STYLETHREAD -- LET'S TALK SHOP!

RyanJ · Coach

How much should be spent on a wedding present?

Cricket · Gucci

My norm is $50-$100 depending on how close we are to the couple. My husband and I discussed this topic the other day when we went to a fairly expensive wedding, and I told him I felt obligated to spend a little more on the couple. He said, "NO WAY!!!". They're the ones that decided to have an expensive wedding, not us. They don't deserve more of a present than our friends who's wedding costs half of the other one, he said. Well, he was right, so I stuck w/ my original present (that I bought before I found out the per person cost of the reception. Which they shouldn't have blabbed in the first place, IMO). I did spend more $$$ than normal for her bridal shower. Silly, I know, but it made me feel better.

mikacat · Coach

i would just spend what you can afford, feel comfortable with, how close you are and what is on their registry.

i don't think the price of the wedding should have anything to do with it since you really don't know how much it is per head and if they told you the cost per head or of the wedding, that is super tacky. They may have gotten a discount at the place or for the caterer or know someone who did the flowers or decorations or cake for free or grandma gave money for the wedding etc.

Cricket · Gucci

mikacat wrote:

i would just spend what you can afford, feel comfortable with, how close you are and what is on their registry. i don't think the price of the wedding should have anything to do with it since you really don't know how much it is per head and if they told you the cost per head or of the wedding, that is super tacky. They may have gotten a discount at the place or for the caterer or know someone who did the flowers or decorations or cake for free or grandma gave money for the wedding etc.

Yes, I agree it was tacky. It was, however, the groom that told, not the bride, and he can be a little clueless. He told my husband over a drunken poker game. Funny story-- This couple got married about 3 weeks ago and a really nice resort here in Phoenix. It was a beautiful, elegant wedding w/ about 200 guests. About 2 weeks before the wedding, their wedding planner screwed up some of the hotel reservations for the out of town guests, and the bride was a little perturbed. The groom suggested, TWO WEEKS before their MAY wedding, that they just "find another place". Yeah. My friend was just dumbfounded. Silly man.

oliviacw · BCBG

This really varies by the region of the country you are in. In the Northeast, the "pay for the cost of attending" rule seems to hold, while on the west coast (where I grew up and live), very few people spend more than $100 on a wedding gift. When I got married last November, I received gifts that varied in value from $20 to $120. (One close friend spent more, but the average was probably around $70). I wouldn't have expected anything more.

blink · Coach

Cricket wrote:

My norm is $50-$100 depending on how close we are to the couple. My husband and I discussed this topic the other day when we went to a fairly expensive wedding, and I told him I felt obligated to spend a little more on the couple. He said, "NO WAY!!!". They're the ones that decided to have an expensive wedding, not us. They don't deserve more of a present than our friends who's wedding costs half of the other one, he said. Well, he was right, so I stuck w/ my original present (that I bought before I found out the per person cost of the reception. Which they shouldn't have blabbed in the first place, IMO). I did spend more $$$ than normal for her bridal shower. Silly, I know, but it made me feel better.

I completely agree with this. My minimum is probably around $40-50 if I am not that close to the people getting married (like if one is an acquaintance through business, not really a personal friend, that sort of thing). My max is more like $125 if it's a good friend. The cost of the wedding is completely not my concern, if it were, I simply wouldn't attend costly weddings because the number of friends who got married in the past 6 years, I would have might have spent a few thousand!

RyanJ · Coach

My feeling was much like Cricket's husband- It is not our fault they had an expensive wedding. I think you give what you want. Not to sound totally cheesy, but the whole idea of a wedding is to share the experience with friends and family- not to make out like a bandit.

We get invited to all these weddings for people who work for my dad and other people who are colleagues. These people will have huge weddings and invite all these guest as strictly status symbols and then they expect all these gifts in return because you were invited to their wedding. They just want to be able to say "Mayor X was invited or Sentor X game to my daughters wedding" I don’t want to go to some random wedding of a persons son or daughter that works for my dad. I don’t want to go to a wedding that I know the person much less a wedding where I don’t know the people.

The wedding that is causing this particular argument is a guy that use to be the vice president of my dad’s company daughter is getting married. He has told everyone that he runs into that he is paying about $100,000 for this wedding and that is daughter better get some really good gifts and checks for it(this guy may be the most classless person I have ever met). My dad doesn’t even talk to the father of the bride anymore, but felt he should go to the wedding. He picked up a gift they other day @ a place they were registered. A few people in my family freaked out and felt that he gift was too cheap, but my dad said- “I don’t talk to the father and I have never even met his daughter (she lived w/ her mom in Cali). Why do I need to spend more money?” Which I totally agree w/. If he knows the family or the person getting married my parents are usually pretty generous, but I don’t think they need to be generous w/ people they have never met.

The whole thing just bugs me.

Cricket · Gucci

Oh, this discussion reminds me of my husband's friend's wife. They got married about 3 years ago and my husband was best man. This girl is a piece of work and my husband has never liked her. She was bridezilla during the wedding, but that's okay. What she did the morning after was sooo far out of line, it still shocks me. Hubby crashed at the couples house the night of the wedding. When the bride and groom came back to the house in the morning w/ the gifts, bride and grooms mom started matching gifts to the guest list, which you have to do to send out thank you notes. Well, after they were done, she realized that some people attended the wedding and didn't bring a gift. SHE CALLED THEM THE MORNING AFTER THE WEDDING TO ASK IF THEY BROUGHT A GIFT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! She called 3 people before my husband went off on her and told her she was making a complete ass of herself. The grooms mom was in on it too!!! Unbelievable. Then they were making comments about how certain people's gifts didn't even cover their dinner, so they "didn't make any money off them"! There's more, but I'd better stop because I'm getting riled up.

Lilykind · Hermes

Two of my close friends are getting married this month and I spent $100ish on each one. If I didn't know the person very well, I'd spend about $40.

I cannot believe there are people that are so classless that they count heads and find out if people paid for themselves!!!!!!

greendiamond · Marc Jacobs

I don't feel that a gift has to match the per-head cost. Especially if the parents are paying for the wedding. For very close friends I'll spend between $100-$150. I never write a check for more than $100. For not-as-close friends I'll do more of a $50-$75 gift. Also, I take into consideration what is appropriate for the couple/family. When one of my husbands best friends was married recently, I thought we should spend $100ish or write a check for that much. He said we should go lower because his family couldn't afford to give that much, nor could any of his other friends, and that would be flaunting our good fortune (just as a side note, we are hardly "well off" but we are doing better than his freinds and their folks, so I guess it's a valid point) I think we settled on $60.

I think it also varies by region and social status, but RyanJ, I think we are from the same area, I'm a Detroit area girl too.

-gd

Karina · Chanel

Around $100 ... more if we are really close to the couple.