STYLETHREAD -- LET'S TALK SHOP!

Lola · Dooney & Bourke

meeting guys on the internet...

lsubatgirl · Gucci

Bring a friend and have them bring a friend so that way if it gets weird you and your friend at least have each other. My roommate and I did this a few times in college and we finally quit when she realized that all she was going to meet were mideastern foreign types and they weren't her type.

Lola · Dooney & Bourke

hmmm...is this how people typically do this? Bring a friend? I have no clue. It just seems like a lot of trouble to go through. I was just thinking a quick coffee. In and out. I have all their numbers too and I said that I would call first to chat. I didn't give out my phone number tho!

lsubatgirl · Gucci

Well we were younger and believed in safety in numbers but if you are going to a populous place then I would think you would be ok. I have a guy harassing me for my number and he's in cali! I keep brushing him off with stalker stories.

Andrea Julia · Coach

quote:
Originally posted by: Lola
"hmmm...is this how people typically do this? Bring a friend? I have no clue. It just seems like a lot of trouble to go through. I was just thinking a quick coffee. In and out. I have all their numbers too and I said that I would call first to chat. I didn't give out my phone number tho!"

I think it is fine. Just make it a very public place at a time where a lot of other people will be around. A quick coffee sounds good. I would probably budget in an hour for it and tell him before we even go that I have something I have to do afterward. This will keep you from having to hang around longer if he's a loser.

I think bringing a friend is a very good idea, but I don't know if I would personally do that. I think it would make me feel like I was under more pressure. I would have to get to know the guy while worrying if my friend was having a good time. I don't even like to introduce guys I just met to my friends because I just feel more comfortable getting to know them one on one for the first couple dates.

The one time I went on a date with someone I didn't know already, this is what I did:

First of all, I spoke to him on the phone a lot (which could be a bad thing if you don't like him in person-harder to explain why you don't like him in person if you like him on the phone). When we decided to meet, I told my friend what I was doing and told her that I would tell this guy I had plans for the night and we could only meet for dinner. I then arranged for her to call me at a certain time. If I was having a good time, I would act like she was cancelling on me and hang out with him longer and if it sucked I would just act like she was telling me where to meet up or whatever (we didn't really have plans. She had a young baby and was definitely not going out). So, after about a half hour, I was getting along with this guy so well that I told him the plan. So, when she called, he started laughing at me. He couldn't understand how I didn't know I would like him when I had talked to him a bunch on the phone and had seen what he looks like. We ended up dating for a month, but it didn't work out in the end.

crystal · Kate Spade

i did this before and it worked out pretty good. the guy ended up being even hotter IRL but we didn't really have much chemistry so it didn't work out. when we first met tho it wasn't weird. it was as if a friend set us up on a blind date or something, which is still kinda awkward (sp?) but not horrible. on a side note, he was a tad older than me but had a brother my age as a roomate who was even hotter (looked just like brandon boyd of incubus, after the dreads & before the shaggy unkemptness) & liked to run around in his boxers. sigh!

oh, and ps, i met him in an alley!! it's not as freaky as it sounds (it was middle of the day 1st of all), but what i'm trying to say is this kinda thing is not as uncommon as some think so just go for it!

cc · Marc Jacobs

i met a guy from friendster. he sent me a message and we wrote back and forth for maybe a month. then he saw me at a party (i didn't see/recognize him) and i guess he liked what he saw because the next day he emailed me and asked if i wanted to hang out. we wound up meeting on a night that i had plans to go out with friends, so i met him and we just walked around the east village for an hour or so. then i told him that i had to go meet my friends. i guess if we had really hit it off, i would have brought him but 1) his picture was very very deceptive and 2) i didn't even feel enough chemistry to want to be friends with him. he called me a few days after we met and wanted to hang out again but i was really busy that week and then i wrote back to him but he must have sensed my disinterest because he never responded. i've actually seen him a few times and totally ignored him. the other week i was trying to hide in this bar for an hour. (oh, i wasn't ignoring him because i'm a bitch, it's just that the first few times i saw him, i wasn't sure if it was him or not and he didn't say hello so now i feel like i can't suddenly acknowledge his presence when i see him cause that would make me seem mental).

i think just meeting for coffee sounds good. just try to make it seem like you have a really busy schedule and you can only squeeze him in for an hour in between plans.

blubirde · Chanel

Girl! Cosmo says 1 out of 3 single people go online to meet people. I've met quite a few people through friendster, myspace, etc. They're generally really cool.

I've done the whole "go with a friend" thing and it sucks ass. Yeah, you have a backup but you also have a distraction. I took a friend with me once and that was enough. When I'm meeting someone for the first time, I think it's important to not have a friend who will 1) take attention away from yourself and whoever you're meeting and 2) be that involved in an impression you are trying to make, an impression you're trying to get, etc.

Just go alone, in a public place, and meet for drinks of some sort. I usually meet people for the first time while having some other plans the same night. Like on a Friday when I have happy hour plans and can meet the new person after or I can meet the new person for a happy hour and then go meet my friends afterwards. Or during the week at the local coffee place/wine bar - whatever you like. I prefer a drink or two to kill the nerves. It's like a blind date.

