STYLETHREAD -- LET'S TALK SHOP!

Kitty · Hermes

Crappy friends

luckylily · Gucci

First, do not doubt your choice for a second. I absolutely love that dress! It is so you and you will look amazing in it.

Second, weddings are a really personal thing and pretty much everyone seems to think that their way is the best way. I got married in a bright green Betsey Johnson dress. A lot of my friends told me I would regret missing out on the opportunity to shop for a "real" wedding dress. It's six years later and I wouldn't change a thing.

It sounds like you and some of your friends might just be growing apart a bit. I find that when significant things happen in your life (weddings, babies, etc.) that's when the true friends stand out from the crowd. It also sounds like a couple of your friends might be just plain jealous.

I'm not really sure how to handle it. I tend to let friends fade out of my life if they just aren't working out.

brazilian · Dooney & Bourke

I dont have any advice really. I just wanted to say I'm sorry your friends are acting like that. If your dress isnt their taste, they should really keep that to themselves. Its your day! Personally the dress isnt my style (for a wedding), but it is beautiful none the less and I would never tell a friend not to wear it, or anything else. I think its great that you have a unique style, and you want to reflect that on your wedding day.

I agree with luckylily, now is the time your true friends will stand out. It sucks that all of this is coming out when youve just gotten engaged. It really does seem like they are jealous though. Im sure you have a good job, great style, wonderful fiance...if theyre not happy with aspects of their lives, some people just have to cut others down so they dont feel so bad.

Try not to let your friends get you down. You should be happy while planning your wedding. If you friends cant share your joy, then you know you always have us here!!! biggrin

AllieGurl · Marc Jacobs

Friends are supposed to be supportive, loving and want what is best for you. Maybe you are just starting to grow up , and thus grow out of some of these friendships. I dont really see anything wrong with that, IMO its better to have fewer friends that a bunch of friends who only make you miserable.

BTW, I loved the dress you posted!

Cricket · Gucci

Your dress is GORGEOUS and they're jealous!

Mandy · Kate Spade

It seems that you are finding out who you real friends are and aren't. I'm so sorry that your "friends" are being hurtful and jealous.

ETA: I found the pic of your wedding dress. I love it. I think its very Kitty and will look great on you.

-- Edited by Mandy at 16:18, 2007-04-23

HeatherLynn · Gucci

And they are your friends?? I would never say something bad about my friends choice of a wedding dress! I agree that it is a very personal thing. It seems like that dress is a perfect fit for you! All that matters is that you and your FI are happy!

I'm sorry you have crappy friends. I hate when it seems like everyone is negative!

I, personally, can't wait to see a pic of you in that dress!

theotherjess · Chanel

FWIW, I think your dress is BEAUTIFUL and totally your style. I also think it's crappy of your friends to give unsolicited opinions about something as personal as your wedding dress. If you feel like saying something, maybe you could write back that you love your dress and weren't asking for opinions.

Kitty · Hermes

Thanks everyone, you ladies are the best. Seriously, the support and community here is great.

I get that everyone has different personal styles and tastes, and that my dress is definitely not for everyone..but I just feel like, if you don't have something nice to say, then don't say it. It's just basic respect.

Honestly, this came from a friend who is rather large and wore a SKIN TIGHT wedding dress that was not at all figure flattering. I never once said anything bad about it, and was supportive up to the last second - constantly telling her she looked beautiful so that she'd be confident on her day. I dunno, I just thought I'd get that in return..and it hasn't been that way. I don't even think it's jealousy, i just think they put me down as a way to feel better about themselves or something..which is REALLY crappy.

I think I'm going to try to distance myself from the group. I've felt judged in the last few months - from engagement, to wedding choices, to my relationship, etc. It's seriously getting to the point where I feel like everything I say is getting judged. Ya know that feeling where you feel like there's gossip behind your back? I"m starting to feel like that...not sure if I'm paranoid or what. I just wish I could find some friends who are more positive and supportive. I really don't need this nastiness in my life.

Hermes

Kitty wrote:

Thanks everyone, you ladies are the best. Seriously, the support and community here is great.

I get that everyone has different personal styles and tastes, and that my dress is definitely not for everyone..but I just feel like, if you don't have something nice to say, then don't say it. It's just basic respect.

Honestly, this came from a friend who is rather large and wore a SKIN TIGHT wedding dress that was not at all figure flattering. I never once said anything bad about it, and was supportive up to the last second - constantly telling her she looked beautiful so that she'd be confident on her day. I dunno, I just thought I'd get that in return..and it hasn't been that way. I don't even think it's jealousy, i just think they put me down as a way to feel better about themselves or something..which is REALLY crappy.

I think I'm going to try to distance myself from the group. I've felt judged in the last few months - from engagement, to wedding choices, to my relationship, etc. It's seriously getting to the point where I feel like everything I say is getting judged. Ya know that feeling where you feel like there's gossip behind your back? I"m starting to feel like that...not sure if I'm paranoid or what. I just wish I could find some friends who are more positive and supportive. I really don't need this nastiness in my life.

AMEN on basic respect.

And you feeling judged and like they're just looking for material for talk behind your back - i have been going through the same thing with a "friend" of mine. the last straw was when i was recently recovering from surgery and how I couldn't stay up very long, and i made the comment "I feel so old" and she said, "you are old." I'm like, (in my head) fuck you. That was the last straw (after many incidents of bad mouthing me me behind my back, exaggerating anything I tell her and telling the world (people were coming up to me crying saying they were so glad I was alive in our mutual social group because of things she said.) Anyway, I made the decision to be cordial but I do not consider her a friend anymore and I don't want to be around people who are so constantly negative and dramatic. This sucks because her next door neighbor has become a close friend of mine...

