STYLETHREAD -- LET'S TALK SHOP!

wetbandit42 · Marc Jacobs

Need some advice on obnoxious neighbors

Boots · Gucci

I can see how you'd be annoyed. These kids are probably just happy that somebody is paying attention to them. And they probably think you're extremely cool, so that's a compliment.

Honestly, just because the kids knock on your door, you don't have to let them in. Tell them politely that you are busy and can't "play" right now. Then say good bye and shut the door. If they try to follow you when you go to walk the door, tell them they can't come this time because you have to run errands. Remember, they're just kids that like you. You choose when you want to hung out with them.

I wouldn't file a complaint. That seems a little extreme to me. They'll move on after you stop spending time with them. You just have to be firm and stick to your guns.

Yana · Dooney & Bourke

I agree with Boots. I am a mother of 2 (5 1/2 year old & almost 2 year old) - & I don't like kids' company. Especially stranger's kids. Fine, sue me, I"m honest. I totally understand you, but that how kids work - you smile & talk to them once & become their best friend. I think they need attention. TOo bad their parents are neglecting them so. Don't file a complaint, the parents might take it out on the kids. They just want company and to be engaged/entertained. Please be polite to them, but honest. Kids don't understand unless you simply explain, give them a valid reason: you do not have the time to play right now.

XtinaStyles · Marc Jacobs

Would it be possible to turn them away but create one day of the week where they are welcome to visit your pup? Like maybe 15 mins every Sunday? Seems like they'd look forward to it and be more adaptable to not bothering you other times and you wouldn't hurt any feelings..

wetbandit42 · Marc Jacobs

Xtina, I'll have to try that - that's a good idea. Maybe then they'll leave me alone during the week, but I kinda doubt it. They know I don't have a job yet, so they always say, well what else do you have to do?

The problem is, no just doesn't work with these kids. The other day, when the little girl stole my keys, after she finally gave them back I said bye and started to walk to my door. She followed me to my door and followed me into my apartment, even though I tried to shut the door after me (w/out slamming her fingers in the door or something like that). I practially had to shove her out. I asked her to leave, but she ignored me. She does not listen to the word no. When I tell her I can't talk, I have to run errands, she does stuff like that (follow me into my apt.) like she thinks it's a game. It's like her parents have not taught her the word no - I've asked her several times not to wave her hands in my dog's face (b/c then my dog thinks she's playing and nips at her fingers), but she never listens to me. I have nieces who are 8, and even though they are not the best listeners, I could at least get them to listen when I said NO when they were her age.

I don't think the parents are abusive or anything, they just seem very clueless to me.

gossipgirl · Dooney & Bourke

Boots wrote:

I can see how you'd be annoyed. These kids are probably just happy that somebody is paying attention to them. And they probably think you're extremely cool, so that's a compliment.

Honestly, just because the kids knock on your door, you don't have to let them in. Tell them politely that you are busy and can't "play" right now. Then say good bye and shut the door. If they try to follow you when you go to walk the door, tell them they can't come this time because you have to run errands. Remember, they're just kids that like you. You choose when you want to hung out with them.

I wouldn't file a complaint. That seems a little extreme to me. They'll move on after you stop spending time with them. You just have to be firm and stick to your guns.

Boots hit the nail on the head - just be firm and stick to your guns!

Kelly · Hermes

Maybe I'm an awful person but...I would probably just stop "playing" with them altogether. At first I was nodding along with what everyone else was saying (be firm, set a time to play, etc.) But then when you said that she doesn't even listen to you when you say not to do something specific to your dog....that would piss me off. I HATE when people don't respect my "doggy parent" rules. And I get that she's just a kid and probably has less respect for *anything* than an adult would, but what if one day she is doing that and your dog actually bites and injures her? I'm sure your dog is very sweet but kids can really test the patients of dogs.

Boots · Gucci

The dog thing worries me on 2 levels. Eventually there is the possibility that the child will upset your dog and get bite (even the nicest dogs have their limits, just like people.) Two, if the child is bit, I can easily see the parent making a huge legal matter out of it. She could sue you or have your dog taken away.

After reading what you wrote about the child not having any discipline, I think maybe the next time she pulls a stunt on you (like follow you into your apartment after you said no) you should march that little girl back to her mother. Tell the mom that you have things you need to do, you asked her daughter politely to leave and she refused. Keep calm and adult, but don't apologize or make excuses. Tell them that until the child learns to respect you as an adult, you do not want her over at your apartment. Maybe mention that she irritates your dog as well and that you are worried about her safety.

