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esquiress


Marc Jacobs

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okay or no way, in your opinion?
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hey gals, i'm posting on behalf of a friend because she wants to know what other girls think of this:


boyfriend of 3 years going on a singles cruise with his friends (all single except one who also has a girlfriend) in a year for the super bowl, guess it is a super bowl cruise of some sort.


would this be okay w/ you if this were your boyfriend? 


btw, she already knows how she feels about this, was just wondering how others might feel.


thanks for playing, peeps!



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bumblebee


Dooney & Bourke

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is your friend not invited?


is it "boys only"? and why--like for a bachelor party or something? or just to get away?


i think it's sort of dependent upon the situation. 



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esquiress


Marc Jacobs

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other than the super bowl itself, it's not tied to any occasion.


also, when she asked if she could go he said something to the effect of "good luck finding a ticket, they're sold out", but he didn't say outright that she wasn't invited.



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Elle


Hermes

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I would be totally fine with it.  On a 'singles' cruise, the attached guys would probably have to fight the girls off with sticks, so I'd be prepared for the entertaining stories when my guy got home !  But then again I trust my SO explicitly and find it very emotionally exhausting to be jealous, so I just don't do it. 

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beachgirl


Kenneth Cole

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No Way!  If my boyfriend went on a singles cruise, and I was invited, I wouldn't care, but if he went and I wasn't invited or there was no way for me to go, then he would be single when he got back!


It's a singles cruise so everyone will be attempting to hook up, his friends will be egging him on doing the male ego thing, there will be lots of drinking - it's just asking for trouble!


In my opinion it would be very disrespectful. 



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rocky


Coach

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I would be okay with it. I totally trust my SO, and sometimes he just needs to be with the boys...


 



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Metric


Gucci

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Ummm...sounds a bit sketchy to me. What does a cruise have to do with the Superbowl anyway? Can't they just go to the Superbowl insted? Sounds like they want to hookup with a bunch of chicks and are using that as an excuse. It would def. piss me off. Especially if I was blown off like "good luck getting a ticket". Where I come from that means "you're not invited and I don't want to to go".


If my bf did that (he wouldn't) he would be able to go on a singles cruise because I would most def. dump his sorry ass!


Also I agree that it is way disrespectful.



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Lilykind


Hermes

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I would be okay with it, but I trust my BF completely and would understand if he wanted a weekend with the boys (especially considering he never does go out with them anyway).


But if said guy in question has had a wandering eye...



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splash


Kenneth Cole

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It's so dependent on their specific relationship... If she felt she can trust him completely, then it's fine, but just knowing what I do, it seems a little weird to me - if he'd been willing to help her go, then okay, but as is, he's knowingly putting himself in the middle of a lot of temptation. Even if he has the best of intentions, depending on the way he talks about it, I might wonder whether he was unconsciously looking for some way out of the relationship.

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member


Hermes

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I agree that sometimes boys just need to buy w/their boys and all that and I'd be fine w/that but my question is why does he need to go on a 'singles cruise' why can't he take a normal trip w/the boys?  And a cruise for the Superbowl?  That seems odd to me too.  I'd tell you I was fine w/it if it wasn't a singles cruise and didn't sound suspcious.

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beachgirl


Kenneth Cole

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I trust my boyfriend completely as well, and I am totally fine with a weekend with the guys, but, I think a singles cruise and a weekend with the guys are two completely separate things.  I think going on a singles cruise crosses the line.



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RyanJ


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I wouldn't have a problem if my bf went on a cruise w/ his friends, but I don't like the idea of it being a singles cruise. I would probably still say it was okay.

I agree w/ Lmonet I bet the stories will be great.

BrazenCanadian- it would probalby be pretty hard for them to get superbowl tickets as just regular fans. I know that it happends, but my dads compnay has a suite for the the Detriot super bowl and I can't belive what he paid for them. I love football and totally stoked about going to the super bowl, but the prices for a suite are crazy. I guess it is pretty impossible for fans to get tickets.

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crystal


Kate Spade

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i don't think it's a matter of trust at all here.  my problem w/ the situation is that he went & got tix w/ the boys w/o telling his gf (not that he needs permission, but if he wanted her to go he would have gotten her a ticket or at least asked her to buy one for herself so she could go).  then when confronted about it, his comment about "good luck..." was completely rude!  i would dump his ass on that alone, never mind "if she trusts him then it's ok" cuz it is never ok to be so rude to someone u r in a relationship with.  also, what does the other guy's gf think?  maybe the two of them should chat.

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FashionPrincess


Hermes

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Well, I asked my husband for a guys opinion and he thinks it is a bad idea!  Even if intentions are honorable he would be putting himself in precarious situations.

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sephorablue


Marc Jacobs

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I would have no problem with him going on a cruise with the guys and completely trust him not to hook up, although the fact that it is specifically described as a "singles cruise" seems a little odd. I assume, though, it was his friends' idea and he just sees it as a chance to hang out with them, so in that case, it's really a technicality.

