STYLETHREAD -- LET'S TALK SHOP!

cat · Marc Jacobs

How do you let a guy know you want to date him?

honey · Gucci

i don't have any advice for you, but i feel your pain. i'm kind of in a similar situation, and trying desperately to think of ways to get this guy out of my system. the problem is everytime i see all my feelings come rushing back (like they did on friday).

anyway maybe you should just take a shot and tell him how you feel. at least he'll know and you won't drive yourself crazy thinking about the "what ifs" even if it doesn't turn out the way you want it to (but my fingers are crossed for you). hmmm-- maybe i'll take my own advice, once i work up the courage.

Andrea Julia · Coach

This is horrible advice and I know it, but it might work: get drunk and tell him. If he doesn't feel the same, just blow it off like you just said it because you were drunk.

cat · Marc Jacobs

Today I was going to take your advice and just tell him how I feel. so this morning we were walking down the hall together and I just asked him how he was doing.so he says all I ever do is go to school and work, I had to bring my stupid uniform that smells like pasta with with me because I am going to work right after shcool.I am so sick of work. I don't have any time to hang with my friends or date. Then he says I have to go talk to my teacher see you later,and he ran off.

Now I don't know what to do. Did he somehow know that I was going to tell him how I feel? Or was he just venting to me? May be he is just having a bad day, he was 5 minute's late to class this morning. Plus more confusing during class I caught him looking at me a few times.I wish I knew what to do.

crystal · Kate Spade

ok, please don't hate me, i'm only saying this cuz i saw it on oprah, but have u heard of that book "he's just not that into you"? from what the author said, a guy will go after a girl he likes no matter what. so i would think that if he hasn't asked u out by now, he's not going to & maybe it would be best to just stay friends. besides, from ur second post it sounds like he's a lil stressed & it's probably not the best time to overwhelm him w/ something like this. good luck & maybe check out that book... i know it's hard to hear but when they were reading passages from it, i would think, "oh, that guy i thought was really busy w/ work was really just not that into me, makes sense" or "hmm, that guy that said he didn't want a relationship was really just not that into me". i could think of a guy for almost every situation they described & i even found myself doing some of the stuff to guys i wasn't that into because i either didn't want to hurt their feelings or i was using them in some way. i really wanna get the book, but just that episode of oprah really changed my way of thinking. sorry to ramble, good luck!

blubirde · Chanel

Don't get me started on "he's just not that into you". If women listened to self-help books all the time, we'd be in the stone ages playing games to trick men into doing what we want. (Not that a little trickery always hurts - wink wink nudge nudge)

I think honesty is the best policy. If you like the guy, go for it and put it out there. If he's a stand-up guy, y'all can still be friends. It's better than not knowing, either way. If you need a little liquid courage, do as Andrea Julia suggested. Sometimes the best things happen when people's inhibitions are down. If I'm interested in a guy, I let him know. Sometimes he reciprocates, sometimes he doesn't. If he does, great. If he doesn't, good to know now so I can not waste my time and energy pining over someone who isn't interested.

Also, as far as him knowing what you were going to say, I doubt it. Guys are never as complicated as we interpret them to be. If it takes more than a few moments of thought, they probably didn't think it. :)

Go for it girl! Good luck and tell us what happens! You'll never learn to swim if you don't get in the deep end!

lynnie · Chanel

Is there any way you can tell him without telling him, you know? Like maybe you could invite him out to run errands with you or get some coffee, maybe to your house to watch a favorite tv show? Maybe he thinks you're too busy for him. Just ask him to hang out, he will want to if he likes you back. I think it is pretty easy to guage your chemistry simply by doing small no-pressure things together. As someone who has successfully done the friends to more than friends transition, there is a moment when you look into someones eyes and it just FEELS different for both sides- not to be corny, but its true. I would wait til you can tell he feels something too. Then start making out Hehe, jk (maybe...) Guys (me too even though I'm not a guy) sometimes get scared away by the 100% honest approach, even if they like you too. Keep it lighthearted. Give him time to think about how cute you are (you said he looks at you a lot) instead of completely putting the ball in his court. I don't like to follow the rules in general, but I really think that he should have the opportunity to pursue you some as well. Good luck!

Dizzy · Marc Jacobs

I really like Lynnie's advice, and from being on the other end of a crush, it's possible he already knows. Three mutual friends told me, so the guy with a crush on me never had to confront it. And whenever he seemed to be hinting, I just changed the subject quickly, or avoided him a bit for a while. Eventually he moved on, and we're still friends. If he'd done something overt, I would have felt really awkward, but I didn't mind casually flirting to see if it felt like something could develop. It didn't happen for me, but it might in your case... Good luck!