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Post Info TOPIC: Toxic friends


Coach

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Toxic friends
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I have a friend that I reconnected with on MySpace about 18 months ago. I've known her since kindergarten, but she is just vile. Racist, xenophobic, alcoholic, tells her 7 year old daughter "you're a fucking asshole", materialistic, ignorant, insensitive, unsupportive, insulting, just completely nasty. For example, my dad is really sick with diabetes and she once said "How's your dad? Is he dead yet?" Ugh. 

I was having trouble cutting her out of my life for the simple fact that i've known her since kindergarten (dumb reason). I was expressing my distress to my mom and she sent me this:

http://www.meditationsforwomen.com/dailys/111124.html

I just wanted to share. I'm at a point where I much rather have a few great friends, than a bunch of pseudo friends. I'm just seeing more clearly what a "real" friend is and i'm trying to make a commitment to be more careful about who I let into my life. I'm also starting to become more aware that a lot of men  (and women) just want admires rather than any sort of meaningful relationship. 

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Dooney & Bourke

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Eeps!  Get her out of your life. I know it's hard but there is enough negativity surrounding us without inviting it our front door's.  KWIM?

I really hope your dad can perk up, I know DM, both types, are a really rough thing to go through.  (((((((((MANY good vibes))))))))))

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Chanel

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Amen! I would extend this "toxic dump" to apply to family members as well as friends.

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Hermes

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Suasoria wrote:

Amen! I would extend this "toxic dump" to apply to family members as well as friends.




ditto.  I've dumped two "freinds" and will probably be dumping an aunt soon.  I was not close with my mother's side of the family, and it's her sister - she's done nothing but ask for my mothers possessions and most recently money since my mother died.  I was never close with her anyway, so I guess I won't be missing anything.

life is too short to spend with people you don't enjoy being around.

on the other side of the coin, I am instead focusing on building my relationships with my true friends. it's a much better use of my time and energy.



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Chanel

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Good post! I would much rather have a few friends who I consider real friends than a bunch of toxic acquaintances that I keep around just so I have a lot of people to invite to a party.

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Kate Spade

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Very good post! I'm dealing with my toxic roommate right now. I cannot wait until I never have to see her ever again!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

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Kate Spade

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kenzie wrote:

Good post! I would much rather have a few friends who I consider real friends than a bunch of toxic acquaintances that I keep around just so I have a lot of people to invite to a party.




That is so true! Most people will be around for the fun times, but it is really hard to find friends that will be around in the bad! I have alot of people that I enjoy spending time with, but only a small group of true friends. I prefer it that way.

Wicked-it sounds like this person has alot of negativity and I don't think you should punish yourself just because you have known her for years. Also I hope your dad is doing better. My dad just found out he has diabetes and I know that it is a very scary thing to deal with.

D-that is so awful when family members show up just to see what they can get from someone! I don't blame you for dumping her! Sometimes you just can not put up with people's crap, even if it is a family member.



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Kate Spade

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Ugh, your "friend" sounds dreadful! You don't need someone like that in your life. It's sad that you've known her for so long, but that shouldn't be a reason to keep her around. People change, and clearly she's changed for the worse.

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Coach

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Thanks all! You're the best!!

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Coach

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Thanks for posting this.  I have recently ended a toxic friendship and it's not an easy feeling.  It's so complicated, but ultimately it was an important key to a process I am in to have more substantial relationships all around.

Not sure how everyone else does it, but it's not like I am sure I will never talk to this girl again, I just know she will not be more than a polite acquaintance in the future and I have NO desire to point out all of my grievances with her.  I know people can change, maybe someday she will become enlightened and get the gravity of all the things she has sabotaged, but I am no longer waiting on it and that is a great relief.

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