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Post Info TOPIC: UPDATE:Boy problems!! I am so sad right now! long!
fashionista L


Coach

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UPDATE:Boy problems!! I am so sad right now! long!
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My boyfriend Mike and I have been having a lot of problems lately, we'll just get upset at each other and I will be really emotional and say I think we should break up. I would say this has been happening about once a week for the past couple months. (We have been together for 3 1/2 years) Obviously that is not productive for a relationship at all. Besides that, he has a history of calling other chicks behind my back and acting to them as if he is available and single, the way I have found out is basically snooping in his phone, I never would have found out otherwise. After finding random girls numbers that I see he's been calling, I have contacted them, and they never know he has a girlfriend. Ok, so that is the bad, Other than that we are best friends, we have a ton of fun together and we both love each other and care about each other sooo much. Last week, we had a talk and he asked me if I thought we really were going to break up soon, I said I kind of thought so because we are constantly fighting about the same thing, him trying to feel single by chatting it up with random chicks and him saying I'm psycho for looking up his phone numbers. This has been ongoing so I told him I think he needs to get out there and date other girls because he seems to act like he's missing out on something by the way he acts! This really kills me though. I don't really want to break up. I just don't want to be treated like this. I don't know what else to do though. I just hate my situation! We have lived together for about 2.5 years so that will be hard too! I love him so much and I know he loves me and neither one of us actually wants to break up it just feels like something I nned to do. Does this make any sense? I need your guys opininons! My mom says I just need to do whats right for me. I am so confused right now.


 


 


Ok, after a few days apart, we kind of got back together. I know I know, I need to get away from him and us. It is so hard!! Especially when you love someone so much. I know there will be a time when I wish I had just broken up last week, I hope there's not, but who knows and that will not be fun. We had a few good long conversations and we both decided we really want to make it work. I hope it does!! I don't want to waste any more of my time. As you can tell, I am still a lil iffy about this, we'll see how it goes!

-- Edited by fashionista L at 17:16, 2005-05-12



-- Edited by fashionista L at 19:08, 2005-05-19

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~ Leslie
beachgirl


Kenneth Cole

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RE: Boy problems!! I am so sad right now! long!
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It almost seems like he is trying to wimp out and get you to break up with him so that he can have a clear conscience and do whatever he wants.  I just don't understand why he would keep calling random girls, I mean of course you're going to keep looking, and as long as you keep finding evidence, why would you stop?


It is very abusive behavior towards you and it needs to stop!  Just know that this is not your fault, you're not doing anything wrong, and there's nothing you can do to make him stop.  Don't let him turn HIS problem around on you.



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crystal


Kate Spade

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i know it's cheesy but i think if u love someone u should set them free.  if it's meant to be he'll come back to u (although who knows if u'll still be there waiting for him ). 

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Kel


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I know it is hard, but you do need to do what is best for you. For one thing the only reason why you looked in his phone was because you were suspicious in the first place. You guys always fight about this one thing. I might be wrong but it seems like the trust is gone, and it is really hard to continue to build a relationship on no trust. Maybe he does feel like he is missing out on something. Maybe you should take a break for a while and see where it leads you.


When i read this too, one thing came to my mind, since you have been together for a long time, and you guys are best friends, ask yourself if you are in love with him, or if you are just comfortable in the situation. My mom asked me this the other day, when we were talking about my relationship and I feel like it put a lot of things into perspective for me.



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fashionista L


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I think we do need a break of some kind, I just had my lunch break with him and I think it might be a good idea if he moves in with one of his buddies and see how that goes. I don't know. I was thinking if it starts being better, we could move back in together? Do you think that is a good idea?

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Kel


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I would wait a while, like a couple of months. How do you know that he will not be doing the same stuff again?

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fashionista L


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You are right I don't think I can go through much more of that.  A break is probably the best idea.

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~ Leslie
Dizzy


Marc Jacobs

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Good luck sweetie - you can, and will, find someone better for you!

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blubirde


Chanel

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fashionista L - when I read your post, it was like reading something I could have written with my college/law school boyfriend.


Here's the long and short of it: you don't want to break up with him because you love him and/or are comfortable with him and/or are scared of change and/or all of the above. The thing is, just because we want a thing, doesn't mean it's good for us. You KNOW you have to end it with him. You just can't bring yourself to voluntarily cut off an arm. But if that arm is caught under a rock (pardon the metaphor but you see my point), you have to cut it off so you won't die. It hurts now and it will hurt in the future but it's the only way to save yourself.


As for the other girl stuff and trying to make you feel bad for it, he's abusing you. I'm not exaggerating at all. He's taking your trust, your instincts, your sanity even and twisting it around for his benefit. It's incredibly destructive and damaging and you absolutely cannot let him do it to you. It took me ages to realize how fucked up I was from that boyfriend. He manipulated the hell out of me and I was so messed up I couldn't even see it. It took a lot of time, decent people who actually cared about me, and gentle relationships for me to really get it. I'm not saying the guy (yours or mine) did it on purpose. He just couldn't help it. He was like me, not wanting to cut off an arm in one fail swoop, but instead hacking at it bit by bit. It just so happened that him hacking at it bit by bit hurt a lot more than the big whack.


I know you know what you really need to do. It just takes a lot of bravery to do it. You'll make the right decision and we're here for you when you do.



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bri


BCBG

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i dont have too much advice for you, but i do know that i just broke up with a guy that i loved but fought all the time with and once we ended it, though i miss him, i am seriously so much happier, i have less anxiety, i dont sit around worrying about how to fix things, i dont cry everyday...etc.  and so if its causing you a ton of stress and unhappiness, you'd probably be better off ending it! he's not worthy of you if he's gonna be out acting all crazy with other girls! just think of it this way, ..it's his loss!


( i think after three years of dating if you set him free he will most likely come back though, if not, he REALLLY isnt worth it)



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f413


Kenneth Cole

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Calling other girls, especially when you've been living together for two and a half years is totally disrespectful. I think you "snooped" because your instincts rightfully told you to.

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sephorablue


Marc Jacobs

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I am missing something... who are these girls? Coworkers? Random female friends he barely speaks to? Or girls whose numbers he gets at bars? I just don't understand exactly what you mean when you say he calls them and acts as though he doesn't have a girlfriend. He just has these phone buddies, but he doesn't actually go out with them? I'm not saying what he is doing is OK because it doesn't sound like it is--I just don't quite understand what he is doing.

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fashionista L


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Basically, he meets these girls at work or out and about with his friends and he never tells them he has a girlfriend. He usually doesn't hang out with them, but he has gone out with one of these girls. I have talked to about 5 of them and they have never kissed or done anything remotely physical (according to him and the girls)

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Kel


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Any updates?

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