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cat


Marc Jacobs

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These people need to get a life.
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I may be out of line here since I don't have any children my self,but this whole thing seems so silly to me. I agree that childrens parties shouldn't extravagantly elaborate,but to not let the children recive birthday gifts or have a theme?  What makes it a party then and not a play date?

 

Parents turn against birthdays gone wild

By PATRICK CONDON, Associated Press Writer Sun Jan 21, 9:04 PM ET

ST. PAUL, Minn. - Having decided on a ballerina theme for her daughter's sixth birthday party, Michelle West drove all over to find little dancers for the cake. Then she put 50 little beefeater guards around the edges. And she gave it beautiful white icing with peppermint trim.

And what happened? The kids wouldn't eat it.

It wasn't long afterward that she joined a group of St. Paul parents determined to end the birthday party arms race.

Birthdays Without Pressure is taking aim at the oneupsmanship that drives moms and dads to throw parties that will really, really impress the kids and the other parents, too.

"We feel there's a kind of cultural runaway going on right now around the birthday parties of kids," said William Doherty, a University of Minnesota professor of family social science who had a hand in organizing the group, launched publicly earlier this month.

Birthdays Without Pressure has started a Web site and launched a media campaign.

Among its suggestions for more modest, stress-free party planning: Hold gift-free parties, with a note on the invitation that says any presents will be donated to charity; eliminate theme parties and gift bags for the guests; instead of organizing elaborate activities, let kids play outside or hold a treasure hunt; and invite children only, not their parents as well.

The organization has also started collecting horror stories from other parents to argue its case. Among them:

• A birthday party for a 1-year-old featured a gift-opening that lasted two hours. The child slept through most of it.

• Seven-year-olds were picked up in stretch limos to attend the birthday party of a classmate.

• A 6-year-old guest at a St. Paul birthday party didn't like the contents of the gift bag and declared: "This is a rip-off."

The race to provide a unique experience at kids' parties can even get dangerous. In December, a 4-year-old girl was mauled by a cougar that was brought in as part of the entertainment at a birthday party for a 7-year-old in Coral Gables, Fla.

Doherty, who previously led a crusade against what he called overscheduled kids, got wind of frustration among parents after a colleague related how a mother at a parenting class had lashed out against the gift bags that have become a staple of kids' parties.

That mom was Linda Zwicky.

"I just found myself wondering, you know, does he need another pencil? Does he need another rubber ball? Does he need another whistle?" Zwicky said.

But when Zwicky began planning her son Wyatt's third birthday party, she found herself engaging in the same kind of oneupmanship.

"I was going to do gift bags, but I was going to do them right," Zwicky recalled. The party had a train theme, so she got sticks and bandannas and made "hobo packs" that included animal crackers and bubble solution.

Zwicky said that party was a turning point for her. She helped found Birthdays Without Pressure.

What the members want, they say, is a general agreement that not every party has to be more memorable than the last.

"Why are we feeling the pressure to do all this?" said Julie Printz, another parent in the group. "Let's come up with ways to do this that's in your comfort zone, and have a broader spectrum of what's acceptable in terms of kids' parties."

When Wyatt turned 4, Zwicky put on a much more modest affair: No theme. No gift bags. Simple party games involving milk bottles and pennies.

"The kids had a great time," she said. "That's the thing — the kids don't care what kind of effort and planning you put into it. They're kids."



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Farrah


Marc Jacobs

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While I do think the no gifts thing is a bit extreme I think that they do have a bit of a point.  I have heard of some wacked out ideas for birthday parties lately.  I know a couple that spent $5000 on their 2 year old's birthday party.  The kid isn't even going to remember it!!  If it were me I would put a price cap on the gifts. 

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luckylily


Gucci

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LOL.  I get that the birthdays are out of control, but do they really need a group to rally around this topic?  Seriously, if the parents don't want to participate, they shouldn't do it. 

What happened to the good old days of Happy Meals and a few hours at McDonald's playland parties anyway?!?! 

 



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squishy


Coach

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cat wrote:
Birthdays Without Pressure is taking aim at the oneupsmanship that drives moms and dads to throw parties that will really, really impress the kids and the other parents, too.
Birthdays Without Pressure has started a Web site and launched a media campaign.
oh man... i don't know what's sadder: that there's a group to combat this pressing crisis, or that there might actually be a legitimate need for a group.

