STYLETHREAD -- LET'S TALK SHOP!

The first thing I thought was that he is seeing someone else as well.  Then I remembered when one of my friends went on bp meds and she was very groggy with them at first and just felt weird in general until she got used to them...but that, IMO, still does not explain picking up a phone or sending an email to talk about the weekend.  I don't know, maybe the new meds are messing with him a lot, and other than my one friend on them I do not have any personal experience with them, but that still sounds suspicious to me. 

I know four hours is a long drive and maybe nothing is wrong at all, but I would just wait til tomorrow and if he never comes, then drive there yourself and see what he is up to--if he really is okay and just messed up from his meds or if something else is going on.  I am not saying that is what you should do, but personally, I would have to just for my own peace of mind. 

I'd also go down there. Either something shady is going on, or he's just really stressed/depressed/not handling the meds well and could use you there.

I hope everything works out! Nothing worse than being strung along. I'm giving him the benefit of the doubt though based on his health situation. My DH is on blood pressure meds and they made him really loopy for a while until he got used to them (really tired/spacy/very slurred speech that made him sound almost drunk, etc.) and he was really depressed at the thought of having to be on "old man drugs" at such a young age. Your BF may also be scared of getting (or staying I guess) too close if he's scared that soemthign might happen to ihim...like in a screwed up way he's trying to protect you from being hurt if something happens to him?

-- Edited by ILoveChoo at 21:42, 2007-04-01

I sympathize with the problems he's having with his medicine - this past autumn, I was put on a bunch of medicine at once and it took a few weeks to get used to. I didn't even drive anywhere for a couple weeks, unless it was at night (fewer cars out) and very close. My drugs made me so confused and spacey all the time, I felt like I was losing my mind. I spent a LOT of time on ST then because I was home all the time and I could read things 10 times before I posted them to make sure they made sense (and I seriously would read things ten times). I honestly felt like I was losing my mind, and I know I acted like it. It was unnerving and my boyfriend was concerned about me at the time because I always sounded so dettached from our conversations and would forget to call him, etc. since my mind was so crazy. He refers to them as my "crazy pills" and I know he was afraid, as was I, that I would be like this the whole time I was on them.

That being said, it's not a good reason why he's not contacting you if you specifically made plans. Without that anecdote, I would say wait it out because I understand how stressful and disconcerting it can be to start meds like that. However, it does sound like he's pulling away from you - either because he's cheating, uncertain about the relationship, going through a rough time (maybe spurred on by his hospital stay and the meds), or afraid of the age gap and what it will mean to you. In any of those situations, you need to be informed and it's not fair at all for him to do this without explanation. If my BF and I made plans and then he just didn't contact me, I'd honestly be afraid for his health. That's just not right.

Do you think there's a possibility he's in the hospital again?

ETA: Didn't something happen like this a few months ago, when you couldn't get in contact with him for a week or two at a time? I'm pretty sure that was you.

-- Edited by ttara123 at 23:45, 2007-04-01

I feel for you, however, I find it odd that you go periods of time without talking. It would definitely make me nervous. I am in a long distance relationship and we have been together for 3 years (lond distance the past two). We make it a point to talk on the phone a few times a day. He usually calls me in the morning and then we talk for a few minutes on the way home from work and then again before bed. They are never very long conversations during the day- more to just say hi. At night is when we catch up with each other about our day. I really feel like couples need to be talking, otherwise you will grow apart. It is a lot more work for a long distance relationship because you can't just see each other and grow together. Talking on the phone is a HUGE part of that. I'm sorry you are going through this. If you see him I would definitely express your concerns because that is the only way you will continue to grown together as a couple! Good luck!

any updates?

D wrote:

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I'm going to not try to sound harsh here, but people do what they want to do. If he wanted to call you, he would. It's up to you to decide if you are fine with is level of want.

