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Kitty


Hermes

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This is awkward...
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I've been pretty successful at my job and have known for awhile that I am the go-to person for my boss. I took advantage of a recent re-organization/layoff to communicate to my manager that I wanted to take on more responsibility and move up if there were any openings.

She told me she was glad to hear it and that she had been thinking the same thing. So, while I haven't officially been given a new title or more money (we're in reviews right now), I've been given a lot more responsibility and have been put in more of a decision-making role (I went from a project manager to the site owner for our corporate web site).

This is starting to get awkward because there are a few other people on my team that were also project managers (same job I used to have) and it's weird now that my decisions, actions, etc. trump theirs. What makes it especially awkward for me is that one of the PMs has been here for like 13 years and is a very close friend of mine. He's also the one who trained me. In general, I'm friends with all of my peers and we usually hang out a couple times a week and bitch about management, our workloads, etc. This is starting to get really weird because I'm in more of a management position now.

Although it's been kind of awkward at times, it hasn't been too unbearable because again, it's not official yet.

Well, i just got invited to this "managers retreat" in SF that's for an entire week. I looked to see if any of the other PMs were invited, and they weren't. I have a weird guilt thing around telling them because I worry they will see me as a sell-out and/or be hurt/upset/offended in a way that could hurt our friendship.

Has anyone ever been in a situation like this? Where you are given a chance to move up but it could hurt your relationship with peers who wanted the same thing?

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Suasoria


Chanel

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If this were a reality dating show, you'd look squarely into the camera and say, "I'm not here to make friends...I'm here to WIN."

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Tati


Chanel

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Suasoria wrote:

If this were a reality dating show, you'd look squarely into the camera and say, "I'm not here to make friends...I'm here to WIN."



 Good one!

I'm sure it is awkward, but eventually you'll get over it and so should your "peers". and you may lose some of them, but I'm sure you'll gain more good friends in your work field and don't forget...this is what you've been working so hard for, and you deserve it. So enjoy and try not to worry about how your peers will take it or if they will talk trash. You can never make everyone happy. And reality is, there will be some that will talk trash out of jealousy im sure....



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Aurora


Marc Jacobs

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I've totally been there. It sucks and they will change the way they think of you. Some will continue to like you but watch what they say and others will be upset and probably not talk to you. You just have to remember that you earned this promotion and you should feel proud about it.

You will probably have some growing pain when it is made official and you have to start delegating work to them or directing them. You just have to try to separate work from friendship feelings without being too harsh. It is tough at first but you'll get the hang of it.

Congrats!

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Miss Mabel


Kenneth Cole

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I have been there and can only second what the others have said. You will likely move from "friends" to "friendly" with your peers as you move into management.

Congrats!

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NCshopper


Hermes

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Suasoria's totally right.

I'm in the same situation right now and this has been an ongoing thing for the last year or so. I'm currently training to take over a lot of my boss's responsibilities when she retires in 2.5 years, making me one of the bosses over what used to be fellow coworkers. It's been awkward and uncomfortable at times, but it's getting better. One thing that helped was that I stopped bitching about our boss. I tried to align myself with my coworkers for about 6 months or so, continuing to bitch about management, and I can tell you right now that doesn't work. It confuses people and isn't productive and can get you caught in the middle of uncomfortable situations, so ceasing all of that immediately is in your best interest.

Also, I hate to say it, but you might have to stop going out with your coworkers after work. They're going to need to bitch about management and blow off steam and your presence eventually might (I say "might," not a definite "will") interfere. It doesn't mean you can't be friendly with your coworkers, but being friends is different and might not work. I still chat with my former coworkers, asking about their kids, weekend plans, etc, but I don't do after-work stuff with them. I work in a very politically-charged office and it just didn't work. The more I've separated myself, the easier it's gotten. It's also gotten a bit lonelier, but for the most part, it's not bad.

I'm still dealing with all of this and learning all the time, but it's an awkward period and I don't think it's necessarily the same for everyone--I think a lot depends on your office politics and culture.

I'm sure there have been books written on the topic, so checking one out at the library might not be a bad idea either.

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Suasoria


Chanel

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I was thinking about this again, and I wonder if there's a way to spin it to these former peers, like, yay, "one of US" is going to have some influence upstairs." Maybe?

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nunzi182


Kate Spade

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Miss Mabel wrote:

I have been there and can only second what the others have said. You will likely move from "friends" to "friendly" with your peers as you move into management.

Congrats!


This is exactly what I was thinking too.

 



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ILoveChoo


Hermes

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Suasoria wrote:

I was thinking about this again, and I wonder if there's a way to spin it to these former peers, like, yay, "one of US" is going to have some influence upstairs." Maybe?


one of my peers was recently promoted and this is how we all see it. I was jealous for like a day, but I got over it. She deserved it and I know my time will come (full disclosure- she has been there longer than me by quite a bit, but there are other people tha have been there about the same time as her). We're all still friends.

 



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Kelly


Hermes

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It sounds like what it comes down to is that they're jealous. Yeah, it might bite for them to see that a peer was chosen over them. But *someone* had to step up to the role, and they certainly can't expect you to NOT take a promotion just to keep them from feeling bad about it, KWIM? Maybe things will be awkward for a while, but you'll probably make some new friends on the retreat!

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