STYLETHREAD -- LET'S TALK SHOP!

I do see it from multiple perspectives.

For example when I got married I was still a teenager and I honestly didnt own a vacum , dishes etc. So all of the things I got at my shower not only did I need, but I could not afford.

On the flip side ... I think that to many people with limited connection to the bride get invited to the bridal shower. THAT IS LAME.

If your close friends , sisters, mom , aunt etc want to come to the shower and bring a small gift - wonderful. If you have 100 women at your shower and most of them have limited contact with you , then its over the top.

I personally HATE the idea of the multiple shower. The bridal shower & NOW THE LINGERIE SHOWER. PULEZZZZ , so now I have to buy you pots and panties? Pick one or the other girl!

I absolutely hate them.  All of the ones I've been to have been at catered events, a back room party of some sort so you know it is expensive to throw.  I hate the stupid traditions of playing bingo and winning a crappy prize (white candle of some sort usually).  I hate the cheesy wicker chair that the bride sits in and I hate the stupid hat that she wears with all of the bows collected from each present.  (Is this a regional thing?)

I also agree with what was said above, most of the people whose showers I've been to were well settled, already had most of the household items they needed but felt the need to register for things like silver cake cutters and crystal vases.  They register for $450 cake mixers but they don't even cook.  My brother told me that Bed Bath and Beyond takes back registery gifts in exchange for cash so alot of brides seem to register for expensive gifts knowing they can turn it to cash.

I like the idea of celebrating for a friend but it gets very greedy sometimes.

-- Edited by XtinaStyles at 13:59, 2008-06-14

I understand the thought that showers can get out of control and 100% agree with it. However, I have lived on my own for many years and so has my fiance. We each have our own stuff. The point of registering, at least for us, is to get plates, glasses, etc that are ours. The merging of things, as I am very quickly learning, is complicated and hard. So having the opportunity to get things together is great for us.

I am building a house (almost complete- yay!!!) and people keep asking if I am having a house warming party. My response has been no bc I am getting married so (although I wouldn't have one even if I wasn't) and don't want people to feel they have to get me stuff.

My rule, whether correct or not, is to get the couple one present. If I am invited to a bridal shower I get them a gift them, but do not bring one to the wedding. If I am not invited to a bridal shower I take one to the wedding. However, I still bring something to bachelorette parties.

All in all, I find weddings to be very expensive for all people- guests and the couple. I am now realizing how nice people are to provide food and drink at receptions. But, as someone who has spent more money than I care to calculate on gifts, I think it's very nice for people to give presents and multiple ones are not necessary!!

I think showers are ok---although I think it can get a bit excessive in terms of gift giving (especially for poor folks like me).  Perssonally, I did not buy off the registry and only bought what I could afford.  I plan on making the big purchase for the actual wedding.  What I think I dislike the most about a shower is the actual opening of the presents.  Way too time consuming, and quite honestly, I could do without.  Also, its slightly embarassing to open gifts, especially when not everyone can afford to buy expensive gifts off the registry.  At the last bridal shower I went to, I literally sat there for an Hour AND A HALF watching the bride opening presents. 

I don't know... I've been to a few showers (baby and wedding) over the years and with a few exceptions, I've found them to be an okay experience. Some are more fun than others, of course, but I like to see the other sides of people who are getting married or having babies, i.e. their family who I hardly ever see or have never met, their friends from work, neighbors, etc.

I like silly games about what's in your purse, celebrity couples, wedding night phrases, and so on. I mean they're cheesy but sometimes it's nice to chill out and enjoy the experience of a couple putting together a new life in some form or fashion (wedding or kid). I like to see what gifts they get too, even though I'll admit that can be boring if there are a lot of gifts and annoying if someone gives something you got.

With exceptions of people I don't know that well, I consider invites to showers to mean I'm wanted there. I buy one present for babies and weddings, so it's not a gift thing. They'll either get it at the wedding, the shower, or in the mail.

So I see what you girls are saying about gift hording but I don't think all showers are like that. FWIW, tacky people are tacky no matter what, shower or not.

