STYLETHREAD -- LET'S TALK SHOP!

pollyjean23 · Marc Jacobs

Need advice for dealing with person at work

Boots · Gucci

This woman is not your boss, right? She is just someone you want to be able to network with to further your department? If this is the case, then I would just nicely, but firmly, tell her that your plate is full right now and can't take on anymore projects at this time. Leave the door open, but don't let her trample you. She can only take advantage of you if you let her. Then when you need something from her, approach her with a project already in motion and tell her exactly what she needs to do for it. The idea is to put this person in a box and only let her out when you want her out.

This woman sounds like a bully. You're going to have to be firm with her. If she sees your weaken, she will take advantage of it.

XtinaStyles · Marc Jacobs

Ditto everything below. Sounds like my old boss. Wanted to get involved in EVERYTHING but didn't have the bandwidth or attention span to see anything through. So he would create chaos wherever he went, demand these rediculous projects and expect us to carry them out. Then he would throw meetings and while you'd explain what you did to accomplish his redic plan, he'd go on his iphone, email, or make jokes unrelated to the topic.

I felt like he had bipolarism and ADD, which this woman might have as well. Since she's just a teacher and not a supervisor I don't see why you can't limit your projects to just a few a year and feel comfortable telling her that you have so much on your plate but thank her for considering you. It'd be nice to keep the relationship friendly still so that you can collaborate in the future.

Boots wrote:
This woman is not your boss, right? She is just someone you want to be able to network with to further your department? If this is the case, then I would just nicely, but firmly, tell her that your plate is full right now and can't take on anymore projects at this time. Leave the door open, but don't let her trample you. She can only take advantage of you if you let her. Then when you need something from her, approach her with a project already in motion and tell her exactly what she needs to do for it. The idea is to put this person in a box and only let her out when you want her out. This woman sounds like a bully. You're going to have to be firm with her. If she sees your weaken, she will take advantage of it.

twinkle_star · Kenneth Cole

We have some people in other departments that are very challenging - one in particular - and we used to get approached with new projects that had few specifics and so would turn into nightmarish downward spirals as they went along. I'm not sure if this would work in your situation (I work in marketing) but we came up with a project proposal form that listed all the questions we'd need answers to in order to initiate the project. When I receive it and consider it complete I then set a meeting with the project initiator and my immediate boss as well as others who will be working on the project (I also try and invite the initiator's immediate boss when appropriate). We review the proposal together along with the schedule and get any questions answered. It means that in the long run we spend less time going back and forth along the way and so it cuts down interaction with the challenging people. When we started using it we just went out and said that this was a new process that helps us to streamline workflow and prioritize work in our department (which is clearly overloaded). It's made a huge difference because the scope and the specifics of the project are agreed clearly before we start work so you can always refer back to the initial proposal or meeting notes (that I always send out right after the meeting) if something starts to go astray. Also having my boss there gives me back-up when I push back about doing something (she's awesome like that) and having the project initiator's boss there shows him what a nightmare she is to work with. Good luck!

Suasoria · Chanel

pollyjean23 wrote:

The hilarious part is, this extensive project is just a formalization of a process that my career center has been doing for like 10 years already. She thinks she's "piloting" this new, fabulous program. We've explained to her fifty times that what we are doing isn't new, but it does not sink in. ----- this project is almost done, but now she wants to work with me on more.

Everything you've mentioned is pretty much a personal issue that can be avoided to varying degrees of success...except this above. This is a professional problem and could be very troubling down the line, since the upshot of it is she'll feel entitled to the glory from a program she contributed very little to.

I would bet money that that it does sink in, she just wants to make sure she gets credit for the work in the future.

I mostly agree that you're being too nice to her and allowing her to take advantage of, if not you, then the process itself. Rather than "Career Services can't help you," it's "Career Services chooses not to work with you. Career Services does not value your collaboration, in fact Career Services finds your participation to be unproductive and distracting."

If she wants you to make a presentation in her class, can you recommend someone from the community with hands-on experience (e.g. if she teaches computer science bring in an IT manager)? If not, I think you have to be straight with her and tell her you don't feel your presentations in her classes are very valuable since she's not able to give you enough direction.

pollyjean23 · Marc Jacobs

Thank you all for your advice. I know I need to do a better job at setting and enforcing boundaries. It is so difficult for me.

I don't give a *whaa* about whether or not I get into her class for presentations (or in most other instructors' classes, for that matter), but my boss does. hmm

Our break over the holidays is coming up, and I think she is starting to calm down a little. My goal during the time off is to restore and prepare to approach work in a different way come spring semester.

Thanks again.

greendiamond · Marc Jacobs

Is she trying to "collaborate" and "pilot" these things in an effort to beef up her CV or to try to gain a promotion? Faculty are rewarded for getting their names on things either by being published or presenting posters at conferences, etc. Maybe she is trying to get her name on these things for those purposes? Maybe if you can understand her motivation you can figure out how to either avoid or help her. Of course, she could just be a nutty professor!

Since you are a career counselor, could you recommend a student in a similar focus area who could benefit by also having themselves associated with these activities? Then everybody wins, the annoying lady has a student to boss around, the student can stomach the pain in the ass lady because they are benefiting, and your boss will applaud your further efforts in career counseling because this is one more item that will help the student's resume. And you are totally off the hook!