STYLETHREAD -- LET'S TALK SHOP!

domkfox · BCBG

dating, chemistry, logic, mind vs. heart, etc.

lsubatgirl · Gucci

That's a hard one. I'm leaning on the hanging out again to get to know him better before you make a decision. I mean it took me a month of hanging out with my bf on a regular basis and a month of dating before I really felt anything magical. I guess I'm not one for fireworks or sparks on a first date anyway because I'm just pretty cautious in the first month or so. I say if you think there might be something there then give it another chance. If you are repulsed by him or see that there is no way in hell then let him go.

cc · Marc Jacobs

oh man, we really are in the same boat! i guess i can't/shouldn't be giving advice since i am having the same issues.

i have definitely had chemistry develop. not necessarily physical, but i've met guys and hung out with them as friends and eventually developed giant crushes on them. but i guess in those situations, either i had never really spent that much time with the guy in the past and once i did i realized that we clicked personality-wise or i thought the guy was sort of cute to begin with and the more i got to know him, the more attracted to him i became.

this is why i can't deal with dating though. from the beginning, the goal of developing a romantic relationship is already in place so you're sort of stuck. you could try to see if he would be willing to hang out just as friends, but if he is definitely interested in you that could make things very awkward.

maybe you could just try another casual lunch or meet him for drinks. since you've already gone on one date, you might as well try it once more before giving up.

-- Edited by cc at 12:46, 2004-12-14

dot · Marc Jacobs

domfox I say give the guy a chance.... I don't think there is anything wrong with going on another date to have another feel for things. I think sometimes people put too much thought into dating. It sounds like you guys had a nice time on Sunday... so why not follow up and see if something develops. And if not, no big whoop. I say if you had a good time, why not give him another chance? Maybe he'll show you another side of himself that you will find more appealing... and if not, then forget about it.

Keep us updated.

sophie · Kenneth Cole

I have been in this situation and I'm boarder line in one now (w/ a bf of 2 yrs). Bottom line I think you should go out on one more date and see if there is any spark at all this time. BUT, if there truly is none then don't fool yourself into thinking there will be one bc you'll just end up wasting your time and treating him badly (not a fact just my own experience). This is just MO but I really think a realationship needs ALL the ingredience including lust/spark to make it work and be saticfying. Just bc he's good looking, succesful, nice, gets along w/friends, etc doesn't = spark. It's better to know this before you waste 2 yrs time and make yourself feel like a mean person for treating him bad even though your really not mean. These are my thoughts, sorry if it comes of as venting also.

Let us know what happens...

tosh · BCBG

I would agree that you should give it a little more time. Try a second casual "date" and see if anything develops. It can't hurt to see if you become more attracted to him as you get to know him better.

Mia · Kate Spade

Domkfox - I think that there is a difference between meeting someone and not feeling a spark, although they fit the bill in every way, and meeting someone who actively turns you off - negative chemistry, if you will.

After I posted a response to cc's thread I realized that the on guy in my life who I would have married was also the one guy I had known for years (2 years) and been absolutely uninterested in romantically, although I always thought he was nice. To this day I have never felt feelings for someone comparable to what I felt for him. It was different than my usual pattern - it developed very, very slowly, and went from friendship to well, I am sure it was real love. So...never say never? Give this guy a chance...?

splash · Kenneth Cole

Perhaps it's too late to weigh in on this, but I definitely think you should give him another chance. If nothing else, it sounds like he'd be a great person to know.
I actually just had a similar experience - I met this guy and ended up spending a lot of time talking to him, but wasn't sure there was anything special. He asked me to see him again, and I said yes, but just as friends for the time being. I felt like it would be best for us to take a step back from the first time we met. Since then it's developed and we're happily a couple - there isn't that irresistible physical attraction that I feel towards the occasional guy, but the chemistry has definitely increased with time.

Kenneth Cole

I'd give it a try, if I were you, i'd go out a couple of more dates...you never know.
He sound like a very good person, "marrage material".
I'd keep on dating him for a month or so, maybe one day you wake up and see the sparks.
That happened to me.

Kel · Coach

I vote to give him a chance. Go on a couple more dates and see how things develop.

Karina · Chanel

I would give him a chance! You never know what can come out of this!

JackieO527 · Dooney & Bourke

My vote is that you go out on a couple more dates with him. Sometimes things just take time. Maybe there is something from letting you from feeling sparks. Go for it, because if you dont you might miss out on a really good catch.