I hate showers. For the last wedding I was in the bride had THREE. She and her now-husband had already been living together for 5 or 6 years, had already bought a house, and obviously already had all the neccessities. PLUS they had a housewarming party when they first moved in. Frankly I became disgusted with the whole process. I think people feel a sense of entitlement these days, and expect friends, family, etc to buy them lots of expensive gifts.

Showers and wedding gifts were originally intended to provide couples who were just embarking on a life together with the necessities for that new home/life together. In this day and age, I think it's a ridiculous custom when so many people already possess these things / have been living on their own or together before getting married. I've found that my friends and aquaintances view their weddings as an excuse to register for ridiculously expensive and useless things. I would much prefer to choose a gift that I felt honored their commitment to each other, or gave them something to enjoy together - a massage, nice dinner out, etc.

I understand there's frustration of feeling like you're being shaken down for multiple gifts. No question, that's tacky and greedy.

We were in our 30s when we got married, and also owned a house, but I can honestly say we had not bought ourselves a great many nice things (actually not just nice things, but many many things). Basically we were house-poor for a long time, and while it might have seemed like we had everything we needed, we were really just making do. So the wedding gifts were hugely appreciated, because we could finally replace the hand-me-down cookware and dull knives and mismatched flatware and barely functional appliances from our single years.

People gave us gifts with insane amounts of joy, because it was like "Finally! They're getting married! Halleluiah! We've been waiting for this news for years!!"

But basically what I'm saying is I don't see a reason to penalize or snub a couple just because they're older and/or have been living together for a while before marriage. I suspect lots of people in this situation are holding off on purchases in light of mortgages, student loans, and so on.

And we gave all our old kitchen crap to a friend in her 20s who was moving into her first apartment...mwahaha.

I'm torn. Basically all of the showers I've attended have been for women in their early 20s, so even if they didn't live with their parents anymore, they were still scraping by. I live on my own and while I do have cooking & baking & homewares stuff, it's basically just whatever I bought from the supermarket, or ikea, or wal-mart, or wherever else it was cheapest. If I got engaged tomorrow, I could certainly survive without registering for presents, but it would be a big help to have some good things. Plus (and this may be really horrible reasoning), if I didn't have a shower it wouldn't feel fair after I spent so much money on all my friends and family. I guess that's the cycle.

I usually buy a small gift for the shower (like $30) and buy something off the registry a bit more expensive (about $60-70) and have it sent to her house before the wedding as the actual "wedding present." But I just had a discussion with BF about gift giving yesterday, and he thinks my family and I are big cheapstakes when it comes to the amount we spend on presents, so maybe that sounds ridiculously low for the rest of you

Still, for people who *can* afford the nicer stuff or are in a life stage where they've filled their houses with stuff they bought themselves, I feel silly buying them presents. I recently attended a wedding for a couple in their 50s. I was delighted for them that they found each other, but they are both so well along in their careers (they'll be retiring in a decade), and have lived in their houses and furnished them completely years ago, that I felt weird buying them a chip dip bowl. I mean, they probably already have at least two in each one of their houses. Did they just want a new one? I know them well, and they certainly don't need financial help in setting up their new home. And now I feel like a bitch for feeling that way. ugh.

But seriously, some presents people register for are ridiculous. A $300 gravy boat? If you have expensive taste and the money to go with it, then knock yourself out. But I can't buy that and when all I can afford is two forks, I feel ridiculous. All my friends and (most of) my family aren't going to look down on me because I don't have the funds to buy them more, and I know they're all just happy to share this fun time with me. But there's still no way to wrap up two forks that can ever look that good.

-- Edited by ttara123 at 11:57, 2008-06-23

-- Edited by ttara123 at 12:00, 2008-06-23

Jaclyn, I think no wedding = no shower. However, people would probably feel compelled to bring gifts to a party/reception after the fact.

I don't see asking for gifts from loved ones, no matter how subtly or indirectly, when you're not doing anything to include them in your milestone. You can send out announcements in the mail, or your mother can, but at that point the odds are probably less than 50/50 that people would send a gift.