "if I have a soulmate, what if I don't ever meet him/her" thing. Basically, it is like what Blubirde said about kindred spirits--there is not just one but you may only ever meet one (or none).

Karina · Chanel

I believe in soulmates.... I think my FH is one of them... there were so many circumstances in life that kept bringing us back to each other - I first met him when I was 15 or so, and we started dating when I was 18 by a funny turn of events.

laken1 · Hermes

I knew I had written down a quote from a movie about this - scary that I knew just where to find it.

"There are people who are more right & people that are less right. You pick one that is more right & you work at it. No one is 'the one'. " from the movie Seven Girlfriends with Tim Daly 1999 -

I don't remember this movie at all or what it is about, but i looked at the quote for years & i do believe it. I think you look for someone who makes you feel like you can be your TRUE self, that understands & accepts who you are, and is kind. But maybe it's just me....

atlgirl · Gucci

No soul mate hooey for me. *s* I believe that there is a guided plan for all of our lives, and that we have some discretion in the choices we make, but ultimately I believe our path(s) are pretty set, even if we end up on them by some interesting twists and turns. I also believe that the Universe (or whatever guiding force you believe in) gives us what we need, when we need it. And some people don't necessarily need a soul mate.

When I was 21, my boyfriend of three years and I thought we were soul mates...and then we couldn't make it work and broke up. I was devastated because I thought he was my everything and I agonized for years afterward over the breakup, and why did it happen if he was my soul mate, etc...and came to realize that as special as that relationship was, it obviously wasn't meant to be forever. He's married to someone else; I'm married to someone else. But the relationship did do many things for me (and, I assume, for him) when we needed it.

I think Laken1's quote is perfect. Even if someone finds their "soul mate", relationships take work. It ain't like the romance novels and the hollywood movie stars portray it, folks. *s*

honey · Gucci

we had this discussion back on fh, and i remember bean had this really awesome response that i should've saved. anyway i don't believe in a soulmate. while i don't wholly reject the concept of fate, i just believe too much in personal choice and each individual's ability to excercise agency in their own lives. even for those who've found their "soulmate" you still make an active decision each and every day to nurture and grow the relationship. and to me even if you found your "soulmate," if you didn't work on the relationship it would fall apart. so in that sense i don't think fate trumps choice and don't believe in soulmates.

nunzi182 · Kate Spade

I definitely believe in soulmates. I also believe that there is more than one for every person. And as far as fate goes, I believe that circumstance and timing are what makes fate work. My bf and I met through a chain of people. I worked with this girl who wanted me to meet her friend. This "friend" turned out to be completely obsessed with his ex and broke up with me "because of my dog" (whatever). Two months later, out of the blue, he calls me up and says HE has a guy he thinks would be great for me...that was five years ago.....

I met him when I was 17 and the rest is history. At 17 I wasn't looking for anything serious, but he came into my life and I just KNEW and I couldn't fight it...what was the point? I think maybe that I was a bit young to meet THE ONE, and possibly missed out on a few things, but some people don't meet THE ONE until much later in life or not at all.

I also think that if you've never met someone with whom you've had a deep connection with, it is hard to fathom the idea of a soulmate.

But that's just my opinion...I could totally see not buying into the whole thing...but I too am a hopeless romantic (The Notebook is my fave movie!)

gingembre1 · Kate Spade

blubirde wrote:

Nope. No soulmate stuff from me. I agree with JacL. I think there are people who are (to quote Anne of Green Gables) "kindred spirits." To me that's someone who understands you on a fundamental level and just "gets" you and would always understand whatever it is you're trying to do/say/experience/etc. I have one kindred (my best friend Brandi) and a handful of friends that are potential kindreds. And that's what I'm looking for in a relationship - at least the ultimate one.

But do I think there's someone out there that I was meant to be with? No. I think there are probably several people who I can love and be happy with, both male and female, friends and lovers. I don't believe in fate or serendipity or anything like that though. I'm sure if I lived in Europe I'd find someone and ultimately be happy with them, just the same as I will here one day.

Besides, if I were to believe in soulmates, I'd never be happy. I'd constantly be wondering if he was "it" and shouldn't it be better than it is if he's my soulmate, etc.

Oh and shopchicago33, I don't think you sound corny. Well, maybe a little corny. It's sweet that you think that about your boyfriend. I hope you and he always feel that way about each other.

Blubirde, I feel the same way! The idea of kindred spirits is much more along the lines of how I feel. Sometimes a little bit of the hopeless romantic will creep in, and I'll think about the soulmate thing...but I actually prefer the idea of kindred spirits. I think with soulmates, you risk the idea that heck, maybe your soulmate was born in abject poverty in Africa, and you're never going to meet him/her!

Kel · Coach

I am split on this. Sometimes I belive in soulmate, I think it is a wonderful thought, and then other times I just do know. I agree with pretty much everyones comment b/c I am so spilt on this issue.

Question: what happen if you meet someone you have a deep connection with and you feel like he was your soulmate but it doesn't work out? Does not defeat the purpose of having a soulmate? Were they not really your soulmate? But what if you never found that type of relationship again? Is it just all fate?

I don't know i am just so boggled by the idea.

janey831 · Kate Spade

I dont know how I feel about this issue. I thought my ex was my soulmate, actually i thought this after we broke up. For this reason, it has been difficult for me to get over him, and it's been an emotionally draining proccess, one that I am still trying to work through. For my sake, I hope that he's NOT my soulmate, because otherwise that's depressing. I dont know if I believe in soul mates, but I know that I was crazy in love with him, and we understood eachother in a way that I have yet to have found with anyone else, guy or girl. At this point, I don't know what a soulmate even is.

Retro · Nine West

I believe in soulmates.... lots of people meet their soulmates and don't even know it. It can be same sex, opposite sex, friend or lover. It's someone you just share an unbreakable bond with, or like your brains are on the same wavelength. Someone can also have multiple soulmates in my opinion. To me the idea of limiting someone to a single soulmate is a little statistically stacked.... the house always wins. I found mine on jan 12 2000 (my FW). We got to know each other, fell in love and I times I feel like I can tell what's on her mind. Even though we slip up in our relationship, we're always there for each other and I don't always show my appreciation. A day without seeing her feels like an incomplete day. Sometimes I feel like we are sharing a brain. You might find your soulmate and end up losing them but deep inside there will always be that connection.

-- Edited by Retro at 17:33, 2005-07-18

-- Edited by Retro at 17:34, 2005-07-18

Elle · Hermes

I like the idea of kindred spirits. I think that they're easy to spot, once you've found them in the first place. I consider myself lucky to have found 3 of them, 2 of whom are still in my life. I think that there are many kindred spirits out there for each of us, there for us to find in every city, state, country.

I dislike the idea of soulmates. It places too much weight on a relationship and relies too heavily on another person for your own happiness, IMO. Leaves a bad Romeo & Juliet taste in my mouth.