STYLETHREAD -- LET'S TALK SHOP!

Vanessa · Kate Spade

Another silly vent

rocky · Coach

Maybe becuase you don't call him he thinks you are not interested? He might be old fashioned and want more phone conversations before he is comfortable asking you out and not scared of rejection??

splash · Kenneth Cole

I don't see how he could do this and not be interested... I know (yes, I'm horribly traditional/shy) this would be a little pushy for me, but could you respond with a short, thanks, you too, I'm still thinking about seeing Sin City, but I'm not sure what'll happen.. Er, something a little smoother than that

I never have the courage to ask guys out or even push them like this, so I don't know how to do it... Or what about just asking again what he's doing.. Sorry, I bet this isn't helpful at all! But I agree, guys are weird

esquiress · Marc Jacobs

you know aj and i were just talking about how e-mail and the internet have changed the face of dating and made it so much harder.

anyway, imo communication via e-mail/im/whatever a very insecure place to start off a potentially budding relationship, here's why:

1. response time (having to worry about when you should respond, how long it takes him to respond, etc.)

2. the response itself (how long was his? how long was yours? what did it say? was he being brief because he was busy or trying to blow you off?)

3. and the biggie: email is by it's very nature casual but at the same time not because it's in writing, after all you can spend forever chatting but "would you go out with me" just sounds so serious and formal all typed out like that, thus email becomes this nebulous stalling place--very frustrating.

so here's my advice: don't email anymore. call. you don't have to ask him out but you can just chat over the phone, and mention the movie you want to see, over the phone he can't ignore the reference, via email he can and it can come off like a total accident (which it could easily have been). if you call and get voicemail, leave a breezy message. if you don't hear back you have your answer. if you hear back via email, CALL him back and say oh i got your email, sorry didn't have a chance to write back, what's up? point is, break the email habit and see what comes of it.

blubirde · Chanel

quote:
Originally posted by: esquiress
"you know aj and i were just talking about how e-mail and the internet have changed the face of dating and made it so much harder. anyway, imo communication via e-mail/im/whatever a very insecure place to start off a potentially budding relationship, here's why: 1. response time (having to worry about when you should respond, how long it takes him to respond, etc.) 2. the response itself (how long was his? how long was yours? what did it say? was he being brief because he was busy or trying to blow you off?) 3. and the biggie: email is by it's very nature casual but at the same time not because it's in writing, after all you can spend forever chatting but "would you go out with me" just sounds so serious and formal all typed out like that, thus email becomes this nebulous stalling place--very frustrating. so here's my advice: don't email anymore. call. you don't have to ask him out but you can just chat over the phone, and mention the movie you want to see, over the phone he can't ignore the reference, via email he can and it can come off like a total accident (which it could easily have been). if you call and get voicemail, leave a breezy message. if you don't hear back you have your answer. if you hear back via email, CALL him back and say oh i got your email, sorry didn't have a chance to write back, what's up? point is, break the email habit and see what comes of it. "

I'd never thought about it this way before but you're right. Things are so much different than in any other dating era. The phone idea is a good one. Maybe he thinks you aren't interested because you don't call him or call him back or whatever?

I think he's obviously interested because why seek you out and specifically mention he'd noticed you before? Plus, and this is my experience, guys don't spend so much time on lengthy emails if they're not interested in the girl on the other end.

Do you have the nerve to ask him what he's doing over the weekend? For instance: You always ask me what I'm doing over the weekend (I guess you're just curious?), so now I'll return the favor. What are you doing? Anything good? I'm going to try to catch Sin City sometime. Are you going to as well? My favorite theatre is The Arbors (insert fave theatre here) because it shows all the great independent films (or whatever reason). Do you have a favorite?

And then move on to another topic. If he doesn't get it that way, I don't know what will make him get it!

Good luck and keep us posted!

Farrah · Marc Jacobs

Okay, I have a different take on email and dating because email is really how G and I got to know each other in the beginning. After we met on NYE we didn't speak to each other until 20 days later when I came to Chicago for the weekend. We emailed each other almost every day (several times a day) though. I actually still have the email that he asked me on our first date, I have all of the emails from the beginning of ou relationship. I truly think that if not for email we wouldn't have clicked as well as we did when it came time for a face to face date without gallons of alcohol and all of our friends around.

So I say he is just being a puss and he is either playing games or he isn't very assertive and you don't need that kind of guy especially after S.

In closing I say, screw him and go see Sin City with me. I have movie passes so we can go for free, hee-hee;).

Dizzy · Marc Jacobs

Bluebirde, you're so smooth! I love the suggestion of how to snag a date... Good luck with this one Vanessa! I have NO clue what to tell you.

esquiress · Marc Jacobs

quote:
Originally posted by: Farrah
"Okay, I have a different take on email and dating because email is really how G and I got to know each other in the beginning. After we met on NYE we didn't speak to each other until 20 days later when I came to Chicago for the weekend. We emailed each other almost every day (several times a day) though. I actually still have the email that he asked me on our first date, I have all of the emails from the beginning of ou relationship. I truly think that if not for email we wouldn't have clicked as well as we did when it came time for a face to face date without gallons of alcohol and all of our friends around. So I say he is just being a puss and he is either playing games or he isn't very assertive and you don't need that kind of guy especially after S. In closing I say, screw him and go see Sin City with me. I have movie passes so we can go for free, hee-hee;)."

aww! that is such a cute story farrah--might just give me faith in email...but...here's why i think vanessa's situation might be different. you and g were far away for a while right? so there was no possibility of seeing each other until you came to chicago, right? so i think that your initial correspondence via email were like modern day love letters (awww...). and you guys could also get to know one another w/o the pressure of either of you having to ask the other out because it was already a given that you'd see each other when you came to chicago (or else why would you be coming, if not for him?)

hmm...i may not be explaining this well...i guess my bottom line is there's no stopping this guy from seeing vanessa whenever he wants, and the email is a medium that puts distance between two people who work in the same proximity--think about it, if it wasn't for email, he'd HAVE to call, come see her, whatever. and i guess i've just noticed that often times email becomes a crutch that gets in the way of direct contact. anyway, it's just a theory because at the end of the day, if it's meant to be, it'll be. good luck vanessa!