As long as you go into it with friendly vibes, as opposed to "this is a date" vibes, they're fine and mostly fun! I've only had a couple bad experiences and they were just bad because the guy and I did not jive at all.

I recommend at least a couple phone calls beforehand but not too, too many. Because you start to get an impression of someone before you've even met them and that can be bad. You think he's really cute and he's not. Or you think he's suave and turns out he's not. Or whatever!

Just be safe and don't go into it with expecations and you'll have a good time. If they're entertaining on myspace and on phone calls, chances are they're entertaining in real life, even if they aren't "the one."

Good luck!

LexNVA · BCBG

Well, I met my boyfriend of 1yr and 4 months off of the internet. I really feel in my case it was meant to be, because he didn't even live in my area, he lived about 2 hours away. So, it would've been hard for us to cross paths any other way. The funny thing is that to this day we lie to our family about how me met because of the way that they would probably react. But, I love him a lot and see marriage in our future!

tri_sarah_tops · Marc Jacobs

quote:
Originally posted by: LexNVA
"Well, I met my boyfriend of 1yr and 4 months off of the internet. I really feel in my case it was meant to be, because he didn't even live in my area, he lived about 2 hours away. So, it would've been hard for us to cross paths any other way. The funny thing is that to this day we lie to our family about how me met because of the way that they would probably react. But, I love him a lot and see marriage in our future! "

I met my husband on the internet. I was in Japan and he was in FL, so it's kind of odd how everything ended up happening. But anyway, we dated for a year, got married and now we've been married for just over a year. I used to lie to people about how we met, because I was afraid of the reaction but I've realized that it's actually pretty common now and dating someone you met on the net does not make you a "geek" or a "loser." (For awhile I was so scared that someone would find out and what little social status I had would be gone!) I can't remember if I ever told my mom how we really met, but I guess it's a moot point now since everyone knows we're really happy

Seagal · Nine West

I would go for a coffee, definitely...my friends have had some luck meeting nice guys on myspace. But be careful...one friend showed up for a date and the guy just wanted a booty call.

scarlett · Marc Jacobs

I haven't met any guys from the internet, but I have made a couple of really close friends that way (over the Lucky forum almost three years ago). From my friends who have done internet dating, I've heard to not talk on the phone too much before meeting because you may get along really well on the phone, spend a lot of time talking, but then not click when/if you meet in person. And like other posters have noted, pick a shortish activity like getting coffee for your first meeting, and have a definite end point in sight that could be dismissed if you really hit it off.

If you are really nervous about meeting the person, maybe you could have a friend sitting in the same coffee shop anonymously within sight of you? Then they could be there in case you start to feel uncomfortable.

Andrea Julia · Coach

So, did you meet any of them yet?

Lola · Dooney & Bourke

I'm meeting one this Friday, wish me luck!!!

I'm supposed to meet another this week, but I lost interest and don't know how to let him down now...I'm so bad at these things...

Then there is Osten that I didn't meet, and am kinda glad that I didn't after finding out what a loser he was on the show (never watched it) though it still would have been interesting.

Then there is the guy who I went to CCD w/ and went to my college that is really nice but, I know I'm not interested in in that way, so it's just kind of a waste of time and i'm avoiding him now too.

and then there is this other guy who lives in NYC but travels my way frequently to see his family who I *may* meet up for coffee...

but my main target is the man I am meeting this Fri! ;) Wish me luck! He is so cute and he is 23! I have never dated a younger guy and I am sooo excited to meet him! We talked a couple times on the phone already, he is really cool. :) It is my first date w/ after my breakup LAST MARCH!!! I'm so overdue...

rlutz · Chanel

I met my fiancee on the internet...match.com.....Our paths would have never crossed otherwise...

scarlett · Marc Jacobs

have fun on friday, lola!

dot · Marc Jacobs

I feel like it's really common now for people to meet from online. I say go for something public. Maybe meeting for coffee and seeing how it goes from there. If you get the creeps you can just leave.

Good luck with your date on Friday! Be sure to post and let us know how it goes.

ps what are you going to wear?!

dot · Marc Jacobs

quote:
Originally posted by: rlutz
"I met my fiancee on the internet...match.com.....Our paths would have never crossed otherwise...
"

I know alot of great relationships that started on match! Including my late 50's recent divorcee co-worker... who's MALE!

Lola · Dooney & Bourke

quote:
Originally posted by: dot
"I feel like it's really common now for people to meet from online. I say go for something public. Maybe meeting for coffee and seeing how it goes from there. If you get the creeps you can just leave. Good luck with your date on Friday! Be sure to post and let us know how it goes. ps what are you going to wear?!"

It got bumped to Sunday, but that's still cool! We're going to meet at a coffee shop. I can't wait! He's too cute! And I don't know WHAT to wear...i think i'm going to keep it simple since it's on a Sunday and we're meeting at a coffee shop. Either my knee hi black boots and a jean pencil skirt w/ black turtleneck, or a boatneck michael stars aqua blue top w/ my rock and republic jeans and boots...my two standby outfits...decisions, decisions... ;) I'll let ya'll know how it goes!!!

lsubatgirl · Gucci

Which myspace guy is this? We might need to check out his profile for you to make sure he's normal looking and sounding