STYLETHREAD -- LET'S TALK SHOP!

Suasoria · Chanel

Talking to your parents about their "estate"

Starstuff · Kenneth Cole

I think about this too -- I know in Suze Orman's book "Women and Money" she has a whole chapter dedicated to this topic. As you well know, there are a ton of taxes and all sorts of beaucratic things that can be encountered when trying to claim an inheritance, but that also can be avoided if arranged ahead of time -- Suze lays everything out very clearly, and even talks about how to talk to your parents about this. I recommend checking it out.

Jahni · Dooney & Bourke

I was very upfront about it with my parents. I sat them down and basically said... look, this is what WILL happen if you die without a will, and this is what COULD happen (insert all bad and horrible things that could happen i.e. my crazy crooked grandfather getting a part of the estate, the state taking more than what they could be entitled to and other bad familiy situations.

Then I gave them the name of another lawyer who does estate planning.

And I would like to say that they rushed off and drafted a will...but no. But at least they talk about it more....sigh.

Hermes

I was fortunate that my mother took care of everything ahead of time. Adding my name to her bank accounts and as a beneficiary to any investments has helped a lot. She did have a will and named me as her executrix, so that helped as well. I do wish she had placed my name on the title of the house (my father has done this with his house) no big beans, but I'm going to have to be approved to assume the mortgage. Fortunately, the mortgage balance is only like 19,000, so if I have to pay it off I could do that, but I'd prefer to assume her $200/mo. mortgage payments until it's sold. In regard to her boyfriend, she left him her car and that was in the will. My mother spent something like $2500 for a will and power of attorney papers, but that was several years ago.

Anyway, it's never a fun subject to talk about, but it's a part of life and it's better to be prepared than not be prepared. You could tell her that for all you know you could be hit by a Mack truck tomorrow, and knowing how unexpectedly life can end, you are intending to make sure you have written a will out to make sure everything is covered, and thought it might be a good idea for her to do the same... just a suggestion...

blubirde · Chanel

My first advice is to tread very carefully with a living trust. You can find a ton of financial services people who will do one for free but DO NOT USE SOMEONE WHO IS NOT A LAWYER. I can't stress this enough. And beware of lawyers too. I can't tell you how many cases of financial fraud I deal with everyday that started with a living trust. Really do your research before you talk with your mom to decide what would be best in your/her situation. (Or research with her, whatever.) Just don't do anything without knowing exactly what you're doing and what every consequence can be.

Second, I think you should just be honest with her. Your situation with your dad is a perfect opportunity to bring the subject up. Tell her your concerns and present her with the research you've already done and see what she says. Could you perhaps pay for a lawyer for her? It might suck to do that but it might save you in the long run.

You don't really need a lawyer to do a will. There are tons of resources available for you to do it yourself, but going the lawyer route is definitely the easiest.

My third piece of advice in all of this is to consider suggesting long term care insurance if she doesn't have any already. I know you weren't asking about this but if you are going to go to all the trouble of discussing a will, a power of attorney, etc., you might as well discuss this too. I don't know your financial situation but I'm assuming you don't have a ton of money to be spending on elder care. It's a touchy subject, I know, but I, for one, cannot afford to give my parents care if something happens to one/both of them at some point in the future, even if it's a temporary situation. LTC ins. makes sure a person can afford to have in-home care, a decent assisted living, prolonged physical therapy, etc. The need may never arise but if it does, and since you're talking about touchy subjects already, why not have the insurance? This is a little off base of your question - sorry. I've recently had discussions with my parents about stuff like this so it's on my mind.

Good luck.

Suasoria · Chanel

My understanding based on trying to sort out my dad's estate is that the only way to avoid having to go through probate is a living trust. A will doesn't prevent you from having to go through a protracted court probate, it just makes it more cut and dried.

I will look for the book you suggest, Starstuff. I think the smart thing might be for DH and I to pony up for an attorney and tell her she's got no choice but to smile and go along with it.

Long-term care insurance is an excellent suggestion. My in-laws have it, although they moan about the cost. Unfortunately my mom can't even afford basic medical insurance right now. Despite the fact that her house is worth quite a bit, she and her BF live relatively hand-to-mouth. He will have an opportunity to add her to his health insurance this fall during the enrollment window, and hopefully it won't cost them an arm and a leg.

greendiamond · Marc Jacobs

You are right, a livig trust eliminates the probate procedure.

http://www.completetrusts.com/trust_vs_will.html

The above link is to a chapter of a Suze Orman book that easily explains wills and trusts. The outline makes it look really long, but it is short and very easy reading. Perhaps your mom could read the top portion as part of the way to help convince her to take action.

I think the best idea is to cover her legal costs to draw up the trust. It will save you a lot of time and money in the end.