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Tati


Chanel

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I would not be okay with it even if I trusted the guy. I just wouldnt want my man in that kind of atmosphere. I know guys need their time away from us girls but thats the kind of place I would have a problem with. Hello, its only him and one other guy that are attatched? thats gonna be a lot of problems. men will be men and im sure the other guys will be pressuring them to do stuff cause their girls arent there and that they will never find out about it.

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shopgirl82


Chanel

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first of all, ladies, how many of your guys would go on a singles cruise?  i asked my bf too, and he said he wouldn't want to go if he was in a relationship, because he would a) either feel like he was giving the wrong impression to all the girls or b) feel stupid when all his friends are looking to hook up.  as a female going on it, i would just assume that the guy is looking to hook up, or his relationship really isn't that stable if he is going on a singles cruise.  there are plenty of other ways to spend guy time.  i agree that there would be a lot of pressure from the other guys to hook up with a girl.  add booze and it's trouble. we trust each other completely, but i still would have reservations, especially his response was the same as that guys.... 


i guess it depends on their relationship, but i don't think a guy who respects his gf/fiance/wife would go without his SO, or for that matter SHOULD even want to go at all.  like i said, there are other ways to spend guy time. 



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Andrea Julia


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Hmm...hard one.  I have been thinking and rethinking this for like 10 minutes now.


In her situation, I would most likely let him go on the cruise.  I would HATE it, but I would let him go.  I just wouldn't be able to come up with an argument that is compelling enough for me to feel comfortable making it.  All the arguments I can come up come dangerously close to "I don't trust you."  There is nothing wrong with him going on a singles cruise, per se.  The reasons I would have for him not going are all based on things that COULD happen as opposed to things that DID happen or WILL DEFINITELY HAPPEN.  I just couldn't tell him not to go and feel right about myself.


When I first read your post, the first thing I started thinking is:  why a singles cruise and not just a regular cruise?  My answer immediately came to me:  his friends want to go on that cruise and there are more of them.  Why should they have to change around their vacation plans because their friend has a girlfriend?  And his friends probably want to go on the singles cruise because it will have people their age, not old people and children.  He has every right to go on a cruise with his friends.  If he had never given me reason to doubt his fidelity, I would just bite my tongue and let him go on the cruise.  If he had given me doubt, well, I wouldn't be with him in the first place.


It really wouldn't make sense for your friend to go along with them.  It would turn his boys vacation into a vacation with him and her.  In his eyes and his friends' eyes, it would change the whole dynamic of the trip.  Honestly, if your friend went along, wouldn't she want to spend a lot of time alone with him?  Wouldn't he end up doing girly things with her all day instead of hanging with the guys?  Wouldn't she get mad at him if he wanted to watch or play sports or pound beers with his friends instead of spending time in the hot tub with her?  Sorry if I am making assumptions, but I think on some level, I would be like this. 


I really have no problem with a boyfriend spending time with his friends alone.  Well, I pretend I don't.  I really sometimes would want to tell him not to, especially if they are all wild single guys, but in the end, if you continuously say no with no real concrete answer besides "I don't trust your friends", you are going to eventually lose him.  I feel it is best to pick your fights.   The only thing I draw the line at is, to be general, treating another girl, usually an ex, in a special way.  This would include cheating (obviously), flirting, hugging (besides a quick hug hello), spending time alone together, excessive phone conversations, etc (yeah, I could never date a guy whose best friend is a girl, and I just accept that about myself).  These are all actually things that can potentially happen on the cruise.  My take on that is that if something WERE to happen on the cruise I would eventually find out.  And if I didn't, he would eventually do something else similar in a different place and time that I would find out about.   


I would most certainly talk to him about what he expects to do on the trip.  Hopefully, he will be able to list a few things besides ummm...hang out with my friends. I would also remind him once that my definition of cheating is probably more on the conservative side.  I would be nice about it, but he would know that if he did any of those things, he's gone. 



-- Edited by Andrea Julia at 00:19, 2005-06-07

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Karina


Chanel

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no way.

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poptart


Coach

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Lilykind wrote:


I would be okay with it, but I trust my BF completely and would understand if he wanted a weekend with the boys (especially considering he never does go out with them anyway). But if said guy in question has had a wandering eye...


Lilykind, I LOVE that emoticon. It says it all!


My ex and his friends used to road trip to a football game every year. I never liked the idea of it, but was fine with it b/c it was something they had always done and I didn't want to interfere with the "tradition."


Something icky about it: imagining the BF turning into a man-wolf as he moves about the ship with his pack, making obnoxious comments about women. Something to balance that out: if he can be trusted not to become a man-wolf, then why shouldn't he go?


ETA: Yikes!!! I missed that it was a singles cruise, as in a sponsored singles event. That is NOT okay. No way.



-- Edited by Lisa at 11:11, 2005-06-07

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