STYLETHREAD -- LET'S TALK SHOP!

dana · Nine West

How to Handle This?

Teresa · Kate Spade

Well, first of all i would tell your husband. I would explain to him what happened. If anything, it will make him trust you more, and he will help you in the situation. (unless you are worried about him over-reacting and going over there and beating him down)

then, together, i would carefully word an email, professionally and too the point...I'm not in the working world, but couldnt this guy get fired for sexual harassment??? I think you need to maybe even speak to your boss in confidence and say you would prefer not working with him in the future. Is that possible? Good luck, we are here for you.

P.S. you have no reason to hide who you are, you did nothing wrong here. we are here for you

Jahni · Dooney & Bourke

This may be a stupid question, but have you made sure the emails aren't spam?

I've gotten porn emails from friends whose accounts were hacked...i hope that's the case here!!!

sephorablue · Marc Jacobs

yeah it sounds like his email got hit by a virus--while I wouldn't be surprised to hear that someone was hitting on you (cause guys just do that), it does seem kind of insane that he would leap right over all the more subtly inappropriate means of making his interest known and just go straight to emailing you photos of porn... or then again, he could just be that crazy. Was there any text in the emails that would inform you one way or the other whether it was a virus or he intended to send them?

dana · Nine West

Its not spam. The stuff he wrote is very specific about me and he mentioned the phone call from Monday. He said he "opted out of leaving as message as it seemed to be a home phone". I think he wanted to have some sex talk and didnt want to leave a message where my husband might hear it.

at least one of the pictures is called "me on the floor" and I think hes sent me pictures of himself.

There isnt a HR department or anything. I am a contractor. He is just as able to do trade shows as I am and we will probably end up at other trade shows though hopefully not working so closely together.

I have guy friends and we sometimes have a flirty relationship but thats it. My husband is okay with that but he would not be okay with this and I am not either. I don't want to make this guy mad so that things are awkward in the future but I want to be clear that I am not available and his um, comments are out of line

Hermes

considering you have to work with this guy in the future...

I would respond to one of the emails something like (play dumb):

"This is really embarrassing, but I think you sent me some emails you intended to send to your wife since it would be completely inappropriate to send these to me. Just thought I'd let you know! Thanks!"

Cricket · Gucci

I'd tell your husband, first of all. If he finds out later, he'd be upset that you kept it from him. It's not your fault, so just tell him. I'd email this jerk back and tell him to leave you the f*#k alone, and tell him that your husband knows. Otherwise he may not get the message. Don't take this lightly. This dude has some serious issues to send these emails unprovoked to someone he just met. I wouldn't even be civil to him.

KaffeeKlatsch · Marc Jacobs

I would definitely go with D's approach.

Metric · Gucci

Cricket wrote:

I'd tell your husband, first of all. If he finds out later, he'd be upset that you kept it from him. It's not your fault, so just tell him. I'd email this jerk back and tell him to leave you the f*#k alone, and tell him that your husband knows. Otherwise he may not get the message. Don't take this lightly. This dude has some serious issues to send these emails unprovoked to someone he just met. I wouldn't even be civil to him.

I totally agree. That kind of behavior doesn't deserve a kind let-down. I would not stand for it and would not brush it off. Definitely tell your hubby.

Teresa · Kate Spade

D wrote:

considering you have to work with this guy in the future...

I would respond to one of the emails something like (play dumb):

"This is really embarrassing, but I think you sent me some emails you intended to send to your wife since it would be completely inappropriate to send these to me. Just thought I'd let you know! Thanks!"

I disagree. completely. I spoke with my dad, he owns a small company and he said that guy could be fired on the spot. (especially if he is using company email.) it is inappropriate and definitiely covers grounds of sexual harassment. This guy knows its inappropriate, your married for heavens sake.

Jamsicle · BCBG

I absolutely agree with collegegirl. The guy sounds completely out of control and you can make this a better world through your actions. If I were you I would report him to the company that has hired you guys for harassment. I really feel bad that you had to go through this and I especially feel sorry for his fiance.

Hermes

collegegirl5858 wrote:

D wrote:

considering you have to work with this guy in the future...

I would respond to one of the emails something like (play dumb):

"This is really embarrassing, but I think you sent me some emails you intended to send to your wife since it would be completely inappropriate to send these to me. Just thought I'd let you know! Thanks!"

