STYLETHREAD -- LET'S TALK SHOP!

crystal · Kate Spade

How to lose a guy in 1 day?

Lola · Dooney & Bourke

oh no, hon! {{big hugs}} I would just try to be as gentile as possible, but firm in your decision at the same time. I don't know about what exactly to say...maybe it's not him it's you? That sounds lame tho...

lsubatgirl · Gucci

Just tell him you don't want to see him anymore that you just don't think its working out. As far as the anxiety thing don't think twice about it because its obviously something with him and not anything you will bring on him. Just be nice about it and get it over with quickly.

esquiress · Marc Jacobs

always a toughie. break-ups are just hard, no matter which side of it you're on. let me just ask a couple q's first--are you positive you don't like him or is there a chance that things may rekindle like they did before? also, it sounds like you don't like him because he's too into you (clingy, lovey-dovey stuff seems to be turning you off) but at the same time you question his commitment (since that divorce comment really bothered you), so i just wanna make sure this situation isn't more complicated than it sounds at first. also in my experience/observation, break-ups never take on the first try--you always have to break up w/ someone a couple of times (at least) before it's REALLY over.

so anyway if all you're really trying to do is ditch him before the new year, write an email or letter, explain you need some time to yourself and ask in the letter for him to not try to contact you. that way if he does try to contact you, you don't have to feel guilty about not picking up when he calls. good luck and i hope that you're able to have a happy new year regardless.

crystal · Kate Spade

well, as far as things rekindling again, pretty much the only reason they did the first time was because i felt like a bitch for not calling him back and totally blowing him off w/o an explanation. i figured i would give him a second chance since he's really a nice guy. after a few dates he asked me to be his gf but i said no. he then proceeded to ask me constantly often resorting to begging so eventually i just said yes because i thought, hey this is a really nice guy and since i'm not dating anyone else right now anyways, it won't be that hard to be monogamous. now i realize that was my first mistake. about 2 weeks later he said the L word to which i responded thank you. he says it all the time and asks me if i love him. he even says he knows that i do (which i find very annoying because i KNOW that i don't). the chemistry is just not there and we haven't even had "relations" in almost a month which, bless his heart, he hasn't even mentioned despite me turning down his every advance.

my issue w/ the divorce comment is more about his beliefs and less about his commitment to me. he also doesn't take work very seriously and he spends tons of money on himself & then complains about paying for my dinner.

overall i know i do not want to be w/ him and nothing is going to change my mind. i know what ur talking about w/ the breaking up several times thing, but that's only happened to me when i was the one being broken up w/ or when i was breaking up w/ someone that i didn't want to break up w/.

thank you ladies so much for the advice, i think i am just going to say "look, things are not working out, i am not happy, we bicker a lot & i think we should end things before it gets ugly". does this sound too harsh? any changes? thanks!

luckylily · Gucci

Ugh! Sorry crystal, but your second post makes him sound really annoying.

You don't need to make excuses or apologize. I'd just be honest with him, your not as interested in the relationship as his is and it is best that you both move on sooner rather than later. Be firm, regardless of how much he might beg you to give him another chance.

Good luck!

Kel · Coach

I think the other girls gave you some great advice. I have nothing to add b/c i am not very good at this sort of thing. But i just wanted to say good luck, and i hope everything works out the way you want it to.

Ally S · Kate Spade

I agree, everyone gave you great advice. Just tell him things aren't working out for you. Be nice, be quick about it and then stand firm. Don't worry that he might be overly emotional. Consider his feelings but they really aren't your problem in the end.

DC Shopper · Dooney & Bourke

crystal, i think what you are planning to say sounds perfect. Just do it quickly and don't feel too sorry for him. you'll both be better off. good luck. i know these kinds of things really suck to do.

crystal · Kate Spade

Thanks girls, i totally appreciate all the feedback. Today is the day and eerily (sp?) he didn't call me all day yesterday. It's almost like he knows! Anyways, thanks a million!