STYLETHREAD -- LET'S TALK SHOP!

KaffeeKlatsch · Marc Jacobs

help please

greendiamond · Marc Jacobs

Are you having trouble in your relationship right now? If so, it is easy to think "Ex would never say/do/act like _____________" and then start thinking about your ex.

Did you recently see your ex to be triggered to start thinking about him again?

I don't have any advice, but I hope these feelinsg pass quickly for you.

Elle · Hermes

I think this sort of thing happens alot when you're feeling frustrated or out of sorts in your current situation. You fantasize about this person from your past, and how great they were, and feel like they are your destiny and that they are who you're really meant to be with.

I think it's normal, and I think if you hang in there it will pass. Try to distract yourself from those thoughts, get involved in something new or break out of your routine a bit. In a few weeks it should feel less intense and consuming, and then you'll be in a better place to decide if this is something that warrants an actual permanent change in your current situation. Now is not the time to make any hasty decisions about anything IMO ...

KaffeeKlatsch · Marc Jacobs

-- Edited by leah_leanna on Sunday 25th of July 2010 05:09:21 PM

Boots · Gucci

I think the key phrase in you intial post sums it all up.

"He's totally not single/available, and I would never act on it. "

That's your answer. He is not a viable choice. He is not able to be with you. I know that sounds harsh, but it's the truth. From what I can tell, you are not the type of woman who would cheat with someone and currently, that is the only way you could be with him right now (not advocating this at all, but there are really only 2 options here. Cheat or not cheat.)

In my experience, the best way to get somebody out of my head is to make the decision not to think about them. Sounds simple, but it can be really hard at first. Every time you feel yourself thinking about him, stop. Tell yourself, "NO!" and immediately concentrate on something else. If you drive past someplace that makes you think about him, find something else nearby to think about or turn the radio up in the car and start singing. Loudly. If while you're drinking your morning coffee you start concocting little fantasies in your head about what life would be like with him, stop and concentrate on what you need to do that day instead.

Basically, distract yourself every time you start to fall into a romantic wishing for him. It's a pattern (and an unhealthy one for you ultimately.) Patterns can be broken, but you have to really want it.

Leah, we've all been there. It sucks. But you can get through it. If you are meant to be with this guy in the future, then it will happen. But you have to live in the present and only you can make that present a good place.

Elle · Hermes

I agree with Boots - your two choices are to either cheat, or try your best to get over it and move on.

Maybe you and this person could have had a lovely life together, but it sounds like that ship has sailed. Try not to get too hung up on him being 'the one', because there are more of them out there, not just one. You meet lots of people in life, some you hate, some you like, some you love. You will find another one, eventually, and you certainly don't want to be so caught up in your feelings for your old flame that you aren't able to see the potential in new people you may meet.

IMO there are multiple people out there, for all of us. Sometimes you find one and keep that one. Sometimes you miss a few before you catch one for keeps. Sometimes you let one go and have to wait for another one to come around again. Sometimes you meet another person that could have been yours if the timing were right, but it isn't. It just is what it is, you know?

Kelly · Hermes

Do you see this person a lot? I'm wondering maybe if you haven't seen him in a while, or don't see him often, you may be looking at him through rose colored glasses.

Either way I'm sorry you're going through this {hugs}

gossipgirl · Dooney & Bourke

Boots wrote:

I think the key phrase in you intial post sums it all up.

"He's totally not single/available, and I would never act on it. "

That's your answer. He is not a viable choice. He is not able to be with you. I know that sounds harsh, but it's the truth. From what I can tell, you are not the type of woman who would cheat with someone and currently, that is the only way you could be with him right now (not advocating this at all, but there are really only 2 options here. Cheat or not cheat.)

In my experience, the best way to get somebody out of my head is to make the decision not to think about them. Sounds simple, but it can be really hard at first. Every time you feel yourself thinking about him, stop. Tell yourself, "NO!" and immediately concentrate on something else. If you drive past someplace that makes you think about him, find something else nearby to think about or turn the radio up in the car and start singing. Loudly. If while you're drinking your morning coffee you start concocting little fantasies in your head about what life would be like with him, stop and concentrate on what you need to do that day instead.

Basically, distract yourself every time you start to fall into a romantic wishing for him. It's a pattern (and an unhealthy one for you ultimately.) Patterns can be broken, but you have to really want it.

Leah, we've all been there. It sucks. But you can get through it. If you are meant to be with this guy in the future, then it will happen. But you have to live in the present and only you can make that present a good place.

This isn't what we always want to hear - but it's dead on perfect advice.