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ITA.  He is obviously not meeting your needs.  I would suggest telling him that you feel it is best to take some time off from the relationship.  You need to let him know what your needs are; if he wants to be with you after some time apart tell him that you expect him to meet those needs. 

cat wrote:

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Kitty wrote: any updates?Sorry I didn't get to reply till now,I got a late start yesterday and didn't get to drive down till late afternoon. I drove back this morning and had classes all day.

He was very surprised to see me,but seemed happy about it.
This whole situation seems to be one big confused mess between us.

To start with I had the wrong weekend. I told him I was worried about things between us because he didn't show up Saturday and his says "our plans are for next Saturday,right?"
Well when I got home this morning I checked back through our IM messages from when we made plans.
Here I had said how about next weekend,and he said "the weekend after that would work" and I typed back "great ,I can't wait to see you."
So that mess was my distracted fault.

Also he never called me because he thought having his friend let me know what was going on would be enough (I made it clear to him that for me that was not enough,and made things seem fishy.)Then he dropped his phone in water last week.So not only did he think I wouldn't be worried,he didn't have my number(Because of the phone being trashed and for back up he kept my # on his copmuter,which died last week.)
He has been feeling to sick by the end of the day to drive to replace it(he lives in the middle of nowhere and would have had to drive an hour) so I drove him there and he replaced the phone.


Overall he was very tired and not making the most sense.

There are some communication issues we really need to work out between us.
I told him how I was feeling about things and we talked someof it out( I want to wait on some of it becuase he really is not thinking clear at all.)

So for now I am just going to give him a chance and see how things go now that he knows how I feel.
 

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Ok, not to sound to cynical but ..

Hmmm, seems like a lot of excuses from him. He doesnt have your phone number memorized? How long have you been dating?

Just proceed with caution, hes a grown man who seems to come across like a absent minded teenager. You deserve the best!

 

Speaking of this- I asked one of our interns for her cell phone number and she had to look inside her phone- she never bothered memorizing it!  And she'd had her phone for over a year.  uhhhhh.


AllieGurl wrote:

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cat wrote: Kitty wrote: any updates?Sorry I didn't get to reply till now,I got a late start yesterday and didn't get to drive down till late afternoon. I drove back this morning and had classes all day.He was very surprised to see me,but seemed happy about it.This whole situation seems to be one big confused mess between us.To start with I had the wrong weekend. I told him I was worried about things between us because he didn't show up Saturday and his says "our plans are for next Saturday,right?"Well when I got home this morning I checked back through our IM messages from when we made plans.Here I had said how about next weekend,and he said "the weekend after that would work" and I typed back "great ,I can't wait to see you." So that mess was my distracted fault.Also he never called me because he thought having his friend let me know what was going on would be enough (I made it clear to him that for me that was not enough,and made things seem fishy.)Then he dropped his phone in water last week.So not only did he think I wouldn't be worried,he didn't have my number(Because of the phone being trashed and for back up he kept my # on his copmuter,which died last week.)He has been feeling to sick by the end of the day to drive to replace it(he lives in the middle of nowhere and would have had to drive an hour) so I drove him there and he replaced the phone.Overall he was very tired and not making the most sense.There are some communication issues we really need to work out between us.I told him how I was feeling about things and we talked someof it out( I want to wait on some of it becuase he really is not thinking clear at all.)So for now I am just going to give him a chance and see how things go now that he knows how I feel. Ok, not to sound to cynical but ..

Hmmm, seems like a lot of excuses from him. He doesnt have your phone number memorized? How long have you been dating?

Just proceed with caution, hes a grown man who seems to come across like a absent minded teenager. You deserve the best!

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Farrah wrote:

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I agree w/ AllieGurl. For a 47 year old man he sounds about as mature as a 20 year old. I can not imagine that any adult would think it is acceptable to have their friend call their significant other of a year and make excuses for them.

I would proceed with caution. Good luck.

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Agreed. The only way I wouldn't contact my SO for a week is if I was incapacitated. Excuses will only get you so far. Be careful and good luck!