STYLETHREAD -- LET'S TALK SHOP!

Grace · Dooney & Bourke

Quick Poll

jacL · Coach

It depends on the moment. I am in a longterm relationship but we broke up last spring/summer and I dated around a lot (a whole other story!). The only 'rules' I played by was that if I called him, he had to call me next...and there were a few times I threw that one out the window too. I think you need to just take everything as it comes. For the most part, rules are too confining.

blink · Coach

let him make the first move...but encourage him by making stealth moves

blubirde · Chanel

I COMPLETELY do not buy the "he's just not that into you" bull. It sold a ton of books and made the guy a lot of money, so it's done its job. Now we can all let it die. Sure, sometimes, if a guy doesn't make a move, he's not interested. But, just like in every other aspect of our lives, there are no hard and fast rules that apply in every single situation. Think of a time when you haven't returned a call or made a move. I'm sure you've had other motivations besides not being interested. Too scared, too busy, too intimidated, etc. So, no, I don't think if he doesn't call you or make a move then he isn't interested.

However, if you make a move or make a call or something like that and he STILL doesn't respond, that might be a sign. Just remember that boys aren't as subtle as us women. (bad grammar and all) If you're going to make a move, make sure he knows that's what you're doing. Then you'll have your answer.

And I think it's completely okay to take the first step. You can say or do whatever you feel like. If he doesn't react the way you hope he will, at least you have your answer and can move on without wasting any more of your time wandering "what if?"

So yes, I make moves.

And no, I don't believe in the "he's just not that into you" crap.

Grace · Dooney & Bourke

quote:
Originally posted by: blubirde
"I COMPLETELY do not buy the "he's just not that into you" bull. It sold a ton of books and made the guy a lot of money, so it's done its job. Now we can all let it die. Sure, sometimes, if a guy doesn't make a move, he's not interested. But, just like in every other aspect of our lives, there are no hard and fast rules that apply in every single situation. Think of a time when you haven't returned a call or made a move. I'm sure you've had other motivations besides not being interested. Too scared, too busy, too intimidated, etc. So, no, I don't think if he doesn't call you or make a move then he isn't interested. However, if you make a move or make a call or something like that and he STILL doesn't respond, that might be a sign. Just remember that boys aren't as subtle as us women. (bad grammar and all) If you're going to make a move, make sure he knows that's what you're doing. Then you'll have your answer. And I think it's completely okay to take the first step. You can say or do whatever you feel like. If he doesn't react the way you hope he will, at least you have your answer and can move on without wasting any more of your time wandering "what if?" So yes, I make moves. And no, I don't believe in the "he's just not that into you" crap. "

Beautiful answer. Maybe I say that just because you said what I have been thinking. I just keep getting scared off because a couple of my girlfriends keep telling me to wait. I'm no good at waiting. I like to lay it out there and figure it out. Either know to move on or move ahead.

poptart · Coach

I don't know about the "he's not that into you" thing - but I let the guy make the move just because I WANT the guy to make the move. I want someone who's confident enough and likes me enough to do it.

sephorablue · Marc Jacobs

I've had mixed experiences with making the first move. I have to say, in most cases, it did turn out that the guy wasn't interested in me. But then, the way my boyfriend senior year of college and I met was because I kept thinking about him after a really brief flirty conversation one day so I looked through our facebook until I found him (I went to a tiny school), and then I emailed him. Total stalking behavior, and yet not only did I not freak him out, but he was like "oh yeah, I thought you were cute!" and we wound up having a great relationship. The last time I asked someone out though, it was a very ambiguous situation--guy was a buddy from the office who I'd had a crush on for ages, and I was getting distinctly mixed signals from him, but ultimately I just decided I wanted a definite answer. Turns out that the definite answer was "I'm kind of interested in you but not sure I want to pursue it" (also known as "I'm not that into you") but at least I had my answer and I knew where I stood. So I say, if the situation is bugging you and you'd rather know what the story is one way or the other, ask him out! Good luck!

fashionista L · Coach

quote:

Originally posted by: blubirde
"I COMPLETELY do not buy the "he's just not that into you" bull. It sold a ton of books and made the guy a lot of money, so it's done its job. Now we can all let it die. Sure, sometimes, if a guy doesn't make a move, he's not interested. But, just like in every other aspect of our lives, there are no hard and fast rules that apply in every single situation. Think of a time when you haven't returned a call or made a move. I'm sure you've had other motivations besides not being interested. Too scared, too busy, too intimidated, etc. So, no, I don't think if he doesn't call you or make a move then he isn't interested. However, if you make a move or make a call or something like that and he STILL doesn't respond, that might be a sign. Just remember that boys aren't as subtle as us women. (bad grammar and all) If you're going to make a move, make sure he knows that's what you're doing. Then you'll have your answer. And I think it's completely okay to take the first step. You can say or do whatever you feel like. If he doesn't react the way you hope he will, at least you have your answer and can move on without wasting any more of your time wandering "what if?" So yes, I make moves. And no, I don't believe in the "he's just not that into you" crap.

" Totally agree!! I would make the first move because, who knows maybe the guy is intimidated or shy??

Karina · Chanel

i made the move with my FH. i knew he was into me, but he was too shy make us anything more than friends.