STYLETHREAD -- LET'S TALK SHOP!

cc · Marc Jacobs

advice? dealing a friend who hates my boyfriend

HeatherLynn · Gucci

Ugh this is a tough one because generally speaking when a really good friend dislikes a SO they have good reason. I would suggest talking to her about her reasons and taking a step back to see if she has a point, but it sounds like you have already done that. You said you know why she dislikes him and you are okay with that. I think you should tell her that. Explain to her exactly what you said to us. I think that is as convincing an argument as any. If you explain to her she hasn't hung out with him much and that you would like her to so she can really get to know him, and she doesn't want to, then you need re-examine your relationships. Things like- are you okay staying friends with her, but not including him, is he okay not being included, are you missing something that she is seeing, is she looking out for her (jealousy of losing a friend), etc.
Good luck! These situations are never fun! Hopefully if you explain that you are okay with it and want her to spend time with him too so she can get over it, she will, and things will be okay!

cat · Marc Jacobs

This is hard.I have been in this situation before,in my case I just let the situation go and I am no longer firends with the person who had the problem with my bf.That was her choice though.
In my case the only problem she had with him was the fact he is much older then me.

I wouldn't press things and forceyour friend to spend time with him,although I would tell her what you wrote here and how you feel.Good luck.

lizardbreath · Nine West

I am going to give you my opinion because I am the friend who doesn't like my oldest best friend's boyfriend. They have been together 2 years and I didn't like him since the day I met him. Not because of his personality, but because of what she has gone through as a direct result of his problems and issues.

When I go to her children's birthday parties, he is there and I say hello and thats it. I have told her I didn't like him and why I didn't like him. She politely asks me to do things with him, and I politely decline.

I think you need to have a conversation with her, one on one, put it all on the table and see where it goes. She is probably just as upset as you are about not having the same relationship as you once did. I know I am. But I will not spend time with her when he is around because I do not like the way she is around him and the very sight of him annoys me.

I am still not over losing her, and I hope one day she wakes up. If she doesn't, I will make sure she is always a part of my life, but I refuse to let him be. I hate to sound so harsh, and I am sure your boyfriend is not causing you mental or financial distress as he is doing to her, but it is hard to watch what he does to her.

-- Edited by lizardbreath at 13:55, 2007-08-01

Suasoria · Chanel

This is a great twist on the usual "I can't stand my BFF's man..."

For what it's worth, your friend's eye-rolling mockery is insensitive and a bit juvenille. (I hope that doesn't offend you.) She could have easily said 'I don't think we'd be up for that, but thanks' without the dramatics.

2.5 years is a long-term relationship, and for her own sake, she may want to come to terms with the fact that he isn't a temporary thing. My experience, like Cat said, is that female friends lose in a situation like this.

Despite her personality quirks, why she dislikes him may be relevant. Is it for superficial reasons? Or is it based on something that in her mind is legitimate? Can you talk to her about her issues with him, if for no other reason than to diffuse the tension?

cc · Marc Jacobs

Thanks guys. At this point it is not something which has been affecting our friendship mainly because my boyfriend is currently living in another country (which is part of my friend's problem with him) so he isn't around much and then the facts that I am not the sort of person to always bring him to every social activity and that I do dislike a number of my friends' SOs so I understand how she must be feeling. Plus this is just part of her personality and since she's always been this way I'm used to it and usually let it roll off my back. But Suasoria you are right, she is acting juvenile and that is probably what bothers me more than anything else. My sister said I should bag the whole thing because a dinner could just make things worse and make everyone feel awkward but I might extend the invitation one more time, see how she reacts, and if she has another nasty reaction I'll just tell her that it bothers me and ask her to spare me the snide remarks and grimaces from now on.