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nonsense!
Collette


Chanel

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luckylily wrote:

LOL.  I get that the birthdays are out of control, but do they really need a group to rally around this topic?  Seriously, if the parents don't want to participate, they shouldn't do it. 

What happened to the good old days of Happy Meals and a few hours at McDonald's playland parties anyway?!?! 

Ohhh luckylily I still have my t-shirt that says "I had my birthday party at McDonalds"!

 



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Kelly


Hermes

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squishy wrote:
cat wrote:
Birthdays Without Pressure is taking aim at the oneupsmanship that drives moms and dads to throw parties that will really, really impress the kids and the other parents, too.
Birthdays Without Pressure has started a Web site and launched a media campaign.
oh man... i don't know what's sadder: that there's a group to combat this pressing crisis, or that there might actually be a legitimate need for a group.
exactly what I was going to say.

 



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AllieGurl


Marc Jacobs

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I think kids birthdays are way out of control. Where I live several childrens party planning business have opened up to support the amount of parents who spend $2k plus on a childrens bday party. 

Its insanse. 

 

 



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Kelly


Hermes

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AllieGurl wrote:

I think kids birthdays are way out of control. Where I live several childrens party planning business have opened up to support the amount of parents who spend $2k plus on a childrens bday party.

Its insanse.

 

 

 oh my gosh. Seriously? As a parent, I would feel like I was splurging if I bought the guests goody bags.

What ever happened to regular old cake-and-ice cream? When I was little, the coolest part about my birthday was that I got to choose what my family had for dinner. 



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AbsolutPrep1981


BCBG

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Where I live people are out of control on the kids birthdays they try to out do eachother.  My little neighbor (TWO years old) just had a party.  They had those big blow up slides, a train that drove around the neighborhood, a professional photographer, catering from a REALLY expensive local company, a magician, The goody bags alone probably cost over $100 each and there were around 30 children there.  I imagine these are the future "sweet sixteen" kids (from MTV)

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cat


Marc Jacobs

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I agree there is a problem with overly extravagant B-day parties for kids.  What I can't believe that people can't use common sense when it comes to these thing and that we need an organization to tell us how to simplify a kids party.



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Bastet


Kate Spade

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I think it's sad that the kids probably aren't even the actual motivation for the parties! It's the moms competing with each other. A mom's not spending $100/gift bag because she thinks it will make her child happy, she's doing it because the mom next door spent $75/gift bag and she has to outdo her! I think it's sad that women feel the need to compete rather than throw a nice simple party that their kid will enjoy. Do they feel like the other moms will ostracize them for not going over the top with party planning? 

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Eurodaisy


Dooney & Bourke

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cat wrote:

What I can't believe that people can't use common sense when it comes to these thing and that we need an organization to tell us how to simplify a kids party.


I don't think this organization is trying to "tell us" anything in a finger-pointing, critical way.

I visited their website (http://www.birthdayswithoutpressure.org/), which seems like a really good resource.  They make some interesting, thoughtful points about the reason for this bigger, better party trend, and it's not just that parents are in constant competition with each other:

  • We live in a supersizing consumer culture: more, bigger, splashier.
  • Today’s parents have high expectations of themselves and want to make every activity enriching for their children.
  • Some parents are competitive and keep raising the bar for birthday parties in their communities.
  • Other parents are afraid that their child’s party will fall below that bar, and therefore do more than they really want to.
  • Today’s “time squeeze” leads to outsourcing birthday parties and spending more than at home.
  • Smaller families allow for more spending on each child’s birthday.
  • Some parents may be compensating for their guilt over being too busy and overscheduled.
  • A lot parents nowadays want their children’s approval and have trouble setting limits and saying “no.”
  • Birthday parties are a new profit area in a “more and better” business environment.
  • The “Martha Stewart Syndrome”: make it wonderful, and from scratch.

I think it's nice that there are groups like this out there so that stressed out parents don't feel alone when they begin to question the reasonableness of their community's (or their children's) expectations.



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cat


Marc Jacobs

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Eurodaisy wrote:
cat wrote:

What I can't believe that people can't use common sense when it comes to these thing and that we need an organization to tell us how to simplify a kids party.


I don't think this organization is trying to "tell us" anything in a finger-pointing, critical way.

I didn't mean for it to sound like I meant they were being critical. I was saying that
it is sad that something like this is even and issue. I just don’t understand as a society  how we can turn something like a children’s party into such a huge thing that there is a need for people to organize against it.



-- Edited by cat at 05:43, 2007-01-27

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