The kid has probably never been told a real "no" before in her life. The mom sounds like one of those parents who constantly say no but never follows up or stops the kid from doing anything. This would mean that of course the child won't listen to you. And that the mom will probably be put out that you said something negative about her prefect angel. But the point isn't to get your neighbors to like you.

wetbandit42 · Marc Jacobs

Boots wrote:

The dog thing worries me on 2 levels. Eventually there is the possibility that the child will upset your dog and get bite (even the nicest dogs have their limits, just like people.) Two, if the child is bit, I can easily see the parent making a huge legal matter out of it. She could sue you or have your dog taken away.

This is totally her! She's a lawyer too, so I can definitely see her suing me if that should happen. She's already asked me several times if my dog bites - like she's fishing for something?

These people seem dangerously clueless - there's a little park across the street from my house. It's not an official dog park, but tons of people take their dogs their and let them off-leash. The dad has brought the daughter and the son (who's only 2) there several times when it's busy, and set the son down on the ground. The son loves dogs so he tries to get near them and he's nearly gotten knocked over, not to mention he could get bit. I can't believe how stupid they are! That's just asking for trouble.

I'll definitely march her back to her house the next time she pulls something like that. The mom has got to know that her children's behavior is not appropriate! If I see her in the hallway too I'll just tell her I'm busy and walk straight to my apartment.

Kelly - you're not a bad person! I'm totally on the same page as you - I'm trying as hard as I can to get her to stop wanting to play with me. And I agree - I hate when people don't respect my doggie parent rules! One day the little girl was shoving her hands in Izzy's face, Izzy nipped at her hands, and then the little girl shoved my dog away. I yelled at her and told her she can't wave her hands in her face like that b/c then Izzy thinks she's playing with her, and she denied doing that. She always says, I'm not trying to play with her. Well, then quit shoving your freaking hands in her face! This is why I'm not exactly a fan of children!

Gah - sorry this is so long! I just need to vent.

-- Edited by wetbandit42 on Thursday 28th of October 2010 11:30:32 AM

greendiamond · Marc Jacobs

Honestly, I wouldn't answer the door. I'd peek through the peephole, see that it's them, and go back to what I was doing.

If they do happen to catch you outside, I'd let them walk with you while your dog does its business, and if they disobey the rules, I'd scoop up the dog and let the girls know that play time with the pup was over since they can't listen.

And, I would not allow them in the apt at all. If they start to follow you in, I'd turn around mid-door and tell them its time to go home.

Yana · Dooney & Bourke

I think those are troubled kids. I teach my kid, trust me I'm very strict, however, he's 5 1/2 & still doesn't understand NO, unless it's screamed at his face. So, you do have to be firm & say NO, not yell NO at them (they're not your kids, thank G-d), but with no smile & firmly - NO, I SAID: DO NOT DO THAT! HE/SHE ( sorry, I don't know your dog's gender) CAN BITE YOU! ( it works best with the kids when you explain why not)
Now, this episode with the kyes - DISTURBING! THat's when you should've told her: IT"S NOT A TOY! I DO NOT ALLOW YOU TO PLAY WITH MY KEYS. PLEASE RETURN THEM TO ME NOW!" I don't think you should allocate any time of your life to those kids: they're not your friend's kids or relative's...They're indeed kids who need company and care. But I don't think it's your problem.

NCshopper · Hermes

greendiamond wrote:

Honestly, I wouldn't answer the door. I'd peek through the peephole, see that it's them, and go back to what I was doing.

If they do happen to catch you outside, I'd let them walk with you while your dog does its business, and if they disobey the rules, I'd scoop up the dog and let the girls know that play time with the pup was over since they can't listen.

And, I would not allow them in the apt at all. If they start to follow you in, I'd turn around mid-door and tell them its time to go home.

Ditto.

I had a similar situation with our next door neighbor's kids at our old house. The two youngest would come over all the time and run in the house uninvited and ask for candy. Not only did it get majorly annoying, but I'm really uncomfortable with the idea of a child who is not mine being alone in my house without the parents. I just don't think it's a good idea to allow that to continue.

I finally stopped answering the door when they rang the bell (and rang...and rang...and rang...) and they eventually stopped coming over. It's your house and you're under no obligation to answer the door if you don't want.

