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Post Info TOPIC: UPDATE: Dating at Work--BOY AM I DEPRESSED!!
jah


Dooney & Bourke

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UPDATE: Dating at Work--BOY AM I DEPRESSED!!
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****UPDATE*******************************************************



Okay, so you all gave good advice...there was a connection and I should act on it... I didn't until two days ago.  So why depressed, well the reason I acted is he is moving.  Yep, great job is taking him away.  I am very depressed about all this.  Basically, we were at an event, got a bit tipsy and started communicating (imagine that!).  Now, I just feel like I lost an opportunity and I want to kick myself.  Plus, I'm away on business, so I am missing all the going away parties and don't get to say goodbye... he e-mailed me and told me to call him when I get back, so I don't know if I should do that.  Aren't I just prolonging the misery by continuing conversation?



Anyway, any ideas for how I can cheer myself up?  I guess I need to go buy some stuff in the country I'm visiting... They have designer stores within walking distance (I'm in dangerous territory here!). 



*******************************************************************



What are everyone's thoughts on dating a co-worker?



My last long-term boyfriend and I were set up by my former boss.  He was a director in my company (I was a manager).  I did not report to him and I wasn't in the same organization.  We worked together briefly on one project, but weren't in the same building, etc.  Anyway, we brought a lot of crap into our relationship from work and after 3+ years broke up (reasons outside of work, but that is another story).



So, now I am in a different company.  Before starting at this company, I used their software, so I know many people in the organization.  One of these people is a guy I've known for about 3 years.  He's a really great guy and I think I'm attracted to him, but because of previous stress in my past relationship, I told myself I would never do this again...



What do you guys think?  To date or not to date at work?



For this specific situation, I don't know if this guy even likes me...I think I get that vibe and a few people have made comments about the two of us (he always asks me to go places with him and his friends, but I'm new to the area, so he could just be being nice).  He also stops by my desk to chat, etc.  There is always lots of flirting, but again, I can't tell.  My last clue is that a salesperson asked me what I thought of the guy.  I said we were friends, and the salesguy said that he had asked the guy the same thing and if he was going to ask me out and the saleguy said if I didn't like him, I should clue him in or something.  Anyway, I don't know if the salesguy is yanking my chain or what, but I will say if he asked me, I wouldn't know what to do.



He is very cute, very smart and we have a lot of the same interests.  Never have any problem talking with him, conversation flows, is flirty and witty.  But he is a director in my company (I'm a manager).  I don't work for him, but he is over a software program that I could interface with in the future if my client base were to change or one of his clients were added.  I'll admit I have a crush and if something were to happen, I'm thinking of changing my mind about the "no dating at work rule", but what do you gals think?



By the way, there is no work policy that would prohibit it...




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bostongal


BCBG

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How far away is he moving?

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splash


Kenneth Cole

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wait, are these 2 separate guys? i'm confused. it seems like you're distanced enough at work that it'd be okay, especially if you were to explicitly say that you wouldn't talk about work outside it, or whatever.

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blubirde


Chanel

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I'm with bostongal. Is he moving too far to really see each other after this? Maybe you can still hang out when he's in town, you're in his town, etc. (If that's possible.)


And you should DEFINITELY call him when you get back. Even if you are prolonging the obvious - and potentially upsetting - if you feel like you've missed out on an opportunity now, imagine what you'll feel like if you don't call him when you get back. Plus, sometimes the best things happen when we least expect them to. Go for it!


And I'm sorry you're feeling sad. I hate when stuff like that happens. Especially when I feel like I could have had some control over the situation but I missed it. Bleh. Shopping always helps me. Eat some good native food in the country you're visiting and buy something extravagant. You'll feel better in no time.



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jah


Dooney & Bourke

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He is moving about 4.5 hours from where I live now....not that much, I know...BUT it appears that I could also be moving to the opposite side of the country.  I'm not leaving my company, but a VP that I do a lot of work for has specifically asked me if I am interested in coming on board with his team (currently he has only one other person on his team--we are in a "matrix" organization).  Anyway, this job would take me into software product management, which is a great opportunity.  The job still has to be approved, and they still have to decide they want me, but the VP told me he was going to demand the position and that I was his top choice.  His other employee inquired about my interest last week and really likes me and I work with the whole matrix in my current job and am well-connected and respected.  So, in sum, if they get the req opened (probably going to happen since we have a 45 million oppty in the next 14 months that I will need to help develop), in all likelihood, I will be offered job and will move to West Coast.  So that is it in a nut shell.  He is leaving the company, and it looks like I will transfer.


I'm really confused because in my current job (which I love), I can live anywhere...so if an LD thing worked, I could move....but, I don't think I know enough to make that decision and unfortunately, this other oppty is going to close too fast to really get anything concrete.  I really think this is just going to be the one I always think of as "the one that got away"....


Anyway, I e-mailed, but haven't received a reply (it has been 12 hours, so maybe he has changed his mind).  Don't really think so, though, since he tried to call me first when he left and couldn't get in touch with me, so then e-mailed.  I am probably going to call, if for no other reason than I want advice on if I should take the riskier product job and leave my safe job for a more "start-up" area of the business.  Generally, that fits my personality better, but he will know the dynamics of the business since he was with my company for years and he is also in a product job, so he will know if I will like it better than what I am doing and/or if he thinks it will fit my personality/strengths. 


Oh yeah, I am also going to be driving throught his new town in a couple of weeks.  Should I mention that to see if we can get together?


Waaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhh!



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blubirde


Chanel

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quote:
Originally posted by: jah
"Oh yeah, I am also going to be driving throught his new town in a couple of weeks.  Should I mention that to see if we can get together? Waaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhh!"

Yes!!! Most definitely. I can't offer any advice on the job situation but definitely let him know you'll be there.


Let us know how he responds to your email! (Or how he responds when you see him in person, whichever. )



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sfcaligirl


Dooney & Bourke

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hi jah,


i don't really have too much advice, but i wanted to let you know that i completely understand what you're going through.  i was shocked when i read your post because i'm in a eerily similar situation.  it was like reading about my own life!  it's nice to know i'm not the only one going through this...


my coworker/friend and i have been close friends for a while and we recently admitted our feelings for each other (like, last week).  i've had a crush on him and it turns out he did to.  we finally acted on it, but he's moving!  really soon.  so for the past week, we've been doing this strange balancing act.  we've been spending a lot of time together but are trying not to get too too close (mainly, we decided not to sleep together even though we both want to).  it will just make it even harder when he goes.  i'm so sad because we have a genuine connection and that's so rare... we've left it open, we'll see what happens, but i'm not so good at long-distance stuff.  sniff, sniff.  i'm really going to miss him.


i'd try to see him when you're in his town- at least see where things could go.  better than wondering "what if?"... good luck, just wanted to let you know that you're not alone!


 



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