STYLETHREAD -- LET'S TALK SHOP!

Kitty · Hermes

I hate myself right now

esquiress · Marc Jacobs

It's okay. We've all been there. But you need to start being honest with him, because it sounds like you're treating him like a security blanket. And you know he's better than that. And more importantly, you know YOU'RE better than that. Good luck. smile

blubirde · Chanel

What's that saying? The path to hell is paved with good intentions? That whole situation sucks, Kitty. I feel for you. I'd just tell him straight out that you value his friendship and didn't want to hurt him. It'll probably sting for a bit but really, it's his issue to deal with, not yours.

Don't hate yourself. You were just trying to be nice. Be honest with him and maybe buy him a bigger bday present?

But definitely don't get bogged down in it. You really were trying to spare his feelings.

FashionPrincess · Hermes

Just tell him that given your past you weren't sure how to approach the situation, that you didn't want to hurt him but in hind sight you realized you should of been the one to tell him. Surely he'll understand.

Hermes

I'm going to echo the others in telling him you were trying to spare his feelings.

I think if you're honest with him about why, you'll have nothing to lose.

To avoid being presumptuous that it would hurt him, you can just tell him something like, "even though we are no longer in a relationship, there's a part of me that would feel a little sad if you were engaged. Not that I want us to get back together, but it's always tough to completely let go of someone that has played such a big role in your life. I guess I assumed you might react or feel the same way about it too" or something like that -- just a suggestion...

itsapinkthing · Coach

D wrote:

I'm going to echo the others in telling him you were trying to spare his feelings.

I think if you're honest with him about why, you'll have nothing to lose.

To avoid being presumptuous that it would hurt him, you can just tell him something like, "even though we are no longer in a relationship, there's a part of me that would feel a little sad if you were engaged. Not that I want us to get back together, but it's always tough to completely let go of someone that has played such a big role in your life. I guess I assumed you might react or feel the same way about it too" or something like that -- just a suggestion...

D, very well said!

Kitty if it was me I know I would feel the same. I sometimes make poor choices to avoid uncomfortable situations in friendships...I think we all do. If your friendship is important to him, he'll understand. And yes, he will be hurt, but i bet he'll come around.

NCshopper · Hermes

I really like what D said.

Don't beat yourself up over this--you did what you thought was right at the time. And also, because his response "You're getting married?" was done over facebook, you really don't know what his feelings are because there's no tone of voice. He could be really excited for you, surprised, happy, or perhaps hurt. My point is that until you talk to him a little bit more, you don't know his feelings about it, so I wouldn't necessarily presume that he's really upset.