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Tara


Dooney & Bourke

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Yuck! - my vent
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So my boyfriend has a friend "N".  Whenever my b/f mentions N he says that she is just "so sweet" or a "really good person"  or "has led such a cool life", etc.  I think N sucks.  She is super-duper touchy-feely and creeps me out.  She always seem so fake and Hollywood-Cheesey to me.  She hugs my man in front of me all the time and seems to be drunk 100% of the time.  I know my b/f is not attracted to her and would never cheat on me, but I just cannot help but feel the pang of jealousy....


My b/f is meeting her after work for what was supposed to be a simple drink...but now N said she got tickets to a show and would like to take my b/f!  How annoying.  I think N sucks and I don't want the b/f to go...but I desperately want to be the bigger person and act very cool about the whole situation. 


How frustrating!  Thanks for listening!



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doveanunu


Dooney & Bourke

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um.....what would he do if the situation was reversed? It is great that you trust him...but the problem is that she is OBVIOUSLY after him. Even if you know he would never cheat, you don't have to be okay with him hanging out with a girl that wants him.

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crystal


Kate Spade

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what kinda show?  i mean if it's a strip show i think u have the right to say no way!  haha, i guess if it's like cavalia or something like that that isn't in town long & she doesn't have anyone to go w/ then maybe i can understand letting him go, but it's still kinda rude to invite someone w/ a SO & not invite the SO.  i think ur best bet tho is to let him go & handle it as maturely as possible.  if u trust him then there should be no problem.

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Andrea Julia


Coach

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I don't like N, either!  I think it is suspicious that she would buy 2 tickets to something and then ask your man to go.  I mean, couldn't she have asked him before buying the tickets or was she afraid that he might invite you to go to the show too if given the opportunity.  She sounds really shady to me.  I can understand why you don't like N and I'm sure it has nothing to do with trust.  I can understand what is like to not want someone who disrespects your relationship around.  It doesn't mean that you don't trust your man, it just means that you are uncomfortable about the way she is acting RIGHT NOW.  Not liking how she is acting does not mean that you think your boyfriend will be tempted to cheat with her.


I think you should take it in steps.  First, mention to him that you are not so keen on N and see how he reacts.  Then, take it from there based on his reaction.



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Tara


Dooney & Bourke

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Thanks guys!  I feel much better with the reassurance that I am not a psycho girlfriend. 


Crystal - the show is some singer/songwriter at a coffee bar somewhere in Hollywood.  And


Andrea Julia, I think you are 100% right that I don't like the obvious disrespect to our relationship!  Perhaps if I emphasize the fact that N does not respect us together he won't think i am just being a stupid jealous girlfriend.


The bottom line is that my b/f is just too nice of a person and assumes that everyone has good intentions all the time!  He is such a cute little jaded boy!



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Escrime


Kate Spade

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quote:
Originally posted by: Tara
"The bottom line is that my b/f is just too nice of a person and assumes that everyone has good intentions all the time!  He is such a cute little jaded boy! "

I would be irritated too.  You're not psycho (unless we all are ). 


My husband is the exact same way.  He is way too nice and expects the best out of people, while I am a bitter cynic. 



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Dizzy


Marc Jacobs

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I think I'm N for a friend of mine's fiance, and I hadn't realized how it looked to her... I just sort of wondered why she didn't seem to like me much. Honestly, the real N could be scheming, but she might also just be clueless.

Have you tried hinting to the girl? She might pick up on it, if she's innocent, and as long as it's a hint, she can't tell your boyfriend that you talked to her (which she would if she's not innocent...)

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e_doli


Dooney & Bourke

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i think it it totally rude for a friend of the opposite sex to do something like that.  you are not psycho.  i would be pissed.  when people do stuff like that, it makes me think that they think their friendship is more important than the relationship and they are superior to the girlfriend.  (like "he's with her, but i'm his FRIEND... i'm cooler, he'd rather hang with me")


I HATE THAT.  my bf has more female friends than i would like, and while i am not threatened by any of them (they're pretty much all unattractive in a number of ways) it pisses me off to no end when they have to have private hang out time. 


the thing i have noticed is that as soon as these girls get envolved in a relationship, they don't need to hang alone with my boyfriend anymore. 


next time he says he's going to do something with N, you should just pretend that you think he means that you both are going.  be like "great, i can't wait" and then just go along.  if he actually tries to say you can't come, be like "but why?  i love to (insert activity).  what's going on that i cannot be there too?"  being male, he will probably want to avoid the long discussion that is inevitably coming and give in.  and it will be priceless to see N's face when you show up too. 


 



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RyanJ


Coach

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quote:
Originally posted by: doveanunu
" It is great that you trust him...but the problem is that she is OBVIOUSLY after him. Even if you know he would never cheat, you don't have to be okay with him hanging out with a girl that wants him."

I agree w/ doveanunu. I don’t think you are being crazy and if this bothers you then tell him. I am not a jealous girlfriend at all, but I would not feel comfy letting my boyfriend hang out w/ a girl that was into him. It just gets too risky and I don’t think it is worth it. You could consider hanging out w/ the 3 of you, but I would not let him hang out w/ her if you are not there.



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I don’t want no part of your tight-ass country-club, you freak bitch!
blink


Coach

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I am not a psycho.  But I would definitely consider N to be a threat if I were in your shoes.  Watch your back.



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"Go either very cheap or very expensive. It's the middle ground that is fashion nowhere." ~ Karl Lagerfeld
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