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audrey


Nine West

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Posts: 21
Date:
dating a friends exboyfriend
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is it ALWAYS bad?


bah. i dunno, i guess i know the answer to this question, expecially if the circumstances are 1. shes one of your best friends and 2. they dated for a long time and shes not over him, but i gave a really great guy up awhile ago because i suspected she (my friend, his exgirlfriend) wasnt over him.


and now they're dating again.


and we go to the same events. and the same parties. so seeing them together is common. and weird. and hard.


not because i havent seen other guys. but because, i always wonder what it COULD have been. if my friend and i really wouldnt be friends now if i had dated him...if we'd still be dating.


i need reassurance i guess, that i did the right thing regardless of how i feel now. have any of you dated a friends exboyfriend? stories, please......


 



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Andrea Julia


Coach

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Posts: 1811
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I think in this particular case it is good that you didn't date him because they got back together and it is highly likely that they would have gotten back together even if you were with him. 


I think you should only date a friends' ex if (1) she is over him or (2) you are in love with him.  I don't think you should date a friend's ex just because he's a hottie or you think he's nice.  If you have somehow gotten to know him and are really confident in the survival of the relationshiop, I would go for it.  Why should you have to miss out on what could be a great love for you because of someone he's not even with anymore?  I would first keep it at a friends level to be respectful of my friend, but if you fall for each other, you can't help that.  I think your friend would feel better about it if you at least tried not to date him before dating him.



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Mandy


Kate Spade

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Posts: 1134
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dating a friend's ex is always dangerous territory.  i think it is only ok if she is completely ok with it.  i have some exboyfriends that i would be ok with them dating my friends and some that even though im over them i would feel uncomfortable if they went out with any of my friends. 


i think you did the right thing by not pursuing this guy.  it sounds like she definitely would not have approved of you guys dating.   



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www.mandyandbryan.com
splash


Kenneth Cole

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Posts: 321
Date:
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I agree that it's dangerous territory. There are a lot of stories of dating one guy, then ending up marrying his best friend. But aside from that kind of case, where it's probably obvious to everyone which pair is better, I'd avoid it.

But it sounds like for now, what you need to do is decide how best to get over the feeling of wishing you'd kept dating him. Which probably means not spending time with them, or, if you do, focuses on how well they match, rather than on what a great guy he is.

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