STYLETHREAD -- LET'S TALK SHOP!

Metric · Gucci

Not getting ahead

cahabo · Kate Spade

I hear you! All I do is think about how great it will be for me and my daughters in the future. Right now we live with my parents while I am going to school. I might be working a low paying job right now at only part-time, but after I graduate I will be able to afford so much more. The lifestyle I'm living now will pay off big time in a few years!

So I guess what I am saying is don't dwell on the negative stuff, and keep in mind that the future will be better.

Teresa · Kate Spade

I feel your pain, sister. I'm currently failing statistics, if i dont pass i cant apply to my major, then i cant start the required courses and basically I'll be a semester behind, all because of frickin stats. Who uses this shit, anyway? So don't feel like your alone, because you definitely arent. And don't be embaressed about making a mistake. It's called a mistake for a reason, right?

cat · Marc Jacobs

This might sound a little silly, but when I am down I set aside some time each day to do something to make myself feel better/happy.
It can just be something simple like having hot chocolate with marshmallow, playing with my cat, singing along with the radio/i pod.

Don't be too hard on yourself, we all get into tough situations.

KaffeeKlatsch · Marc Jacobs

I don't have anything to offer really, by way of advice...but I will be thinking of you. I know all to well how you feel. (((hugs)))

member · Hermes

I just wanted to tell you that you are so not alone. When I read your post, I could have written it myself. I have had a very similar year, so I just wanted you to know, I can totally relate. I got laid off from my job back in May too, and after that everything just spiraled downward. My boyfriend's hours cut got at his job, we had just moved into a newer apartment and now can't afford it, my new job pays significantly less, and we have just a series of bad things happen to us, especially regarding money. I can't tell you how many times I've thought, ok with this paycheck, I can get all caught up, and then something happens to set me back again. I have had to borrow money from my parents too and I'm 27. Up until this point, I never had to borrow from them and could always take care of myself, so I walk around with constant guilt about it because I feel like a loser. I know no one thinks that of me, but I just hate having to depend on anyone else.

I definitely have my moments where I feel so lost and depressed, and I'm a really positive, upbeat person too. This has probably been the worst year of my life. All I can tell you is, when you feel yourself start to get down and dwell about everything - pull yourself out of it. Distract yourself with other things, so you don't think about it. That's what I do and it usually works. I just keep telling myself it has to get better - it can't get any worse. It helps that I have a really supportive boyfriend and family too (sounds like you do too).

Anyhow, I just wanted you to know you weren't alone, and feel free to PM me if you want to talk further. Hang in there sweetie.

-- Edited by shopchicago33 at 10:25, 2007-11-01

blubirde · Chanel

I feel you. My parents still offer to pay for my groceries when I come home even though I'm 29 and an uber-professional. The sad part is that they only offer because they know I could use any little bit they offer. I do not make a lot of money, especially considering all the law school debt I've racked up. I mean I can handle my own bills and all that but I know that if anything goes (car, computer, etc.), my tentative house of cards could all come crumbling down.

If I think about it too much, I'll get crazy depressed, especially since there doesn't seem to be a light at the end of the tunnel, at least not at the near end of the tunnel. So I don't think about it. I budget like crazy and then go a little crazy sometimes and I let that be that. Pretty much everyone I know is in the same boat, so at least I know I'm not alone. We can't all be in debt forever can we? I just hold tight that one day I'll win the lottery and this will all be behind me. (Note to self: start playing lottery.)

Suasoria · Chanel

This is going to seem new agey, but two things come to mind in terms of staying positive:

1. Staying in the present moment; in other words, awareness/mindfulness. We are not our thoughts, our experiences, our sufferings, our goals. Try to notice when your thoughts are running away with you and get yourself back to the now. As Ram Dass said, "Be here now."

Most of us are worrying about the future or drowning in the past or both. We're constantly making judgements (about ourselves and others), assupmptions, holding resentments based on imaginary things...we should stop.

Observe the now and try to sync with it or at least be more open to it. Runners sometimes talk about achieving a "runner's high" and some call it being "in the zone" or an alpha state - people who meditate are after this mindful state.

2. Gratitude exercises. It sounds lame and Oprahish, but it is helpful. And being in the moment helps train us to appreciate what we have, what is going on around us instead of in our own heads.

We have a breeze in the air and a really comfortable chair. We have people in our lives who wish us well. We have good physical health, beautiful music, an adorable pet, and so on. Being content is really good medicine, too. A few years ago there was a cool study that showed people who experience gratitude for what they have tend to be more optimistic, more energetic, less depressed and stressed out.

Every person alive has something to be grateful for...sure, we all want more of something but we need to be conscious of appreciating what we have, too.

AllieGurl · Marc Jacobs

1. Meet with a money manger/financial advisor. (Credit unions usually offer this) I find that having a very clear cut plan and spending allowence takes alot of the stress out of being broke. At least you know where your money is and where it is going. For me alot of the stress comes from feeling overwhelmed with where my finances are at.

2. Stick to the budget. Whatever that may be. Its hard, it sucks BUT it will help you from making poor desicions that can result in further stress and lack of $$. It also has taught me to be more appreciative/grateful for the things I already have.

blink · Coach

Well, you are not alone. I am in a similar boat, not a debt issue, but something else that is humbling and depressing. I am 32 and I always imagined I would be so completely together at this age. I think you will be okay, you have a good support system with close family and supportive friends and significant other. I don't have this, so I just have to pretend that I will find some later on! As for advice, just keep looking forward and consider the life lesson a blessing, better learned now than later, right?