STYLETHREAD -- LET'S TALK SHOP!

kenzie · Chanel

A question

Karina · Chanel

FH has a guys night out maybe once a month - my girls' night out is like once every 3 months LOL

kenzie · Chanel

I thought my bf was being was excessive when he wants guys' night at least twice a week. I get girls' night once a month b/c everyone's busy. His friends, however, are drunk neanderthals who want him to go out with them all the time and if he won't go out, they come over and trash the house. I'm tired of dating an overgrown frat boy.

Karina · Chanel

WHOAAAAAAA twice a week is EXTREMELY excessive - IMO.

Even before Vin and I had kids, his guys' night out was still once or twice a month and we've been together since we were 18 and 20 respectively.

kenzie · Chanel

We fight about this all the time. I can't stand most of his friends b/c they are drunk slobs (like the roommate, who is supposed to be moving out in two weeks, but I see no signs of that). They trash the house and then no one cleans it up. I have started refusing to clean up after them b/c I'm not the maid service. The house seriously looks like a frat house--ratty old hand-me-down furniture, trash everywhere, that damn busted up 'bar' is still sitting in the living room, empty beer cans, dishes everywhere. I hate it. I'm so pissed at my bf right now. He went out with the guys tonight after spending all last weekend with them, too. I didn't sign up to date a 27 year old frat boy. I'm about ready to throw in the towel with him. He needs to grow up.

Karina · Chanel

quote:
Originally posted by: NylaBelle
"We fight about this all the time. I can't stand most of his friends b/c they are drunk slobs (like the roommate, who is supposed to be moving out in two weeks, but I see no signs of that). They trash the house and then no one cleans it up. I have started refusing to clean up after them b/c I'm not the maid service. The house seriously looks like a frat house--ratty old hand-me-down furniture, trash everywhere, that damn busted up 'bar' is still sitting in the living room, empty beer cans, dishes everywhere. I hate it. I'm so pissed at my bf right now. He went out with the guys tonight after spending all last weekend with them, too. I didn't sign up to date a 27 year old frat boy. I'm about ready to throw in the towel with him. He needs to grow up."

He's 27 and he's doing this crap? I'm sorry, I'm usually the bitch when I give my opinions LOL but I have to tell you that is bullshit. He needs to GROW UP. That is ridiculous. Email me if you wanna chat :)

kenzie · Chanel

Well, your response at least tells me that I'm not crazy for being upset like this for the way he's acting. His friends sit around and call me a bitch b/c I get pissed off when they trash the place. Anyway, I just PMed you.

Joina · Kenneth Cole

Hmmm... Twice a week is too much? I usually go out with my friends 3-4 times a week, and SO does the same.

Karina · Chanel

quote:
Originally posted by: Joina
"Hmmm... Twice a week is too much? I usually go out with my friends 3-4 times a week, and SO does the same. "

When FH and I were alone living together - i would go out maybe once a week to once every 2-3 weeks and him once, twice a month ... we worked a lot (and i was also in college at the time) and we didnt spend a lot of time together, so yes twice a week (TO ME) for people in a very committed relationship is a lot for me.

Andrea Julia · Coach

quote:
Originally posted by: Joina
"Hmmm... Twice a week is too much? I usually go out with my friends 3-4 times a week, and SO does the same. "

I'm not married/don't live with someone, but I agree with Joina about 2 nights not being excessive. I would expect that one night a weekend would always be devoted to "us", along with probably Sunday, and the other would be going out with friends. Most of the weekdays would be spent together, but I wouldn't mind if he went out with the guys 1 or 2 nights during the week in addition to one a weekend. I think that 2 would be excessive if the 2 nights were Friday and Saturday and you both work M-F jobs. I think that 1 night on the weekend and 1 night during the week is the perfect amount of time. I guess it's because I have been single so long and hate when friends become MIA once they settle down, but I couldn't imagine not hanging out with my friends once or twice a week. I hate how all my coupled friends have become people that I "meet for lunch to catch up" or have a "girl's night out" with once every two months. I just think you have to be exposed to many people and sources of entertainment in order to have a more full and interesting life. My friend's boyfriend BEGS her to go out with her friends alone (and she won't; nor will she let him go out with his friends) because she just attaches herself to his hip 24/7. The one thing I always think about their relationship is that they would get along so much better if they just spent a little time doing something separate.

I just read Karina's last response. I can see how it is all relative to how much time is devoted to other things (school, work, etc.). If you only have 2 nights where you are both free at the same time and he spends them both with his friends, then that is extremely excessive. I think you should spend more time with your SO than friends.

kenzie · Chanel

quote:
Originally posted by: Andrea Julia
I just read Karina's last response. I can see how it is all relative to how much time is devoted to other things (school, work, etc.). If you only have 2 nights where you are both free at the same time and he spends them both with his friends, then that is extremely excessive. I think you should spend more time with your SO than friends."

That's the problem. I work some nights and most of those nights he's at home doing nothing. Neither of us have a lot of free time and he spends most of his with the boys.

Andrea Julia · Coach

quote:
Originally posted by: NylaBelle
"That's the problem. I work some nights and most of those nights he's at home doing nothing. Neither of us have a lot of free time and he spends most of his with the boys."

I think the problem here is that he is spending that time with his friends because he wants to spend that time with friends. And when you try to make people not do things that they want to do, you run the chance of making them feel bitter toward you without you getting the result you want. What I think you need to do is think creatively: how can you make him WANT to/think it is a better idea to spend time with his friends while you aren't available anyway and spend your nights off with you? I guess some things you can do are tell him how much you love spending time with him alone/how great of a time you have together (keep it positive instead of negative) or mention that wouldn't it be more fun for him to have his immature frat friends over on the nights you work so that they don't have a woman around to "nag" them?

I hope everything goes well for you!

cc · Marc Jacobs

-- Edited by cc at 14:27, 2006-02-02

halleybird · Hermes

I think it depends on your situation. When my husband was a waiter and finishing school & I was working full-time, he went out probably 3-4 times a week after work (I was asleep anyway). After he got a full-time job, it was more like 1x/week, but now it's not even that.

I think for a guy, a lot of it depends on his friends. When my husband was waiting tables, his friends were young and either single or with girlfriends. His friends now are older than him, mostly married, and some have kids -- so they don't go out as much.