Be firm with them when you do see them and don't interact if you don't have to. That ought to discourage them. I wouldn't involve the parents unless you absolutely have to--it sounds like they're not going to do much and it could get ugly. Involve the apartment complex only as an absolute last resort after you've talked to the parents. I don't think you'll need to do any of this though--ignoring the kids will discourage them before long.

XtinaStyles · Marc Jacobs

wetbandit42 wrote:

Kelly - you're not a bad person! I'm totally on the same page as you - I'm trying as hard as I can to get her to stop wanting to play with me. And I agree - I hate when people don't respect my doggie parent rules! One day the little girl was shoving her hands in Izzy's face, Izzy nipped at her hands, and then the little girl shoved my dog away. I yelled at her and told her she can't wave her hands in her face like that b/c then Izzy thinks she's playing with her, and she denied doing that. She always says, I'm not trying to play with her. Well, then quit shoving your freaking hands in her face! This is why I'm not exactly a fan of children!
Gah - sorry this is so long! I just need to vent.

-- Edited by wetbandit42 on Thursday 28th of October 2010 11:30:32 AM

UGH I hate when anyone touches my dog! When people have asked "does your dog bite?" I usually say yes to scare them away. Most people don't understand dog behavior and yes, fingers=let's play. Snapping fingers away=let's play even harder!

I find it weird that these people are so dog-centric when they don't even own one. I'd never take my kids to a dog park, that is asking for trouble. Are they trying to get the kids hurt on purpose? Do you know their names? I'd search the internet for any past lawsuits.

Suasoria · Chanel

I salute you for trying to come up with a nonviolent solution. Shit like this would keep me locked in my house for days on end. Most kids totally bother me.

I disagree with NCshopper only about involving the parents. They're the source, particularly if the mother is telling them to go visit you. But I'd be passive-aggressive about it, in a note or something...'Your kids are great but I am working from home these days and I need to focus. When I'm able to entertain them I'll let you know. They are a lot for me to manage and Izzy isn't great around children. Thanks for your understanding. xxoo.'

Have you tried "I'm telling your mom" when they act up? That's probably the last thing they want to hear.

Tati · Chanel

Oh my gosh! This girl is practically punking you. She's a bully. Sorry! You need to talk firmly with her, exactly what Yana said. I'm assuming you haven't done that yet? You've had patience and are too nice. Kids Are SO smart and know what they can get away with and who they can pull crap on. So defend yourself. Tell them you like to have alone time and that's that. They don't need anymore info.you don't have to give them one day a week if you don't want to. I have 2 kids and my #1 priority when we are out and about or whatever, is I wanna make sure they are not bothering others. So many parents these days are too lazy to take care of their kids and teach them manners!
I can't believe she took your keys and forced her way into your house. She's smart. And rude.don't bully her back. BUT BE FiRM with her when talking. You know, the mom voice? The few times I've HAD to babysit my niece and nephews, which are a handful. Their parents let them be rugrats!!! I set the rules at my house. And when they break em, or get out of control, my mom voice comes out. And they stop with these big eyes staring at me and are in shock! Lol! Cuz they are not used to it! Parents let them run lose and crazy! But they listen to me.
(I'm reponding Using cell, sorry lazy writing)
Good luck! Keep us posted.

wetbandit42 · Marc Jacobs

Thanks ladies! You always have excellent advice. smile

Su - I have tried telling her that I'm going to tell her mom, but that usually makes it worse, prob. b/c she knows her mom won't do anything. If this behavior consists, I will try writing a note to the mom like you suggested.

Xtina - the mom is a lawyer - I don't know if they've sued anyone (I'll check), but I wouldn't put it past them.

Tati - thanks! This little girl has obviously been spoiled and undisciplined by her parents. You're so right - so many parents these days are too lazy to parent their children. They just let them run all over the place & bother whoever they want! I understand that they're children & therefore hard to control, but give me a break! I don't think I acted this way when I was little.

NCShopper - I've been ignoring the little girl lately (if I see her I just wave and move on with my business, I don't stay and talk) and it's been working. She hasn't tried to come out in the hallway to see me or come out on her porch. I don't want to jinx it, but I hope it continues to work! If she does try to bother me, I'll very firmly tell her that I have things to do and I will be going home (alone!). I don't want to waste any more time with this little girl. I don't really enjoy kids, and I think some of the people in my apt. building that are my age prob. think I'm some loser who only hangs out with children!

-- Edited by wetbandit42 on Sunday 31st of October 2010 11:06:24 AM