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Post Info TOPIC: ugh. what did I do... (resolved - post removed)
D


Hermes

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ugh. what did I do... (resolved - post removed)
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ETA: I wrote him, "I often think of your mom, Nxxxxxx, and Rxxxxxx. Please wish them my best.

That was it. Then I deleted him from my friend list.

Thank you all so much for weighing in.  I feel much further evolved today.



-- Edited by D at 15:01, 2009-03-06

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Coach

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RE: ugh. what did I do... (long)
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Wow.

I agree with what your intuition is telling you, that's it's probably a lesson in forgiveness.

I have no clue how I would proceed, but take it easy and from as great of an emotional distance as you can.

He's definitely a messed up person, but his brain has probably developed since that happened, he may not remember the relationship with the same degree of severity as you do. That's typical of abuse. Full frontal lobe isn't even fully developed until age 25, up to age 30 in some people. Just saying, he might be happily treating you like an old friend because he literally doesn't remember the events of the past with the same gravity. His "normal" is something other.

Be glad that you are not the messed up person here, that you do remember the abuse with a clear head, that you are highly attuned, you know something of him perhaps he doesn't even know himself, and that were able to get away from him and start all over. It will probably be very healing for you to forgive him, if in spirit only, after all these years.

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Collette


Chanel

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Always forgive your enemies - nothing annoys them so much.
Oscar Wilde

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AllieGurl


Marc Jacobs

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Collette wrote:

Always forgive your enemies - nothing annoys them so much.
Oscar Wilde



my thoughts exactly.

 

Also - delete him as a friend and do not respond to him. Make your own personal peace witht the situation,nforgive the past - but do not share that with him  - it belongs to you. He does not deserve to take part in your life in any way.



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xoxo gossip girl!
Boots


Gucci

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Posts: 2925
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I also like "The best revenge is living well."

You know that your life is better now than when you were with him. We all have fantasies of showing how far we've come to the people who treated us badly in the past, but sometimes it's better to let them be fantasies, you know?

I say just delete him and go on with your great life. Know that you made the right choice all those years ago and be grateful that you had the courage to do so.

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sydney


Kate Spade

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Sounds like your starting to feel what peace could be like for you.  Resentment only hurts you, not him, and forgiveness helps you in the end, so let it go.  Doesn't mean you need to reconnect though - you may want to drop him as a FB friend so you dont stir up more bad feelings for yourself.  You don't need him to validate your sucess, you just are successful!  

Wish his mom and kids well and move on!

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nightshade


Nine West

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Send him a message tomorrow saying you often think of his daughters and mom, and ask him to wish them the best from you. Then delete him. Time to move on. You have said what is true and positive, and have left him out of the equation.

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D


Hermes

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Yes, sydney, I do think I am in the midst of a major self-discovery and am finding peace for the first time in my life.  It was the resentment that cause me to take an objective look at myself in this situation.

I am going to say just that, nightshade. Short and sweet, nothing more to be accomplished here.

Then I will delete him.  I'm going to do it right now.

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AllieGurl


Marc Jacobs

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RE: ugh. what did I do... (resolved - post removed)
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D - so glad you were able to get the resolution you needed.

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xoxo gossip girl!
sydney


Kate Spade

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Good for you D!  Its got to feel good

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