Long story short, I have been there recently. My story is to share my experience and what I learned from it, not to hijack your thread.

Life is too short to spend with people who are negative, feel they have to put you down so they don't feel so inferior, and don't have your best interests in mind.

Kitty · Hermes

D, thanks for sharing. That is exactly how I feel. I feel like everything I say is basically possible material for gossip and bad mouthing. I've witnessed the gossip and shit-talking that goes on about some of our friends, and while I try to stay out, I find myself getting sucked in occasionally!! Later, I always feel bad and then start to question why they're like that. Plus, they are always trashing talking each other, so what's to think they aren't also trash talking me?

There's been a bunch of incidents like this over the last few months, including being made to feel bad about everything from the size of my wedding to what kind of make-up I wear.

It's going to be hard to just suddenly cut off communication, so I don't think that's the option. I'm probably just going to try to phase some of these friends out. Remain pleasant, but no longer invest anything in the friendship. It's not worth it. I am constantly putting myself out there, only to feel crapped on.

Hermes

Kitty wrote:

Plus, they are always trashing talking each other, so what's to think they aren't also trash talking me?

omg - that is so key. if your friends bash all their friends behind their backs, don't think for a minute they're not doing it to you too.

there's another friend I'm dumping just because she does this. More and more I feel like the only reason she wants to get together is for "material." you oughta hear how she bad-mouths her supposed "best friend" behind her back. Anyway - I'm nice, but I always have an excuse if she wants to get together...

dangergirl · Kate Spade

i'm sorry your 'friends' are behaving like that - i agree with what everyone else has said that you will look beautiful in your dress and that if its not their style they should keep their mouths shut! making bitchy comments isn't what friends do.

NCshopper · Hermes

D wrote:

Kitty wrote:

Plus, they are always trashing talking each other, so what's to think they aren't also trash talking me?
omg - that is so key. if your friends bash all their friends behind their backs, don't think for a minute they're not doing it to you too.

DITTO! If they talk about each other behind one anothers' backs, they're definitely talking about you too. Sucks, but it's true.

Also, for what it's worth, the reason for their trash-talking is probably 80% insecurity on their part, 20% having nothing else to talk about. Okay, maybe 90/10. And the fact that one girl is larger only solidifies that in my mind. It has very little to do with you and everything to do with how they feel about themselves, which is sad, more than anything.

Anyway, don't doubt your choice on your dress and the choices you'll continue to make as you plan the wedding. I feel like weddings for some reason are just fodder for gossipy people who want to criticize something just for the sake of criticizing. Make your day what you want it to be and don't worry about them...better yet, don't invite them.

ETA: Where did you post pics of your wedding dress and how did I miss that?!?!?!

-- Edited by NCshopper at 18:07, 2007-04-23

scarlett · Marc Jacobs

i can't imagine ever thinking it was okay to criticize a friend's choice in wedding dress! that is just basic decency. like everyone already said, it sounds like these are just not people you need in your life. if they can't be happy for you now, and seem to criticize everything from your relationship to your makeup choices, then they do not deserve your friendship. i'm sorry this crappiness is making you sad.

i'd love to see a pic of your dress, BTW!

greca · BCBG

Sweetie, I don't mean to be harsh, but sounds like it may be time to find some new friends and let these miserable, selfish girls rot in their own misery! Enjoy planning on your wedding and being happy and save some $$ by not inviting these idiots!!

blubirde · Chanel

No way. Uh-huh. Absolutely uncool and uncalled for. (For a moment let's skip the wedding dress part.) First, you never, ever insult a friend's clothing after they've purchased it. Those type of comments are only available before the item is paid for.

Second - a wedding dress? I can't imagine in what world "friends" would think it's okay to insult another friend's wedding dress. It's your day and your dress and your decision. They should back the f*ck off and be supportive. The point of the dress is to make the bride feel wonderful, not her friends.

Third, your wedding dress is amazing. I love it. I'm not your irl friend, but I think your dress suits you, your style, and your personality. It's a great choice and I don't think you'll ever regret it, no matter what those "friends" say.

Finally, negativity breeds negativity. Think about it. They said something negative about your dress and all it created was negative energy in your world. You started questioning your dress, your friends, and your decisions. I don't know your situation and I know you said you couldn't cut them out, but I think it's really important to evaluate if you get anything (at all) from their friendships. Boredom at work is a lot better than doubt and bad feelings.

Who are you gonna trust anyway? People who don't know how to properly choose their make up or a great group of gals who love style and think you are going to look fab in your dress?

monica · Kenneth Cole

imo, it completely stems from their own insecurity about themselves and maybe even their own fashion sense. i had something similar w/ my friends and my wedding dress (didn't think it was fancy enough, etc) and i know it's hard to do, but brush it off. you bought it b/c it's "you" and you will look fab in it!

kittenheels · Coach

I think weddings sometimes make friends a little jealous and confused. I had a sort of similar experience when I was planning my wedding with a friend who was just really critical of every detail. I stopped discussing it with her!

I think your dress is absolutely lovely and think your friend is adding a lot of unnecessary negativity!

rosie_the_riveter · Gucci

Ugh! Seriously, I hate catty chicks like that. These girls aren't your friends and like the other girls said, they're just going to bring you down with their bitterness. Don't even waste your time with them. You're better than that and you deserve better friendships.

I must have missed the dress as well. Where can we find a picture of it? BTW, I got married in an army green Mossimo dress. It made me happy. Afterall, the wedding is all about the bride and groom who cares what other people think.