STYLETHREAD -- LET'S TALK SHOP!

Lola · Dooney & Bourke

advice on the ex and christmas presents...

monica · Kenneth Cole

i would meet him b/c you guys are still friends and hang out once a week. but i definitely wouldn't feel inclined to give him something back. he's interested; you really aren't. so i think it's fine for him to give you something and for you to accept it.

it's a weird time of year for exes. i've been in the position before (where i was an ex and missed my old bf during the holidays). i didn't give him anything, but i definitely thought about it. we ended up getting back together in february, and i think he even said something to me about how we didn't exchange presents for xmas even though we were broken up. basically, i just think it's a weird time and he probably just misses you.. so i'd meet him and accept it.. but again, i wouldn't feel that it was necessary to give him something.

Karina · Chanel

I wouldn't give him anything. You didn't expect a present from him, nor did you ask for one, nor are you his girlfriend and expected to give him one.

If he wants to give you a present - fine - but make it known that him giving you a present doesn't mean he will be back in your life.

Just my two cents.

Karina

Lola · Dooney & Bourke

he gave me a huge gift basket filled w/ candy and other crap for my family, then he gave me a dooney and bourke purse. And when I met him "Blue Christmas" by Elvis was playing, and I thought it was a coincidence and it was on the radio, but no, he was playing it in his cd player...how sad, I cried the whole way home. :(

Ally S · Kate Spade

No offense intended but I would not have accepted the D&B bag from him. A little thing is a token gift. It would be more of a *gesture* then anything else.

I would have turned it down and told him it was more then I could have accepted because you were no longer together.

Lola · Dooney & Bourke

Yeah Ally, No offense taken, I handed it back and said it was way too much, cuz it was. But at the same time, I didn't want to totally offend him and be a bitch and a meanie and not accept a christmas gift...either way, it sucks, but I defiantely let him know multiple times that it is too much and he should not have done it. He kept joking w/ me though and said "don't worry, it's fake, it cost nothing, i got it in china town..." he was joking though, it was in a nordstrom box w/ nordstrom tags...

there really is no best way to handle this situation. When we broke up I handed him back all the jewelry and gifts that he had given me in the four year time period that we were together (that's a LOT of gold and diamonds!, LOL!) So he knows that gifts and "things" cannot buy back my affection and this does NOT mean that we are getting back together, he knows me that well at least...

It's just all so sad, I really do still love him, and he loves me, but I don't think it could ever be the same again...I hate this situation, I keep breaking free of him and he keeps trying to reel me back in closer to him (not just through gifts, but through concern and contact w/ me) Now I'm sad again... :(

scarlett · Marc Jacobs

lola, that sounds really hard. if you've explained what happened in your relationship in other posts, i'm sorry i didn't see them. (i don't check in on this section of the forum very often.) you were in a tough spot, and since you have so much history together you obviously are trying to be very considerate and caring towards him, which says a lot of really good things about you. since i don't know the specifics of what happened between you two this may be a shot in the dark, but do you think he's trying to manipulate you at all? you mentioned that he kept drawing you back in, and that can't be an easy thing for you to deal with. to me it sounds to me like he is being a little manipulative, playing that elvis song and giving you a present for you and something for your family.