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Post Info TOPIC: keeping in touch with ex boyfriends


Hermes

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keeping in touch with ex boyfriends
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So...do you girls do it? How does your current BF/DH (if you have one) feel about it? How do you feel about your BF/DH doing so?

I'm just curious about what you ladies feel about it. I started thinking about the topic because an ex (who I don't ever see socially) recently called me out of the blue and tried to take me out to dinner for my birthday, and I declined because I'm dating someone and thought it would be disrespectful. He tried to convince me that I was wrong (but of course I disagreed). He is currently in a relationship, too.

I guess my answer to this question is that I generally don't keep in touch with exes (other than saying hi if I run into them at a party or a bar), but I do have an exception that BF and I have talked about and agree upon (because we had been friends for so long before we dated, and after we broke up we were friends a long time again before I even met BF). If I did make dinner plans with another ex I know BF would be upset about it. I would be upset if BF met up with an ex, less because it's something I usually get hung up on in relationships and more because I know it's a big deal to him so I don't think he would do it unless he was intentionally trying to be mean (which of course I don't think he'll do)

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Kate Spade

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I think that it would be weird for an ex to take you out alone on your birthday, especially if he is in a relationship. In general, if I was dating someone, I probably would be upset if he wanted to take his ex out to dinner alone. I also wouldn't really want him calling her or spending any kind of one-on-one time (it's just so easy to slip back into whatever, you know?)
Now that I've written that, it looks controlling, and I'm not the jealous type at all, but that just sounds like a recipe for trouble to me.

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Chanel

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Hermione wrote:

I think that it would be weird for an ex to take you out alone on your birthday, especially if he is in a relationship. In general, if I was dating someone, I probably would be upset if he wanted to take his ex out to dinner alone. I also wouldn't really want him calling her or spending any kind of one-on-one time (it's just so easy to slip back into whatever, you know?)
Now that I've written that, it looks controlling, and I'm not the jealous type at all, but that just sounds like a recipe for trouble to me.



Ditto. If anything, I would say you all should go out to dinner (him, his girlfriend, you and your bf). But that just might be weird and awkward.

 



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Marc Jacobs

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In general, I don't keep in touch with exes.  Once in a while I'll bounce a message back and forth with an ex who is now on myspace, but that's it. 

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Gucci

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I don't. My ex and I agreed to try and be friends which lasted about 2 seconds before he got pissed off at me (loooong story). After being together long term (in our case 7.5 years) I just don't think its possible.

My bf has some ex's on Facebook which tends to irritate me a little. One or two send him all these spam messages (you know they kind that are "Your my friend!" Sparkles, teddy bears, etc). But there is one who I don't know, I've never met and she blocked me. Have no idea why? She married but she still sends my bf messages privately. It annoys me a little just because blocking me seems a little suspicious, you know? Not quite sure what to make of her.

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Coach

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This really depends on the person. I talk to/email one of my exes a few times a year and see another one maybe once or twice a year, usually alone, never with my BF. I went several years without even talking to either of them but now we can be friends. My BF always makes some sort of stupid comment but other than that, he doesn't care because he knows those guys are history and don't even compare to him anyway.

I have never experienced BF talking to his exes because he has absolutely no interest in it.

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Chanel

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Some yes, some no. Over time my DH has thankfully become cool with it, well, all but one, but that one currently lives on another continent. He pops up on the 24-hour news channels from time to time and it bugs DH that I want to watch him be interviewed.

One of our best "couple friends" is an ex-FWB and his wife. I have another ex who we see socially, and he and DH get along freakishly well - they'll stay up til 4 AM drinking and talking politics, religion, etc.

I have an ex-GF who is still my best friend after almost 20 years, and once in a blue moon DH feels threatened in a different way. Then there are some friends I've "known" in the biblical sense (eons ago), but there's no reason I can think of that DH should know about it.

Ironically, he has not kept in touch with any exes.

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Hermes

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I think if you were friends with the ex either before or after you dated them, then fall into the friends category instead of the ex category.  Nothing wrong with keeping in touch with friends in my book.

Otherwise, why would you want to keep in touch with an ex?  They're an ex for a reason, right?  I guess it would depend on the situation, the circumstances of the breakup, etc.  I think it's cool when an ex is friends with both you and your SO, but I'd assume that would illicit a group/couple invite instead of a one-on-one invite.

ttara123 - it sounds to me like your ex was trying for something, which IMO would have likely been inappropriate considering you're both in relationships.  So I think you were right to be suspicious and decline!

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Hermes

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I was never really serious with the guys I dated and I haven't really kept in touch with them either, except for the occasional myspace/facebook friend-ing. But I think in general, if you reversed the situation and genuinely put yourself in the other person's shoes, how would it look? Would you be hurt in that case? If so, then it's a no-no. If not, then it's probably okay. I agree that the ex taking you out to dinner for your b-day is just a little weird. I'd pass on that one. smile.gif

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Chanel

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meh.  I am on good terms with my exes , but hate having them around in my life. 

However, if one asked me out to dinner, it would of course be platonic and I'd go if I wanted to.  I don't think that's rude or offensive to a current bf.  There would be nothing to hide.  But that's only because there wouldn't be lingering feelings on my end.  I am actually at this weird point in my life where I have absolutely no regretfulness or wistfullness towards past relationships.  No feelings of "the one that got away."  It's a nice place to finally be (after years of longing for various people), but can be lacking in poetry sometimes :)

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Chanel

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Depends on the kind of ex. I'm still friends with a lot of guys that were just casual things here and there, nothing serious. But I'm not friends with any of my serious exes. And if my bf wanted to have dinner alone with his one, really serious ex-gf, I'd be majorly upset. I'd like to think I'm not a jealous person, and maybe I'm not because I'm 100% sure nothing would ever happen, but maybe I am because it would still really bother me.

So anyway. I think it's shady he wanted to take you out for your birthday on your birthday all alone, even though you said you weren't very comfortable with it. It's even more uncomfortable because he tried to make you think you were being ridiculous by wanting to respect your boyfriend's feelings and not going out on such a special day with an ex.



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Dooney & Bourke

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ttara you and I have been on the same page lately lol. I was just thinking about this and going to post it lol. I don't keep in touch with ex's but DH has recently been talking to a few of his on myspace (who are all married) and it somewhat irritates me, but at the same time I know they are married with kids and so is he and I know we are all adults. He seems to think it's wrong for me to be upset by it saying I should trust him enough to know better especially considering the whole everybody's married part. I don't know...it's just wierd to me I guess.hmm

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Coach

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I don't, but that's not to say I wouldn't, if the circumstances allowed.  All my exes are either awful men I would never want to see again and they nice ones live across the country and I have no idea how to find them anyway, with their ridiculously common surnames. 

If I WERE to reach out to an ex, I would totally try to befriend their girlfriend or wife too, to not do so is just so dismissive and kind of rude...maybe your ex should have offered to have dinner with you and your current boyfriend.

The whole question depends on the communication between yourselves and each others significant others.  It can be appropriate, especially if you are both single, but most of the time, it's emotionally charged if there are new relationships involved. 

Sort of related...I am of the opinion that exes who share children can keep in touch, can meet for dinner, etc., assuming they get along, and that they should seek future significant others who can be okay with that.



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