I disagree. completely. I spoke with my dad, he owns a small company and he said that guy could be fired on the spot. (especially if he is using company email.) it is inappropriate and definitiely covers grounds of sexual harassment. This guy knows its inappropriate, your married for heavens sake.

you should go back and read what she said -- they don't work for the same company. this is someone she would run into at industry trade shows, that's what she meant by "work with." she's got absolutely no protection from any employer.

Hermes

Metric wrote:

Cricket wrote:

I'd tell your husband, first of all. If he finds out later, he'd be upset that you kept it from him. It's not your fault, so just tell him. I'd email this jerk back and tell him to leave you the f*#k alone, and tell him that your husband knows. Otherwise he may not get the message. Don't take this lightly. This dude has some serious issues to send these emails unprovoked to someone he just met. I wouldn't even be civil to him.

I totally agree. That kind of behavior doesn't deserve a kind let-down. I would not stand for it and would not brush it off. Definitely tell your hubby.

sure she can tell her husband, but what is that going to accomplish? drama?

Jamsicle · BCBG

sure she can tell her husband, but what is that going to accomplish? drama?

D, you raise some really good points, but if this guy goes all wacked and decides to tell her husband something, or if her husband comes across a phone message or email its possible that he could misinterpret it and think that she solicited for this kind of behaviour, because ninety-nine percent of people would not act that way without provocation. Being up front about the fact that she is being harassed would clear up any possible misunderstandings. Not to mention that if the guy tries to get revenge/ attack her then there's someone out there who is aware of the whole situation. I definitely don't want to scare the OT but the person who is emailing her has zero sense of boundaries and has already shown himself to be a violator. Its better to share this kind of thing with someone you really trust.

Teresa · Kate Spade

D wrote:

Metric wrote:

Cricket wrote:

I'd tell your husband, first of all. If he finds out later, he'd be upset that you kept it from him. It's not your fault, so just tell him. I'd email this jerk back and tell him to leave you the f*#k alone, and tell him that your husband knows. Otherwise he may not get the message. Don't take this lightly. This dude has some serious issues to send these emails unprovoked to someone he just met. I wouldn't even be civil to him.

I totally agree. That kind of behavior doesn't deserve a kind let-down. I would not stand for it and would not brush it off. Definitely tell your hubby.

sure she can tell her husband, but what is that going to accomplish? drama?

or it could accomplish keeping an open and honest relationship with your hubby?!?!?!

MissMee · Kate Spade

If it were me I'd definitely mention it to my hubby first and foremost. He'd be able to give me some guidance as to what to do next. I'd be so afraid that, if this guy is ballsy enough to email photos of himself, who knows what else he might do. Kinda scary!

dana · Nine West

D is right I dont have any protection. I am pretty much self employed in a way. And trade shows happen all over, not just where the one was last weekend. So I have to handle this on my own.

I think I will have to tell my husband though, because he is thinking we can be friends with the couple and also I just think it's right for him to know. I would want to know if he was getting this kind of come on from some girl. My husband has been out of town since Sunday and he got back late last night. Hes working late tonight too so I guess I will try and talk to him tomorrow.

I won't play dumb with this though. The guy knows he deliberately sent me these things and not to his fiance. He needs to know that I don't want to hear from him anymore. I think I will just tell him it's not right and that Im not interested and hopefully he will leave me alone. Thank you ladies for making me feel better. I kept thinking I somehow sent a wrong message to him. I am very social and meet guys through these trade shows all the time. This one seemed no differnt from any others, just friendly until I got the emails. He did make me nervous that he might do something else but I havent had more mails today and I hope if I just write back once it wont' go any further.

Teresa · Kate Spade

good luck

joy0302 · Kate Spade

I would tell your husband because as you said, you would want to know if some woman was doing the same thing to you. You said that today you haven't had any emails, so you may just want to see if he sends anymore. Maybe he got the hint when you didn't respond to the others. If I were you I would wait it out and then if he sends another just let him know that it is not appropriate and that you are not interested in him. If you see him at another trade show don't even speak to him. When people are that out of it they will think "Hi' how are you?" is a come on. Good luck! Sorry you have to deal with something like this. You didn't do anything wrong!

littlebean · Kate Spade

Ew! Your plan sounds good -- tell your husband right away and then respond to this creep and tell him that he's way out of line.